San Diego or bust!

We're off to San Diego this morning. Bags have been packed, camera is charged, backpacks are sufficiently overloaded with activity books, kindergarten workbooks (Thank you, Grandma) and Sesame Street Uno cards (Thank you, Noni), and a doctor's note and prenatal records for Mommy. Apparently, 8 month pregnant women make airlines nervous. I should just tell the lady at the ticket counter, "Look, my huband says he refuses to EVER have a baby in California. So, let's not worry". Somehow, I don't think she'll be comforted.

Seaworld, Legoland, the Zoo, Pacific Beach, The Mission and SOME GREAT SUSHI! await us. Oh, and a maternity swimsuit. That'll be fun. What you wear in San Diego stays in San Diego.

Steve will be staying down an extra four days for a conference for work. The poor guy is going to have to suck it up, enjoy all that sunshine, those great restaurants AND "sleep in". He'll be in my prayers. It's gonna be rough.

Thank you, Grandma for keeping, entertaining, and loving on baby Shepherd. He will no doubt have MUCH more fun with you than he would being dragged to and fro, skipping naps and riding in rented strollers. Five days on 'the farm' with slides, tractors, and kitties is just what the doctor ordered for this 16 month old!

This little vacation is long overdue for this family! We'll check in after we're home.

How can there possibly be a reward big enough?

I was on the phone in our bedroom. I heard lots of silence. I walked out to find the boys playing cooperatively on the floor (which is really saying something that a five year old and a sixteen month old are playing together at all!). I walked further, into the kitchen. And there, right before my eyes, was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen: Ella. UNLOADING THE DISHWASHER. Seriously. I don't know what came over my precious three year old daughter but, whatever it was, I can only pray it never stops coming over her.

Let's just say, that girl? She scored some major stickers. Big stickers. With kitties on them. She can wear them while she eats the chocolate I got her for dinner and while she rides the pony I am going to pick up for her tonight.

St. Joseph and his beautiful wife.

Today is the feast day of St. Joseph the Worker, my husband's chosen confirmation name and his patron saint, my step-father's name, and the patron saint of fathers everywhere.

"He is that just man, that wise and loyal servant, whom you placed at the head of your family. With a husband's love he cherished Mary, the virgin Mother of God. With fatherly care he watched over Jesus Christ your son, conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Today is also May Day, May 1st, the Crowning of Mary. May is Mary's month and that of mothers everywhere. Taken from the Magnificat - " The Blessed Virgin comes to generate in us the union that she experiences with the Son in her womb. Only this puts to flight all our crippling individualism and insularity. In Mary's face, in her voice, in her gaze we find what we have been lookng for amidst all the trying and frustrating moments of our life."

Afterall, it is through Our Mother that we have the Greatest Gift of all; Christ the Healer, the Good Shepherd, the Peacemaker.

Marian adoration and devotion are of great comfort to me these days. I feel so blessed to be able to call her Mother and to flee to Her for help when I am at my wits end, when I feel like I have no more love or patience to give at the end of the day, when all I want to do is whine about my aching back or my ever-swelling cumbersome belly. The Mother of all mothers.

John 19:26-27

When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

Vocabulary.

After Michelle's AWESOME post, with which I couldn't agree more, I had to share:

Me: Ella, you can wear these shoes if you'd like.

Ella: I love these ones! I just wore them yesterlater!

Huh? Looks like Daddy and I have more work to do.

Minor Adujstments.

Okay, I'm back. I have missed you all! Have you noticed my absence? Steve even asked me the other day if, in fact, I still had a blog.

So here it is. We are officially and completely into our *cute* rental. I say cute because it's quaint, charming, quirky, and utterly too small. So, it seems that *cute* is a suitable word.

So far, we have learned some things since having lived here over a week now:

1) It is altogether possible to wash your hands in the sink, sit on the toilet AND wash your feet in the bathtub all at the same time.

2) In order that the toilet may flush all the way, one simply has to hold the handle down for a count of 4. 1...2...3....4. Not 3. Not 5. 3 is not long enough. 5 is too long. 4 guarantees a perfect flush almost every time.

3) Living in town is louder. One may hear two trains, mating cats, barking dogs, sirens, cars backfiring and church bells ringing all in a matter of one hour; specifically, the hour between 3am and 4am.

4) It is not possible to fit our entire family in our kitchen at the same time. Seriously. I mean, I guess it's possible, but certainly not productive or comfortable in any way. With about 4ft x 5ft in which to work, I have become adept at washing the dishes, putting them away, answering the phone, and doing some light sweeping all in one full rotation. If you want to know where I keep my cutting boards, they're under the sink near the cleaning supplies. And where do I keep my pots and pans? Well..some under the stove of course but, yes, I do use that all-too-convenient space IN the stove as well.

5) You always have an audience. With neighbors just over 10 feet to our left and our right and a porch-sitting chain smoker across the street, we never get lonely. NEVER.

6) If you go to plug in a lamp and sparks fly out of the socket, don't panic. Don't continue to try to plug in the lamp either.

7) Smoke alarms placed RIGHT above the stove are a bad idea. Whoever came up with this particular *safety* precaution should be fired. In the name of sleeping toddlers and pregnant mothers who cook multiple times a day, this person should be shot. This house is 700 square feet on each level. There are about NINE smoke alarms.

8) One does not necessarily NEED faucet handles on the outdoor water spickets. Those are for high maintenence sorts of people. No, all one really needs is a metal stump and a wrench. And here I was, always thinking we needed handles.

9) If, before you move into a new place, there has been a *cute* spider's nest full of tiny baby spiders about to hatch, placed by some loving mother spider right at the bottom of the stairs, those babies WILL indeed find their way to the top of the stairs and out the back door. Don't worry. They will. It might just take a week or so. Just be willing to THANK GOD EVERY DAY that they are so tiny.

10) Children are happy in dirt. They love getting to count when they flush, the closeness of the colorful neighbors, the funny spiders going out the door, the *cute* kitchen (which spells very easy access to the fridge any time of day or night), and the sounds of town living. They don't care about sparks, or small bathrooms, or faucet handles. They are happy and content to be wherever our family is. And so am I.

Steve and I moved on Saturday and Sunday, laid sod in the entire backyard on Monday, moved more and cleaned more on Tuesday and Wednesday, had visits from Noni, Popi, some family friends, and Grandma, signed closing papers last night, and Steve just moved into his new office downtown (aka about three blocks away right on the main strip of town) this morning.

Tonight is Friday Night Family Movie and Pizza Night. I couldn't be more thrilled. Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins and a little cheese and olive pizza are in our near future. This family is blessed beyond words and constantly given things to make us laugh and to make us grow stronger. We just have to remember that last part. Trials which are meant to strengthen us.

God bless and keep you all as well.

Remind me...

why I don't let my children play with empty boxes more often again?

This might be the cheapest entertainment known to man.

I know, I know.

It's been far too long since I've made a decent blog entry. It's only going to get worse.

We are MOVING! Yay. So...this means that I might be out of commission for the next week or more. When I come back, I am sure I'll have lots of stories to share about the five of us, our big dog, my midsized pregnant belly, our little rental and the inevitable humor that will have to accompany us.

Many blessings to you, friends!

Jesus Christ is risen today.

Hallelujah.

Today, we wait.

Luke 24:1-12
But at daybreak on the first day of the week they took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb; but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were puzzling over this, behold, two men in dazzling garments appeared to them. They were terrified and bowed their faces to the ground. They said to them, "Why do you seek the living one among the dead? He is not here, but he has been raised. Remember what he said to you while he was still in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be handed over to sinners and be crucified, and rise on the third day." And they remembered his words. Then they returned from the tomb and announced all these things to the eleven and to all the others. The women were Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James; the others who accompanied them also told this to the apostles, but their story seemed like nonsense and they did not believe them. But Peter got up and ran to the tomb, bent down, and saw the burial cloths alone; then he went home amazed at what had happened.



We wait in silence, or as much as there can be in a house full of spirit-filled children, and enjoy this one last fast today. A fast from too much busy-ness, too much chatter, too much bickering, from too much indulgence. We wait and we fast because we shall feast very soon.

My faith journey has taken me deeper than I ever knew existed and yet, I can say in complete confidence, I am still just scraping the surface. I cannot believe that just three short years ago I had left our beautifully rich faith. I did not know. I had not appreciated. I wanted Jesus, oh yes, but just not that hard, painful cross that always seems to go along.

I am grateful to be back and I am grateful to see that cross again. Yes, grateful. I am grateful for the indescribably gifts and graces it has brought to my life--to share an ever-deepening faith WITH my husband and my children. I am grateful God didn't give up on me. Not for one moment. He kept putting people in my life who would challenge my reasons for "taking a step back" and "trying out other things". I could name them, but there really is no need. All along, it was just Christ speaking to me through them. Christ saying, "Nicole, my child, I love you. Now turn around and face me. Stop running."

He'll always find a way to talk to our hearts. Always.

Today, I am going to listen and wait. Though we dyed Easter eggs, stocked plenty of goodies for tomorrow and have been inundated with lots of fun bunny dot-to-dots, we will still wait. Easter, I have learned, is about so much more than pretty dresses and egg hunts. That is just the beginning--an opening. A gift. The "gift" is that, through our children's excitement about the "bunny", the "eggs" and the "candy", we are able to relate it all back for them to the One True Gift. That which is Him.

We will wait. We wait for the hands and arms softer than even the softest bunny's fur, the Life that is even greater, brighter, and whiter than those eggs, and sweetness greater than any candy we have ever tasted.

Holy Saturday, indeed.

How to truly embrace the "Passion" of Passion Sunday.

This day is interchangeably called Palm Sunday or Passion Sunday. Passion, referring to Christ's passion, or suffering.

How did we experience The Passion today--aside from the profound Gospel and blessed palms?

As we're entering the church for Mass: Casual Acquaintance walks up to Paxton, who tells her that it's his birthday tomorrow. He's going to be five. Then he tells her that he is going to start wiping his own bottom tomorrow. Lesson one: Humility.

At Chuck E. Cheese for his birthday party this afternoon: Well, that's all. Just enduring that whole place for longer than 5 minutes feels like "passion". Lesson two: Mortification

At home: walking into house and realizing that you left it a disaster this morning before church and you still have to clean up AND pack for the trip to Seattle you're taking tomorrow for a couple days. But first? First you really should call and thank all those sweet and precious people who endured "the passion" at Chuck E. Cheese, all for your son's 5th birthday-- at least giving back verbally. Lesson three: Charity.

Ah, what a day. Paxton is growing faster than I thought he would, faster than I hoped he would. But I am also so amazed by him almost every day that I'll take the sad with the amazing. I love him so much, my five-year-old, hand-holding, McQueen- drawing, airplane and train-loving, spelling and vowel-discerning, taller-than-most-every-other-child-his-age, bottom-wiping boy.

Proof that our gifts are not our own

Proof that our gifts are not our own.

Contingencies and Faith; Birthdays and Change.

We have been quite busy these last few weeks, and especiallly these last few days. We sold our house. Again. To different people. While it should be really exciting for us to have some closure, to not be 'in limbo' with a "contingency", I am having such a hard time feeling as enthused as I should. The original buyers, the ones who made us a great, albeit contingent offer, had to have their hearts broken. By whom? Yeah, that'd be us.

Shocking as it may be, I do not like breaking peoples' hearts. Steve and I, after talking a lot and praying even more, almost had to resort to using the 'Rock, Paper, Scissor' method to decide who was going to have to make the call. The call in which one of us gets to say, "Hi, um, so....this is a hard call to make...blah, blah, blah.....we'll give you five days......waive your contingency.....sell your house....buy ours now....blah blah blah...talk it over....let us know." Their response? "Well....we're leaving for a week vacation in two days." Thud. That's the sound your heart makes when it sinks down into the very bottom of your stomach.

All in all, I know that God is working here. I really do. The new buyers are acquaintances of ours, they belong to our parish and they are wanting to enroll BOTH of their kids into our school this next school year. They could afford our house (right now) and they were even willing to let us live here until our new house was done being built (which we probably won't do because of that adorable rental I talked about a few months back that we secured and have been renting since we put our house on the market. We might as well move into it now since that's where we'll be when the baby's born anyway.) I think we just needed some closure and, while a contigent offer is better than no offer, it's not exactly better than a 'no strings attached' offer. Pragmatically, I know it makes sense and it's the prudent thing to do. Emotionally? It's horrible.

Paxton's birthday is on Monday. I had no idea. I mean, I knew and have been making plans for him and some family and friends to go to Chuck E Cheese tomorrow after Mass, but I had no idea how quickly it would sneak up on me. It really has snuck up on me. My son is going to be FIVE YEARS OLD already. How is that possible? He's just going to keep getting older. I had no idea the mixed emotion I would have over such an exciting thing as a child having a birthday. Our family is growing, my first borne is growing up, spelling words, writing letters to people, and making his own 1/2 cup peanut butter and 5 cracker snacks.

Tomorrow I will be 28 weeks pregnant. That's seven months. That's unbelievable. My first pregnancy seemed to drag on and on. This one? This one feels like it has flown by at warped speed. Steve and I looked at each other the other night and said, "Whoa. What are we doing? We're gonna have a other baby in like 3 months! We're not ready!" Not ready? Well, okay, so that's not really accurate. We will always be ready for another life in a certain sense. But this whole not knowing where you are going to live when you bring that new life home is a whole other deal. That's another reason this change in the buyers of our home is a blessing. I don't care if we we live in a tent. I just want it to be OUR tent. You know? God loves us so much. I really know that. He knows our hearts.

Tomorrow, Palm Sunday, will be a big day indeed. This marks the beginning of Holy Week. The beginning of the time when we step up our sacrifice a bit, where we re-focus. Why are we here? What is our job on this earth? What is God asking of us? In what way is He calling us to be better people--more charitable, more forgiving, more selfless, more devoted people? And, are we hearing what we want to hear or are we hearing what He's telling us?

I know this Lent I have waivered, had moments of weakness. I could have been more disciplined. I could have been more charitable. I could have done more for others. I also know God knows. He knows our hearts. He knows what we are trying to do and he knows that we are weaker than He. He loves us anyway and He wants only that we are constantly seeking true happiness. A blogger that I read daily just posted that a spritual mentor of hers said it's okay if we "back into" heaven. I like that.

I also like what St. Augustine said--"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."

Observation of the day.

On our walk just a minute ago....

Ella: Mom! It's so beautiful out! The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the mailboxes are all standing up....

I love that girl.

Why?

Why do Easter maternity fashions either make you look like you are a 12 year old school girl who should be sporting braids and a lollipop or some 85 year-old Floridian's living room drapes?

The best snack in the world.

While Ella and Shepherd were resting, Paxton asked me if he could make himself a snack "very quietly". I thought this might be a wonderful opportunity for him to exert some independence and for me to see just what that might look like.

It looked something like this:

Paxton working very quietly in the kitchen. Then, Paxton sitting very quietly at the dining room table, leaning over a plate filled with about a half of a cup of Adams creamy peanut butter next to about five small crackers used for "dipping".

My Grandpa Harry would have been proud.

It's beginning to look a lot like springtime!

God is good!

Today is such a beautiful day and the kids and I have already been on one long walk, about to go on another. Paxton picks up sticks, Ella talks about where the birds live and why our dog finds it fun to chase them and Shepherd just kicks back and relaxes next to his sister.

I am taking a good friend's advice and trying to get in little walks here and there. I must say, it feels quite different than working out at Curves at 5:30am. Something about breathing fresh air and not worrying about keeping my heart rate up is doing this body good. Curves and I must still meet three times a week, but this walking stuff feels so good! In my past pregnancies I tried to do it an hour a day but this poor baby has just been being neglected!

Come home soon, Daddy. It's not THAT fun without you. Really. Two more days....two more days....

Candy.

Paxton: Mom, can Ella and I have some candy?

Me: (remembering the St. Patrick's Day candy that Noni sent and remembering that I told the kids they should save it until Sunday since it was Lent--also remembering that I forgot to give it to them on Sunday) Um.....let me think about it, okay?

Paxton: Okay but, Mom? When you think about it, can you just think 'Hmm, maybe I should give my kids some candy' ?

Good one, Pax. Good one.

Ah ha!

Apparently, Lenten fasting (three meals vs. my usual five to six small meals throughout the day), less water intake, and focusing on getting in as much lean protein (equalling a whole lot less fiber than is in my normal diet) has spelled disaster for this pregnant person. I seem to be full of a lot more than just baby. I know, I know.

Thank you, Melissa. You know bloated symptoms when you hear them! ;)

Now, I think I'll lighten up on the fasting throughout the weekdays (still limiting all the excesses), and increase my water intake. Dang. I really thought I was an excellent water drinker. I have a feeling it's subconscious since I have been limiting mealtimes. It's probably pretty natural for people to get dehydrated during Lent. That's my story. I'm sticking to it.

Thanks for the prayers, friends. My appointment went well. Great blood pressure, one pound weight gain, no swelling, good strong heartbeat, measuring right on target at 25. I do have another ultrasound scheduled for three weeks from now to check the baby's kidneys which were a little enlarged in my last ultrasound. Nothing to be alarmed about, just double checking.

You would think that this, being my FOURTH pregnancy in five years, would be routine. It just goes to show that every person is unique and wonderfully made. That means that every pregnancy is unique, too, then. Right?

Steve left for San Jose for a week. I am going to miss him terribly. It seems to be getting harder and harder to have him away for longer than a day. Not because I feel overwhelmed or because I am scared but because our family is just starting to feel more and more incomplete when part of the team is missing. It feels like more work and less reward. We all play such important parts. I have such compassion for military families. How do they do it? Amazing.

On to our day. Just thought I'd come back in and let you all know how it went. Thanks for the well wishes Celeste and Melissa!

Seeking advice from seasoned moms.

I have a midwife appointment tomorrow morning, which I am really grateful for.

Something has been bothering me and I wanted to see if any of you other moms had any advice for me. I am 25 weeks now and have this overwhelming "full" feeling. When I wake up in the morning I feel as though I have just eaten a HUGE meal. Uncomfortable full. It lasts all day long.

I don't have much swelling, vision problems, or many headaches, and my blood pressure is and always has been low/normal. So far, I have gained 5 pounds total. So, I am inclined to think that it's not toxemia or preeclampsia.

Hydramnios?

Any input would be SO appreciated. ;) And, since I know that one of you happens to be a nurse, I know I'll be getting some GREAT feedback.

Happy fourth Sunday of Lent.

St. Patrick.

After some green waffles and shamrocks made from frosting....

Let us pray St. Patrick's prayer:

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the love of seraphim,
In the obedience of angels,
In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
In prayers of Patriarchs,
In predictions of Prophets,
In preaching of Apostles,
In faith of Confessors,
In purity of holy Virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I bind to myself today
The power of Heaven,
The light of the sun,
The brightness of the moon,
The splendour of fire,
The flashing of lightning,
The swiftness of wind,
The depth of sea,
The stability of earth,
The compactness of rocks.

I bind to myself today
God's Power to guide me,
God's Might to uphold me,
God's Wisdom to teach me,
God's Eye to watch over me,
God's Ear to hear me,
God's Word to give me speech,
God's Hand to guide me,
God's Way to lie before me,
God's Shield to shelter me,
God's Host to secure me,
Against the snares of demons,
Against the seductions of vices,
Against the lusts of nature,
Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
Whether far or near,
Whether few or with many.

I invoke today all these virtues
Against every hostile merciless power
Which may assail my body and my soul,
Against the incantations of false prophets,
Against the black laws of heathenism,
Against the false laws of heresy,
Against the deceits of idolatry,
Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.

Christ, protect me today
Against every poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against death-wound,
That I may receive abundant reward.

Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ within me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
Christ in the fort,
Christ in the chariot seat,
Christ in the poop [deck],
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Stations of the cross and a simply soup supper up at the school tonight. After letting two teachers go today, it's just what the doctor ordered. We could use a little community building and the principal and priest could use a warm hug.

Do you hear what I hear?

Is that sound wearing on anyone else's nerves? You know, the sound of four people coughing at the same time, all day long, in one house? No? Just the nerves of one tired mom talking? Okay then, that's what I thought. Sorry for the whining.

We are all getting better. I promise. Steve's fever of 103 for three days has finally seemed to subside this evening. Praise the Lord. Ella is the last hold out. Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day for her. Fingers crossed.

Oh, one more thing. We sold our house! Yay! Ah, God always has a way of putting a nice shiny silver lining around clouds. We just have to make sure to look up often and say thanks regularly.

It's all my fault.

We did it. We got through the Mediterranean dinner we donated to the auction--like a well-oiled machine. But, not without the help of some amazing friends who were willing to take six hours and come help us serve, some amazing Grandparents who watched/ nursed our children for over two days, and some serious prayers.

I was in bed all day on Thursday with a fever and the flu. Friday, Steve helped me prepare as much as he could and even did grocery shopping for me. I felt so weak and was so worried about getting through the dinner. The kids spent the day with Grandma and Grandpa and two ended up spending the night.

...then down came the rain.

We called Friday afternoon to check in and Paxton was throwing up. Ella had a fever all day yesterday (as did Steve) and then she was up throwing up last night. Shepherd seems to be the lone hold-out. Steve graciously waited to suffer the throbbing headache and severe fever until about 3/4 the way through the dinner last night. Poor guy. Today is just no good. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's darn right pitiful around here. The good news? I got all the dished done in about two hours! It's amazing what you can do when every family member is sufficiently plopped on a couch or chair slumped over waiting to die.

...now it's just a matter of time.

I am giving Grandma and Grandpa two days until I deliver some homemade chicken noodle soup and apologize yet again for exposing them to this wretchedness that has consumed us all.

I am finally feeling much better--just in time to take care of the entire rest of my family. It feels so good to feel needed AND up for the task!

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa. You saved our bacon. Er...our moroccan chicken.

How do you know....

when a 14 month old 'helped' you load the dishwasher?

When you find golfballs in the silverware compartment.

No complaints.

Grandma and Grandpa came this morning to pick up Paxton and Ella for a play day. It has just been me and Shepherd all day. I got all my groceries for the Mediterranean dinner we're giving this weekend, I cleaned the house, I went to the dollar store, I read a bit, I had a nice LONG uninterrupted phone conversation, and I have gotten some awesome one on one time with Shepherd who, I just learned today, is HILARIOUS. I have always known how sweet and playful he can be, but never before realized just what a jokester he is!

I must admit, it's now 3:30 and I'm bored. I talked with another girlfriend who is also pregnant with her fourth. She asked me how my day has been and then said, "Yeah, don't you just want to call and apologize to all the people you ever complained to about just being so busy with ONE?!" We laughed and I agreed. But, truth be told, I did feel legitamately busy with one. And then with two. And then with three. So, I have no doubt that when the fourth is born, I'll be saying..."Whoa. I'm busy."

And when the fourth is born, and Grandma and Grandpa come to pick up the other three for a play day, I'll be looking around feeling a bit bored, relishing the precious one on one time that I have been able to have with the baby and thinking, "Man, when is the rest of my family going to be together again? I miss them."

Ella? Pax? Come home. Shepherd, Daddy and I aren't complete without you.

Man does not live by creamer alone.

I have learned much about myself this last week and a half. I have needed this last week and a half to process and digest. I am finally ready to get back into the blogging saddle.

First, Fr. Corapi is amazing. I am so glad I went to listen to him last Saturday because, without trying to sound dramatic, he changed my life. I think he will have changed my family's lives too. We'll see.

I loved his approach. While I did buy his DVD with five seperate one hour talks about raising a Catholic family, this little conference was three talks in which all he did was address written questions from the audience. I won't take too much of your time and go through all 37 questions he was able to answer, rather, I'll just focus on the ones that made the biggest impression on me.

#1) How do I respond to my brother, who is a Protestant, who keeps asking me if I've been 'saved'?

Fr. Corapi: Uh, let me see. No. No you haven't been saved. You have been redeemed. You have been freed. You haven't been 'saved'. I haven't been saved either. You know when we'll know we've been saved? When we actually get to walk through those gates of Heaven. Until then, you better get busy. Work hard. Pray. Serve others. Forgive. Do your work, cuz brother? You haven't been 'saved'. ( I guess that was his hard hitting way of saying...."Um, yeah, it ain't enough to just believe. SHOW me. Faith through works, man.")

#2) Fr. Corapi, is there anything that you have done that you regret?

Fr. Croapi: Yes. Sin. All of it.

#3) Do you ever see all Christian churches being united again?

Fr. Corapi: Yes, I do. Jesus is the one Head of His one Church. Valid baptism brings you unto that One Body. There is a fullness of faith that many are lacking. They have only have two sacrements. We have seven. God writes a Natural Law on everyone's hearts: Do good, avoid evil. We can all be united again in that. We are all His children.

#4) Why do some people say that when our loved ones die they become guardian angels in Heaven to watch over us?

Fr. Corapi: When you die, you do not then become a snake or a rabbit or a fish. You do not become an Angel. Angels are seperate entities. They are not human. They always have been and always will be Angels and we will always be human beings. From the very moment of conception, God assigned you your very own Guradian Angel. That Guardian Angel (I love this part) is with you until you pass from this life on earth, always watching over you, guiding you, whispering in your hear. My Guardian Angel is very big. ( If you read about Fr. Corapi's life at all, you'll know why he says that. :))

#5) What do I say to my daughter who believes in reincarnation, my brother who says there is no God, and my Mormon father who asks 'what role does Jesus play in all of this'?

Fr. Corapi: You pray for them. You never stop praying for them. You lead by example. You show them what fullness of faith looks like. Original sin closed the gates of Heaven. Jesus came and threw them open for us. That's what role he has. He threw open the gates of Heaven and asked us to follow Him to them. Like Padre Pio said, Pray. And don't worry.


There were many more questions obviously, but those were some of the highlights and his responses were so great. The main message I walked away with was this; Don't become complacent. Dead bodies float downstream. We are not supposed to 'go with the flow'. Dead bodies go with the flow. We have been given life. We are alive. We have a duty to breathe life into our families. If we aren't? We are failing. We are not doing our jobs. And we are going to have to answer to God for that. You and I. Our jobs are to swim upstream and make a frontal assault on the gates of Hell by raising morally conscience, selfless, prayerful children, by working harder on our marriages than we want to or feel inspired to at times, by sanctifying each other. The family is the building block of society and it is being directly targeted. If you can look back, after the demise of a culture, it all started with the systematic demise of the family. We need to pray. Not worry. Not fear. Pray. Together. Every day. In the quiet of our hearts, in the midst of noise and laundry, in the face of the unknown and in pain.

So far, in this mere week and half of Lent that has passed, I have learned a lot. I am weak. I become weaker when I strip away all the excess, all the fluff, the things I think I 'need'. I become cranky, tired, weary. I lack faith, I become even shorter tempered and I give into hopelessness at times. I stop working on my marriage, I stop feeling compelled to breathe life and spark into my family. I am forced to look up.

This, I believe, is what I am supposed to be learning. To experience all these grossly unattractive human qualities and to look up. To throw my hands up and say, "Lord! Let this cup pass from me! Oh, wait, it didn't even pass from Your Own Son. I should probably suck it up and try to learn something here. Okay, I get it now. Thank you. I'm so sorry. Help me to do and be better."

I do not, indeed, live by creamer in my coffee. I do not live by all the sugar I consume, the overindulgence in which I partake. I do not live by a bad attidude just because I am tired. I do not live by inactivity or over-activity. I do not live by feelings alone.

I live by Word. I live by Divine Mercy. I live by thinking of myself last. I know I will slip. I know I will fail. I will not worry. I will work and I will pray--for me, for my family, for Him.

God love you all.

Offer it up.

Thank you, Danielle Bean, for once again telling me not what I wanted to hear but what I needed to hear.

Fr. Corapi and I

and about a thousand other people have a date tomorrow. I am SO excited and already tired. It should be a great and very full day in Seattle tomorrow. There are three talks, a Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, a Rosary AND a turkey lunch! Rock on! What more could a girl ask?

Paxton asked to say the Rosary tonight before bed. Again, thank You Lord. You are amazing. Please keep leading us as parents to do our job and to listen when opportunity calls. Help me to keep taking FULL advantage, to stop what I am doing, to listen and to teach. Help me to see teachable moments. Place a hedge of protection around my family and, specifically, my attitude as I keep trying to offer what little I can to You. Crankiness seems to come WAY too easily to me when I am pushed, stretched, and molded. I am sorry for that.

Do you see...

"Do you see God in that cloud, Mom?" asked Paxton.

That was the question my son asked me today, as we were driving home from running errands. That was quite possibly the most beautiful question I have been asked all week and also quite possibly the most difficult question to answer because of the many ways I could have answered it.

Ella replied, " I see Him!"

No answer needed from Mom. Just tears. Thank you, Lord, for showing Yourself so clearly to my children today--and me.

Lent begins.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Lord, draw us closer to You throughout these next special weeks. Help us to sacrifice and serve in ways that we aren't used to. Help us to guide our children and ignite within them a fire for Your path--the one of Mortification, True Peace, and Truth. Break us down so that You can build us up in You. We love You.

Amen.

It's official. We have a "Pat".

We had our ultrasound today. You know, the one where you get to see the baby, ooo and goo over what a perfect head and spine he or she has, find out the sex if you want to and laugh/cry about that TWO QUARTS (that's 8 cups, people. 8 cups!) of water you had to hold in your bladder so that they could take a perfect picture of your cervix? Well, it went really well.


No, we didn't find out the sex. I must admit, when we decided not to find out with Shepherd I still snuck a peek. I tried not to, but I just....well, I just did. And I was pretty sure I knew. Steve didn't know. And I didn't really know for sure. So technically, it was still very much a surprise. That was so cool.

I haven't been willing to acknowledge just how good at reading those ultrasounds I am. Steve let the tech know right away today and he maneuvered perfectly. So, this time? I have NO IDEA. I didn't even try to hide the fact that I was REALLY looking today. Hard. Still nothing. I found a perfect head, perfect and full lips, Steve's chin, and a beautifully shaped, four chambered heart. I saw my husbands long toes, some LONG legs that can only come from my Papa Mac, and a stomach that was dark and full, meaning our precious baby is swallowing fluid and digesting like a champ. The baby's hand was tucked perfectly underneath his or her chin, like Rodin's "The Thinker". Shepherd was flipping us off in his ultrasound, so this was an improvement. Yes, you read that right. We have the close up photo to prove it.

It's been such a great day. I've worked out, seriously exercised my bladder, had an ultrasound, seen our baby, had some one on one time/a mini-date with my husband, driven my brother out to look at the property we're building on, taken a wonderfully long nap with Ella sleeping right next to me, and caught up on all the news.

Tonight I think I'll make some dinner and spend some time with my beautiful family; just me, Steve, Paxton, Ella, Shepherd, and "Pat".

Chinese fire drill.

Phone: ring....ring....ring

Me: Hello?

Realtor: Um, hi, this is Susan. You know? With name 'x' realty?

Me: Oh, hi there! How are you?

Realtor: Good, good. Hey, listen, we're a little early. ( It is currently 12:00pm) I know I told you between 1:30 and 2:00. Is that going to be a problem?

Me: (beginning to perspire profusely) Oh, no. No big deal.

Realtor: Oh, good! Because we're on your road right now.

Me: (AHHHHH!!!!) Oh, really? Well, let us just load the kids up and we'll be out of your hair then. ( Trying to sound as breezy as possible)

Realtor: Great. We'll be there in about one minute then.

Me: ( RUNNING through the house to blow out candles, start the music, put away the vaccum cleaner, turn all the lights on, put the mop away, drain the sink and throw any odd or end under a sink or bed and then swinging the front door open to yell to Steve and the kids who have been playing soccer outside) Hey!!! We've got one minute to load up and get outta here! The realtor's early! Let's Move! Move! Move!

We made it out. As we were pulling out, they were pulling in. Whew. We (well, okay Steve) even managed to load our 104 pound lab into the car with the kids so we could ALL go to the park and play.

Dear Lord, thank You for this well-oiled machine into which You have molded us. Oh, and a high five to you too, Steve.

And it was another beautiful day with Grammy..

Grammy came over today to spend about 5 hours with the kids. Thank you, Grammy!!!

I ran some errands, visited one of my Parenting Program girls in the hospital (baby Grace Paige was born yesterday after an attempted version and subsequent c-section) and had a lovely lunch with my husband. All in all, it was a wonderful and much needed day out. I stopped my regular weekly shift at the pregnany center I was volunteering at, reducing my volunteer time to just an hour a week, running parenting programs with individual girls from my own town. It's been three weeks since I worked a shift and it's been a huge load off my shoulders (trying to juggle clients, urine samples, napping toddlers, and teething babies, and counseling all at the same time. What was I thinking?!), but it feels a bit sad too. I think today was just the medicine that the doctor ordered. I showered AND put deoderant on all before 9:30 am!

Anyway, back to Grammy. Thank you so much, Vivian. Really, you are a blessing in so many ways. I love the way you love my children, the energy you give them, the way you speak to them and the kindness you let them see you show to other people. All are examples I want them to learn from. Your grace is beautiful.

I walked in the door and the kids exlaimed, " Mommy! Mommy! We had candy today! And chocolate!" Then Ella said, as she mustered dramatic tears, "Oh, Grammy, don't leave!".

What a day indeed.

Happy St. Valentine's Day to you all tomorrow. Let us all take time to remember the saint after whom this special day to focus on those we love is named.

Being a team player.

Me: Paxton, how are you going to help out when the baby is born?

Paxton: Um, well, I can hold the baby when your arms get sweaty.

That's my boy.

Elizabeth Ministry.

I am thinking about starting an Elizabeth ministry in our parish. It seems that the need for something like this is just growing like crazy and yet we really have nothing to offer yet. My bible study/book club group is actually in another town and all the women except me attend the parish in that town. So, in an effort to fully embrace that fact that I live in THIS town, I think I should dive right in and start something here. In the words of Danielle Bean, "Mom to Mom, Day to Day".

Does anyone have any experience with this ministry? Is there a way to make it a little less formal (ie: not using all the manuals and videos per se, but just meeting once a month, praying together, and maybe doing a scripture study together?) I'd love some feedback.

Taken from American Catholic:

The goal of Elizabeth ministers is to emulate the example of their namesake—Elizabeth. "She's the first one in Scripture to recognize Jesus," says Hannemann. "So as Elizabeth ministers, our call is to recognize Jesus in everyone that we meet and especially the unborn child. And then our role is to encourage women—to encourage whatever God has given them at that point in their lives."

On this day...

11 years ago, a REALLY cute guy asked me if I'd go out with him. I said 'yes'.

Now, here we are, with three children, one on the way, feeling quite confident that it was God's idea all along.

Thanks, God! I couldn't be happier in a million years. Steve and I owe you BIG.

Doing my family proud.

This is the letter I just sent to the editor. I am such an embarrassment to my in-laws! Dragging this name through the media like I do. I'm only half serious. Everyone who knows me knows that I believe you have to stand for something, else you stand for nothing. Now that's quotable!



"The greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a war against the child." -Mother Teresa

Moses Lake's annual March for Life was held this past Sunday at 1pm. Some of you may have seen us walking together on Stratford Road, holding signs and waving at passersby. You might have seen us and you might have honked to show your support or just waved back. Thank you.

Thank you to all those of you who showed up to walk in in the cold. To walk for Life.

The war on terror is on everyone's minds. We have lost 3,084 Americans in the war on terror--Americans who gave their lives honorably, defending our country. But, there is a another war going on. In this war and in only one day, the dead and wounded outnumber the Americans killed in the entire war on terror. It's a war we aren't talking about; right here in America, on our own soil. We have lost over 47,000,000 Americans so far. How many more will we lose? We are killing and wounding our own in record numbers; 3,700 murdered children and 3,700 wounded mothers per day. 126,000 per day worldwide. It is truly the invisible holocaust.

Please pray about what you can do. How can you be more involved? How can you be more involved in helping a fellow American? An innocent American, whose life is just as valuable as yours and mine, is worth helping. Don't you agree? Big or small, you can absolutely make a difference in our community.

An unwanted pregnancy never equals an unwanted child.

Next year, please join us. Please plan ahead, and join us. We never know what hurting mother might need to see us out there that day, smiling, waving, and reminding her that her life is valuable and that the little life within her is valuable--both were divinely created for a purpose.

God bless you, His precious child-

Nevermind.

...while we were making pretzels and I was making an egg wash for them.

Paxton: Mom, can I do that?

Me: No, honey, this is raw egg. It could have bacteria in it.

Paxton: What's bacteria?

Me: Umm....it's complicated.

Paxton: What's complicated mean?


Are we already to that every-single-sentence-is-a-question phase?

40 hours.

We are back. It took 40 hours and I feel like a WHOLE NEW WOMAN. Refreshed. Renewed. Ready to take on my busy life again.

We did indeed eat the best Thai food on the face of the earth. We meandered through Ikea. We ate at Andaluca. We visited each place we lived over there (four total) to see how much things had changed. We went to a David Copperfield show. I did, in fact, make it through not one but two entire Seattle Times, beginning to end. I drank coffee. We went to Borders and got some gifts for the kids. I showered without rushing. We finished conversations. It was glorious.

Thank you, Steve, for a wonderful weekend away. Thank you, Mom, for making it possible.

The funniest sign we saw was carried by a transient rocking out to a street bagpipe performer: Help. My father was killed by Ninjas. Need money for karate lessons.

More than I do.

Steve and I are three days away from a weekend away--all by ourselves. Thanks to Noni, at this time on Friday we'll be driving in the car, likely listening to some type of conservative talk radio, kicking up our heels and relaxing. Just the two of us.

Seattle, here we come!

I can almost taste it. Thai food, Ikea, Andaluca, a movie, lots of walking downtown, a few homeless people and maybe a little candy from "The Candy Bowl" at Steve's main office. I'm going to read the entire paper, IN ONE SITTING, with a steaming cup of decadent coffee in hand. You want to come with us, don't you?

Noni, you're a lifesaver. As Paxton says, " I love you more than I do".

I'm wishing I were in Washington D.C...

and praying for all those that are.

"And if we can accept that a mother can kill her child how can we tell other people not to kill one another?"
-Mother Teresa

We're in like...

Sardines.

1400 square foot adorable rental? Here we come!

There's no place like home.

1700 square feet: The size of the first home we ever bought. It was a townhouse and we loved it.

4000 square feet: The size of the second home we bought. It was a six bedroom, three bath. We had 2 children. We loved it.

400 square feet: The size of the garage we lived in. Yes, you read that right. Garage. We had two children and one on the way. We didn't love it but we were grateful to have it and we made it work.

6000 square feet.: The size of the house that we were supposed to start construction on when we lived in said garage. We loved the house plans that we had designed and we were going to have 3 children.

2300 square feet: The size of the home that we bought when we decided it was a bad idea to build the aforementioned house. We weren't in love with the location and it just didn't feel like it was the right time. It really felt like God was guiding us in another direction. We still had 3 children.

1400 square feet: The size of the rental home that we just went and looked at and FELL IN LOVE with. It is about 100 feet from the front door of the church, and two blocks away from a park, a beautiful cemetary, a coffee shop, the library, and the bank. It's tiny, cramming 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and two stories in that 1400 square feet. We loved it and we are going to have 4 children, one dog, one cat, and one Steve working from home in it.

5000 square feet: The size of the home that we'll start building in the spring. On 5 acres. 5 acres that couldn't feel more right or more blessed by God. We'll live there with our 4 children, our existing animals, and maybe some chickens. And you know what? We'll be the same family we were in that little garage.

Home is where our heart is. Our heart is in our family. Our family will always be home.

Blessed Business.

We have a busy rest of the week and weekend ahead of us. This is one of those rare times I find myself wishing that it was Monday!

Work today and working out tonight. Putting the house on the market and finalizing cleaning out/ storing all unnecessary items in the house tomorrow. School Advisory Committee meeting tomorrow night. We are going to have to fire a teacher, I think. :( I meet with my Parenting Program student on Friday, and have a card making class Friday night while my family has "movie and pizza night" without me. I'll make a potato salad and drop it off at the church for a funeral on Saturday morning. Saturday, my women's group is having a "most of us are having a baby" party. :) I am looking forward to that! It'll be here, so I have a few things to get ready. No gifts, but some fun decorations, a couple fun games, and a super cute cake. Saturday night, the children's theater is presenting "The Jungle Book". Still on the fence about whether we'll go or not. I think it'd be so fun to take Paxton and Ella. We'll see where our energy is and how the kids are holding up.

See? Now, don't you wish it were Monday?

Life is good. Life is busy. Life is full. Life is blessed.

Language acquisition.

Shepherd: **spontaneously screams** (as he has become acccustomed to doing all hours of the day now)

Me: **sigh** Oh, baby. Why do you have to do that?!

Paxton: Mom, he's just saying 'hi'.

Steve: *laughs*

Me: Oh, really?

Paxton: Yeah. You didn't know I could speak baby, did you?

I am grateful for...

1. Friday night "movie and pizza" night. ( And kids that get totally excited when we ask them what day it is. Wednesday= mom's work and playdate after that, Friday=movie and pizza night, and Sunday= getting to go to Jesus' house.)

2. A husband who rarely complains about anything.

3. Curves.

4. Really supportive sisters in Christ who are more supportive than I could have imagined. Bloggers and non-bloggers.

5. Maternity pants.

6. The fact that we are going to get to BUILD a house this year. That we get to sell this one, and get to have the adventure of moving again, and that we aren't scared in the least about any of it.

7. My amazing children that say more adorable things during the day than I could even hope to remember.

8. Faith.

9. Family.

10. That I get to stay home and enjoy, nourish, and foster both.

Perspectives.

(As we are all in the van, on the way home after Mass, Shepherd starts SCREAMING at the top of his lungs. Not crying. Not upset. Just screaming very, very, very loudly.)

Ella: Baby Shepherd! Stop screaming! You're just being too loud!

Paxton: He's just happy to be alive, Ella!

Ah, yes, that must be it.

Let me ask you...

what is a better testament to the power of prayer than the fact that the following transformations have taken place within the lives of the nine women in my Women's Book Club/Prayer group in the last six months;

1. Seven out of nine of us are now pregnant, one of which was convinced the only way she and her husband could ever conceive would be through IVF. (They already had one child this way. Our next book is Christopher West's "Theology of the Body", which will hopefully educate us ALL about the sanctity of human life and the Church's teaching.)

2. Two of our husbands (mine included) have had conversions of heart and found Christ.

3. One woman finally sent off her annulment papers yesterday after sitting on them for over a year because of fear and feelings of failure.

I cannot believe the change in direction Steve's and my life has taken. We were talking and reflecting on the past year and all the things that have changed for us. I am so in love with who Steve is. I have a greater respect for him now than ever before. I watch the way he is a leader with our children. I watch they way he instructs them in everything from having good manners, to helping him fix something, to what Jesus is asking of us. I watch the way that he continues to grow in his own faith and continues to force me to stretch myself.

In my own life, I have noticed change. I yell less. I still talk just as much, but, while I used to pray for God to help me talk less, now I realize that it's a gift. The gift of communication. If I didn't speak like I do, I couldn't do what I do. Girls certainly wouldn't confide in me about unplanned pregnancy, abusive boyfriends, or sexual promiscuity like they do when I am open, safe, and comforting. I definitly wouldn't have the beautiful friendship with my husband that I do. All with words. I recently started praying for docility as well. Not patience. I have found that when I pray for patience I am given WAY more opportunites to practice it than I'd like. No, no prayers for patience. Prayers for docility. Docility.

Hopefully in this new year we'll be building a new home, moving from this one into a much smaller rental while we wait, welcoming a sixth member to our family, and Steve will be getting a promotion. I will find more balance, question myself less and pray more. Steve will keep leading this family and gaining more and more comfort to lead spritually as well. We are in process.


And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. Matthew 21:22


Pray like it's all up to Him, work like it's all up to you.

Engrossed.

I am engrossed. Currently, I am reading one of the best books I have read to date. One of my favorite authors, Scott Peck's beautiful work; "The People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil". It is so good. I am learning. (Specifically that evil doesn't necessarily have anything to do with being possessed or the people you might only find in prisons.) I am learning and I am finding that all those psychology courses and that nifty major of mine is paying off. I might not be out in the work force but, darn it, I have enough clean up work to do right in my own family and extended families! When we live in the Truth, and let go of fear, we Live. Here's to endless learning and LIVING.

In another effort to live in the Truth, I am making major strides on the home front. This comes after a particularly disturbing and brief conversation that took place at our dinner table about a week ago. I was tired, which is no excuse but must be said. I am not proud.

Me: Okay, let's sit down and eat. Dinner's ready.

Everyone: Okay!

Ella: Can I have some water?

Me: ( as I get up to get it) **sighing** Yes. Hang on.

(Shepherd is screaming, sitting at his high chair, waiting to be fed)

Me: There. Oh, we need napkins. Hang on. (more sighing as I go back to the kitchen to retrieve the napkins).

...I'm finally sitting down so we can begin eating.

Paxton: Mommy, can I have some milk too?

Me: Argh! You know, I'd just like to sit and eat MY dinner for once! Is that possible?! It's not my job to always be serving YOU.



Okay. There it is. I had to make serious amends to Paxton later. That conversation has been sticking with me since then. I haven't been able to shake the fact that I said that to my son. I talked with Steve about it after the kids had gone to bed that night. I said, " I feel badly. You know, that IS my job. It IS my job to serve him. That is my vocation. It's my own small call to holiness. And here I am, complaining and whining about it. Getting angry and resentful at the kids for needing me so much." Steve just smiled and said, " I know. I thought the same thing." ( At which point I didn't know whether to keep my moment of humility in tact or get up and sock him between the eyes. Thankfully, I had a moment of grace and chose the former.) I knew what he meant, though. I knew that he was lovingly encouraging me to feel and explore a little guilt, a little attack of conscience, and to use it to improve myself. Not to wallow in it, but to make postive change. He just didn't quite put it that eloquently.

So, I have been saying a morning consecration. A prayer dedicating my entire day, my words, my eyes, my ears, and my duties to God. A prayer of thanks and of intention to entrust my children, my husband and myself to Him. To what He desires for us. I have also been making a much more conscious effort to say a prayer (thanks to Danielle Bean) to my childrens' guardian angels. A prayer of protection. Protection from me. I know, it sounds like I beat my children. I promise, I don't. It sounds like I run around screaming at them, chasing them with sticks. I don't. But, what concerns me is something that I have known for many years but something that I guess I never gave much thought until recently.

You can break children. Without ever touching a hair on their head. You can break them with inattention, emotional unavailability, being fearful yourself, witholding love and affection, and keeping God's beauty and message from them. You can break them.

God, with Your Love and Grace, may we not only not break our children, but may we build them up, with Your help, into spiritual, selfless, emotional, happy, loving, life-filled, truthful servants. May we always protect them from human evil, ours or others. May we do it with a spirit of Joy. The True Joy of selflessness.

I am currently engrossed in my family becoming a "People of The Truth".

Devotions Meme

1. Favorite devotion or prayer to Jesus? The Lords Prayer.

2. Favorite Marian devotion or prayer? Hail Mary

3. Do you wear a scapular or medal? Neither. I wear a rosary bracelet but no medal or scapular. Am I a wuss for being scared of the wool on the scapular?

4. Do you have holy water in your home? No, but it's on my to-do list within the month.

5. Do you offer up your sufferings? I am getting better at it.

6. Do you observe First Fridays and First Saturdays? Not yet. We are talking about it.

7. Do you go to Eucharistic Adoration? How frequently? I have to ask our priest if we can start it. Our parish doesn't currently have adoration. :(

8. Are you a Saturday evening Mass person or Sunday morning Mass person? Definitely Sunday morning. I love to make our whole day be about Christ and family.

9. Do you say prayers at mealtime? Always. (The kids would NEVER let us forget!)

10. Favorite Saint(s)? St. Francis and St. Anthony.

11. Can you recite the Apostles Creed by heart? Yes.

12. Do you usually say short prayers (aspirations) during the course of the day? All day long.

13. Where is your favorite places to pray? Sitting up in my bed, at the end of the day, in the shower, and when I'm doing dishes.

14. Bonus Question: When you pass by an automobile accident or other serious mishap, do you say a quick prayer for the folks involved? Always. In fact, the kids do as well. They really seem to be drawn to impromptu prayer, even if it is for a crisis situation.

Hiatus.

Wow. That was such a nice break. Not one entirely without guilt, mind you, but nice nonetheless. I checked my favorite peoples' blogs everyday, just didn't quite require the same posting effort of myself. Ahh....to let one's self off the hook.

We have really enjoyed a wonderful holiday season. It's not quite over yet, but as we are drawing near the epiphany I keep thinking and reflecting. I keep thinking about all the new things we did this year. Our little family started some pretty neat traditions and we also got to include some old ones, passed down from our parents and grandparents as well. Tradition is such a beautiful thing isn't it?

Advent was a hit and the kids had a lot of fun. I never really realized before just how important it is to really make the effort to bring tradition and spirituality to their level. To make faith come alive. To make Christ's Peace come alive for them. That is our JOB as parents. If we don't do that for them, who are we to complain when they're questioning the existence of God at the age of 15? Steve and I can't ever be too lazy to be our family's leaders. Even when it's hard. Even when we're tired and discouraged. Even when I am pregnant and overwhelmed. Even when every secular thing around us is saying that the way we're doing it is "crazy", "over the top" or "rigid".

Christmas was beautiful. Despite our entire family being taken down with a nasty case of the flu right in the middle of it all. We tried to keep our spirits up ( I must admit, I faltered a time or two with the whole high spirit thing) and we really tried to keep the focus where it should be. It's funny, even with limiting the gifts to three outside gifts a piece, our kids still have WAY too many toys. We had to go to a Superstore yesterday and buy huge plastic bins just to store everything! We baked, we laughed, we sang, we drove to Noni's house for the weekend and rode on a Horse Drawn carriage in the snow. We played lots of games, we went to Mass, we watched the story of St. Nicholas, we sang happy birthday to Jesus and put him in the manger, we gave gifts, received gifts, and built snow forts. We created really cherished family traditions and memories. I really think it's just going to keep getting better every year.

Along with my children, I learned a few things this season as well. My expectations of myself are too high in a few areas of my life. In others, they aren't high enough. So, my resolution? To let go. I am going to let go ( well pray like crazy and ask for help, because left to my own accord...) of those things which are entirely out of my control and just cause me pain and frustration. I am also going to sit down with Steve tonight ( his idea) and make goals in 7 areas of our lives. Things we'd like to change, but specifically, for me, things I'd like to be better at or to learn. I have been excusing my lack of dedication in certain areas by the fact that I have three+ children, or I volunteer, or I'm tired at the end of the day, or....you get the idea.

One area of renewed dedication; I LOVE Curves. Every woman on the face of the earth should go to Curves. (I promise, I'm not being paid to say that.) Although, I am really feeling like three times a week isn't enough. Anyone have any experience with that? Steve started going to a different gym and we are alternating every other morning.This is another way we realize we need to be leaders of our family. If they don't see us wanting to taking of ourselves every day, why will they?

On hiatus no more, people. Hiatus no more.

" And suddenly

there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying: 'Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.'" Luke 2:13-14

Thank you, Lord, for bringing us the Saviour who is Messiah. He is the reason. His glory shineth around us.

May God bless you all this Christmas and pull you close to Him, letting you rest in His perfect arms.

Merry Christmas.

March no more.

" I love you SO much."

That's what Ella leaned in to say to Paxton as they were playing a game together on the computer tonight. So, maybe my efforts to foster strong emotional connections haven't completely failed. Or, maybe she just wanted to get as close to him as she could so she could snatch the mouse out of his hand without any warning. Either way, I'll take it. Either way, Paxton got to hear "I love you" tonight from someone who's usually telling him he can't be her best friend anymore. Progress. We're making progress.

This last week of Advent activites has been really nice. It's mostly been discussions which, while daunting at first, are really painless now. The kids really seem to be able to close their eyes and imagine the picture we are creating with words, to put themselves in those shoes and to summon compassion. I am really loving our talks at the dinner table with the Advent candles glowing, lighting up their eyes.

We've talked about the wise men and their gifts. About what gifts we can give Jesus. We've talked about it being better to be rich in who we are than in what we have. To be rich in blessings and to have real treasures. We've talked about heavenly treasures and how they are much different than earthy ones.

And tonight? The world's best Gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15. "Let us thank God for His priceless gift". There is not enough money in the world to replace a priceless gift. What makes Jesus our priceless gift from God?

I am finding myself more and more excited about Christmas and this upcoming weekend spent with family; relaxing, playing and laughing by the fire. I am letting go of all the stress of the last three weeks. I decided that my childrens' December birthdays will never be blown over or rushed through. They will always have their own birthday celebrations, with no Santa Claus anywhere in sight. In order to accomplish this goal? I'll be starting to plan for their birthdays in September. Okay, that's a little ridiculous, but at least by November. Less stress for Mommy, more fun for the whole family!

Oh, and one more thing. Steve and I are never having sex in March again.

Nutthouse? Anyone? No? Just me?

Two birthday's down. One to go.

I have been to Spokane and back, we're off to Paxton's Christmas play tonight, Dad's birthday lunch and volunteer work tomorrow, then off to Spokane for the weekend.

I keep having this huge expectation of myself this time of year. It's been eating at me that I STILL haven't posted pictures of Ella's birthday, talked about it, posted pictures of Shepherd's birthday, talked about that, or posted any pictures of our Advent projects. I have to let it go. When I get to it, I'll get to it. Right? Until then....I'll just keep beating myself up that I can't seem to pull everything together enough to at least appear organized.

We are still doing our nightly Advent projects. We are still doing family activities and trying our darndest to relax and enjoy the season as much as we can. I am trying to stay as relaxed and upbeat as possible. The thing is, I have just seemed to have lost my "filter" as of late. You know, that filter than enables one to tolerate peoples' bullsh*t? My filter is totally busted right now. Does that have anything to do with pregnancy? With holidays and mingling different families? With feeling like crud in general for a good half of the day?

My mom, who's a therapist, says this is her busiest time of year. Hmmm....I can't imagine why.

..and a Penguin cake in a pear tree.

Penguin cake made. Check.

Advent activity to light a candle in a dark room and show the kids just how much Jesus being in our lives can help us out, help us to see in darkness. Check.

Video camera battery charging for hours and hours of taping fun for a certain sweet boy's 1st birthday party. Check.

Worked out for my very first time at Curves this morning. Check. Loved it. Check.

Made an attempt to go to confession tonight. Check. ( It's insane the amount of people that seem to feel unclean ALL at the same time. There were like 20 people waiting in line! I didn't have a chance.) Next week. Check.

In bed by 10:00pm. Check.

Forgive me?

Okay, so apparently when I say "later today" what that translates to is "anytime within the next 90 hours". Heads up.

Our Advent activities seem to be more discussions lately. We have had to stretch ourselves as parents to try to finesse the wording and illicit contemplation from a 3 and 4 year old. Not an easy task.

Day 9: Jesus loves little children and says His kingdom belongs to them and those who believe like them. Matthew 19:14.
We were suppose to look at baby pictures of ourselves and Thank God for letting us always come to Him like children can come to their parents.

Day 10: Make way, you in the desert! Raise all the valleys; level all the mountains; smooth out the rough and rugged places. Make a highway-the Lord is coming! Isaiah 40:3-5. We talked about things in our lives that might be rough and rugged and in need of Gods smoothing out. Paxton suggested bathwater. Ella suggested her hair.

Day 11: Years before Jesus was born, Isaiah, a prophet, gave us a picture: Jesus would be like a new banch growing out of an old stump. He would bear fruit: wisdom, understanding, knowledge, power, delight in God, goodness, and justice. Amazing things would come from Jesus because God's spirit was with Him. Isaih 11:1-5. Dear God, I know that I may never be perfect like Jesus, but please help me to be like a tree that bears good fruit. Task? To make an ornament shaped like your favorite fruit. Paxton's would be a strawberry and Ella's would be a blueberry. We need to get those made.

Day 12: "The Shepherd's Surprise" There were shepherds living out in their fields, keeping watch over their sheep at night. Luke 2:8. The shepherds were just doing their jobs. They had no idea of the great surprise that God had in store for them. What does God have in store for us? Thank You for surprising us with blessings, God! We are making a list of all the good things God has already given us. Snow, family, headache medicine, eggnog, etc...

Tonight, Day 13: God's Word is like a lamp that lights the path of our lives by showing us how to live in God's Truth. Psalm 119:105. Dear God, thank You for the Bible. Help us to grow in our love and understanding of Your Holy Word. Amen. We'll be playing with flashlights tonight and seeing how far they can light our way.

Whew. Have I really missed updating for 5 days?!

Shepherd's 1st birthday is on Tuesday, but we'll be having his party on Sunday. Better get crackin' on that cake! And tell you about Ella's party. And post pictures of Advent activities. Oh, how there are too few hours in my life.

reality checks.

I am busy today, making four batches of almond roca for various upcoming events. I am trying to make up for yesterday, which was a TOTAL wash, since my migraine permitted only small amounts of productivity here and there in between head rubs and vomiting. SO sad. Anyway, I am a whole new woman today and feeling like taking on the world!

While I was on my first batch of candy, I overheard this conversation:

Ella: Paxton! You can't have that!

Paxton: Yes I can! It's mine, Ella!

Ella: Well, then, I'm just not going to be your best friend anymore!

Paxton: You should get out of my room then.

Ella: But....but....why?

I had my volunteer shift yesterday. It seemed to drag on and on with my pounding headache. What with all the gagging while accepting and testing urine samples, I was really starting to feel sorry for myself. Then? Then, just as I am about to walk out the door to head home, flowers came. For me. Flowers for me. My beautiful husband had sent flowers to me. Just because. I was sort of speechless and then I felt like I should send them back. I haven't done ANYTHING to deserve flowers lately.

My reality check? That even when I am feeling sorry for myself, whining and the like, my best friend will still let me stay in his room and he'll even send me flowers because he can see that my behavior is a desperate plee for some nurturing.

Thank You, my beautiful Lord, for bringing this amazing man into my life. Thank You for humbling me and making me slow down, forcing me to appreciate my life, my blessings, and my precious family.


**an Advent activity update coming later today.

Humility.

Me: (after getting Paxton dressed and ready for Preschool, and then looking at the finished product..) Wow!

Paxton: Yeah, I know.

Helping Him with our Happiness.

This begins the second week of Advent. We are so anxious and excited for the coming of the Christ Child. I have been thinking about my attitude a lot lately. About how my attitude makes or breaks my experience, how I see others, how I see the world. I have been guilty, oftentimes, of waiting for feelings of charity, patience, and compassion to just wash over me like rain or influenza. It doesn't work like that. I am really aware of that, lately. Happiness is not about luck. All those wonderful feelings must be cultivated, tended to, sewn.

This is taken from a great book I am reading right now; 'People universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't, you will leak away your innate contentment. It's easy enough to pray when you're in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.'

So good. So appropriate for what our Advent topic and activity was tonight.

"If a child asks his parents for a fish, will they give him a snake? Of course not! If people, who are not perfect, know how to give good gifts to their children, won't God, who is perfect, do a much better job of giving good gifts to His children when they ask Him?" Matthew 17:10

We need to ask for happiness by asking God what HE wants for us. Only then will we really find happiness. He is the PERFECT gift giver, giving us things we may not understand, want, or feel like we need. He knows. He loves us with a perfect love. His desire for our happiness is infinitely greater than we can even fathom.

I was born with dark hair, dark eyes, deep and easy laughter, drool filled slumber, long fingers, child bearing hips, and a stubborn stong will for a reason. God knew what he was doing. He always does. Now? Now these child bearing hips hold babies all day long, these long fingers fit perfecly intertwined with my husband's on quiet drives home, and this strong will keeps me from quitting when everything in my body wants to. God gave me gifts that I didn't ask for, that sometimes I don't even want. But always, always I can know that He has a plan for my happiness, for all of ours, that is greater than we can know.

We just can't ever stop doing the work, taking Him for granted.

Reason for the Season

Day 6: Jesus said, "Look at the birds-they don't buy or make their food and they don't store it anywhere. God is the one who takes care of them. You are even more valuable to God than the birds." Luke 12:24

Lesson learned? Do not be afraid of losing anything and do not be bound by earthly possessions. Thank you God, for always taking care of our needs when we trust in You. Amen.

We made a feast for the birds! We dipped pinecones in peanut butter and than rolled them in birdseed. We hung 5 of them throughout our yard for the birds to enjoy.

Day 7: Tonight we talked about Psalm 127:2. God grants His loved ones sleep. The Bible tells us that God never sleeps. Tonight, when we put the kids to bed, we'll thank Him for keeping watch and protecting us while we sleep.

We had a nice day today. Daddy and Paxton had a "Boy's Morning" and then came home and put lights on the house. Ella helped me do a little cooking and baking and Shepherd crawled around, getting into anything he thought looked fun. We watched the space shuttle launch as a family tonight and the kids LOVED it. It is pretty amazing isn't it? We are able to go into OUTER SPACE.

Steve and I are having a date after the kids go to bed. We're watching a movie and sitting on the couch, side by side. It seems that with all the hustle and bustle of this season and the activity that surrounds us, we are left at the end of the day looking at each other saying, "Hey, who are you? When did you get here?"

Tonight I'd like to look at him and say, "Hey, there you are! I've missed you."

Family days.

Thank you, Melissa, for sharing one of the most beautiful photos I have seen in quite a while.

This is a very special day. The day we get to celebrate when the Virgin Mary herself was conceived without sin, temptation, or spiritual turmoil. She was, quite arguably, the most perfect human being that ever lived. Wouldn't you choose her to give birth to your Son if you knew He was going to be the SAVIOR OF THE WORLD?

"For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed." Luke 1:48 (also part of the Canticle of Mary)

Mass was lovely today and the kids, for the most part, were well behaved. On Holy Days of Obligation we usually attend Mass in the school gym, since that 9:00am time seems to work the best for our family (7:00 is just a little too close to bedtime). We usually spring Paxton from his Preschool room and we all walk down the hall together for Mass. It's nice that some of the other parents do that too. I think the Preschoolers get an idea about what an important day this must be, if they get to be picked up by their whole family and hang in the gym together!

Our priest has been teaching the kids latin. Since he took over this parish, about six months ago, he has done wonderful things with the school. He is a former teacher himself and latin tradition enthusiast. All the kids in this little school now know the Lord's Prayer, the Hail Mary, and the Emmanuel in latin. It is the most beautiful thing to see a 6 year old saying the Hail Mary in latin. I wish my mind were spongy like theirs! It's a bit more like a pumice stone now, especially since pregnancy brain is in full swing. So far today, I have spilled a glass of milk, hit my head on the garbage can lid (don't ask), tripped over a blanket that was in plain sight, and hit my head again on the cupboard in the bathroom.

I will post later about our advent activities. These are really neat to do together. I just wish they didn't involve so much glue. It's so....sticky.

I WILL post pictures. I promise. It is not empty. I mean this. I will post them.

Friday nights are movie and pizza nights and I CAN"T WAIT. Mommy's ready for a teeny break.

Priorities.

Me: Ouch. My hip really hurts today.

Paxton: Oh no, Mom! Are you still going to be able to dance?

Oh, my sweet boy, always. I will always dance with you.

The Leaving.

Oh, dear. It has already happened. It has already come to that point when my mom leaves, after having been here a few days and I have to sit and think. I think about how much she does when she's here, about how much my children adore her and love playing with her, listening to her read, listening to her sing silly, impromptu songs throughout the house. I think about how much I DON'T do when she's here because I'm just that comfortable. She did laundry, washed, dusted and organized.

My mom and I always make it a point to set aside time to argue about at least one thing, as well, while she's here. We just want to be as productive as we can. Nothing in particular, but just one thing. We get it out of the way and then we move on, having hashed, rehashed and "heard" each other. I think another thiry years of this and we will have finally resolved every issue we've ever had.

Now that I don't have a Noni to distract I have to pull other tricks out of my hat. The kids are now each having "bedroom time" so I can get a few things done before dinner and this evening's Advent activities.

Last night's Advent activity was to go outside and enjoy the night sky. Daddy bundled the kids up and they lasted about five minutes and found 2 stars. The focus was on Psalm 148:3,5 "Praise Him, sun and moon! Praise Him, all you shining stars! God commanded, and there you are!" Dear God, thank you for being the light of the world. Amen.

Tonight we are going to read Psalm 8:3-4, " I am overwhelmed when I look up at the heavens and see the stars Your hands have made. It is amazing that You even think about me!" Dear God, Your world is so big and I am so small. Yet, You know me and give me everything I need. I may not always understand it, but I am grateful. Amen.

We'll make a star ornament for the tree tonight. And, yes, the pictures are coming. I promise. Just as soon as Steve gets around to it.

I went to my volunteer shift today, like all Wednesdays. Mom stayed with the kids, picked Paxton up from Preschool, took the kids to McDonald's, brought them home, colored, read, gave naps and finished more laundry. Usually I take the kids with me and we are rushing and I'm "shushing" all day long. Today, I came home to a beautiful house and happy children, much different than the exhausted, crankiness that usually follows a day when Mommy "works". It was so wonderful.

What am I going to miss the most about Noni? Wicked games of gin after the kids go to bed, too much laughter, and plenty of sarcasm to get me through until the next time we meet again. Thank you, Mom, for getting me. Thank you, Mom, for your beautiful sense of humor, for rarely taking yourself too seriously, for lightening my crankiness with a wink and a colorful remark, reminding me that I am taking myself WAY too seriously. Thank you for loving my husband as your own son, for talking to him, laughing with him, teasing him, and folding his underwear. Thank you for making the effort. All the time. Even if it means we're going to fight sometimes. I love that about you. Fearless communication. Advice, complements and strategies. Thank you for those priceless, beautiful gifts.

What my kids are going to miss the most about Noni? Baths with lots of bubbles and laughter, singing and dancing in the middle of the floor, or snuggling slumber parties and story telling. Hard to say which makes the biggest impression. One thing is for sure, though. After Noni leaves we are all changed just a little more. And we thank her for her influence.

Now, if we could just get her to stop having surgeries and such lengthy recovery time, we wouldn't have to wait so long in between long visits. Although, my Nana always had a saying which she has passed on to my mother; "Guests are like fish: after three days they start to stink."

We love you, Mom. Even if you stink.

Advent activities update..

I told you I would post and let you in on our activities each night, as we celebrate the season of Advent together. Sorry I'm a day late. Please excuse my slackerdom.

For the first day of Advent, we talked about Luke 1:26-32, " God sent the angel Gabriel to a town called Nazareth...", and said a prayer thanking God for His special plan for Mary and for us, too. Then, we made an angel ornament for the Christmas tree. Steve, who has let me know how "non-crafty" I am (in the most loving way), had to show me up with not one, but two PERFECT ornaments.

Tonight's reading and discussion was from Matthew 2:6. "Out of you, little town of Bethlehem, will come the greatest of rulers, for He will be the Shepherd of all of God's people." We followed with a prayer thanking Jesus for being the Good Shepherd, and always taking care of all of our needs, keeping us safe and sound. We made a sheep ornament.

Steve thinks we should post some pictures. What do you think?

I am SO happy to be doing this for Advent this year. We made our own Advent wreath this year as well.

Noni is here for the next couple days and is so much fun to have around. She has been playing with the kids in ways that I never seem to find time to, doing laundry, dishes, and cleaning. She helped us decorate the tree and make our ornaments. Where does she get all this crazy energy? She did ask this evening, after our "Advent Craft Time", if it was bedtime yet. :)

Life is so blessed and I am really, really trying to take it one beautiful day at a time.

I am fully aware that I have yet to post about Ella's 3rd birthday. I am sorry. There is so much to tell and what with all the crimestopping I've been doing, I just haven't had time. It's coming. Soon. I promise. Really.

Vigilante by night. It's all in a day's work.

This month feels busier than any December that I can remember in past years. Why? What's different, you ask? Let me tell you.

It all started with Thanksgiving. That was busy. Now it's time to get ready for some pretty big birthdays, obviously JESUS' being the biggest. Ella will be 3 tomorrow. Shepherd will be 1 on the 19th. My dad will be 53 on the 20th. And Jesus will be....well, you get the idea. Advent, addressing Christmas cards, attending Christmas programs, cookie exchanges, Christmas shopping, holiday parties, and birthday parties. You know what? I wouldn't change a thing. Not a thing.

What I am going to pray for help with? Just relaxing and taking one beautiful day at a time. Just relaxing. Just relaxing. Just relaxing. I am already feeling more relaxed. Ahh....that's better.

So, Ella's birthday is tomorrow. I asked her what sort of fun party she wanted. She informed me that she would like a Dora Princess party. Not Dora. Not Princess. A Dora Princess. So, I had Safeway help me cheat a bit by making a two tiered cake as a starter so that tomorrow morning, I can pretend that I know how to make a castle cake. We'll see how that one works out for me. Especially since, while pulling out of the Safeway parking lot I had to briefly take off my stay-at-home-mom hat and put on my Vigilante hat which, as you will read in a moment, wreaked a little havoc on our castle cake.

As I was walking into Safeway this evening I witnessed two men trying to steal a cart full of groceries, mostly what looked like beer and chips. I wouldn't have known that they were trying to steal if I hadn't witnessed the manager grabbing their cart while they were trying to walk away and telling them that they needed to get back inside. Now, mind you, it's about 12 degrees here with ice and snow on the ground everywhere. The manager had no coat on. The men had no coats on. But, as you might have guessed, they ran anyway. The manager tried to CHASE THEM. One of the thieves was a quite heavy Hispanic man. The other, a 17 year old skinny white guy. Interesting couple. More interesting, watching a very heavy person trying to run, quickly, on ice. Somehow though, they both got away. They should have stayed away. They were not smart.

As the manager was starting to chase after one of the men he yelled back at a young bagger girl to call the police. She was going in right as I was. She went up the counter and told them to call the police. They asked why. She said, " I have no idea". She didn't. But, I did. I yelled from about 20 feet way, " Because two men just tried to steal some groceries and are now on the run". Such high drama in this small town. Then, I continued on to the bakery to pick up the cake I had come for.

I paid. I walked to the van, noticing that the manager was now back standing outside on the curb. Just looking around. I am sure he was waiting for the police to come. I got in, handed the cake to Steve who was in the passenger's seat, and told him the little story. We turned out of the parking lot and headed home. Strange. I think I see one of the guys! Just walking along the sidewalk, TOWARDS Safeway. Yes! That's him! As far as I knew, the police still hadn't shown yet. So, I flip a u-turn. A dramatic, Dukes of hazard, sort of u-turn. Yeah, that's right, in the mini-van.

I speed past him so that I can turn into the parking lot and let the manager know he's coming. The guy was fast. While I was turning the van around to leave again, he snuck around me, got into his car and began spinning out, attempting to leave. The manager had caught up to him now. He tried to run the manager down with his car. A) This manager takes his job very seriously. B) This stupid criminal just upped the ante from a misdemeanor to a felony, vehicular assault. Whoa. It all unfolded right in front of us. I laid on the horn. And flashed my brights over and over trying to get the attention of any other passing vehicles. Out of nowhere, in Chuck Norris style, a big suped up truck with yellow flashers and a CB antenna pulls right in front of the criminal, blocking him in ( since I am right behind him) and jumps out of the car, yelling at the guy to stay in the car. Now Chuck Norris and the manager are yelling at him to stay in the car, trying to force his door closed. Steve throws the cake at me and tells me to stay here, these guys might need some help. Wow. It's exciting isn't it?

Finally, after we have him apprehended on our own, the police show up to finish the work, arrest him for trying to kill someone with his silver subaru, and take our statements. I even brought a lovely piece of paper home to fill out, noting as many details as I can recall of the events that transpired.

Oh, the cake. So, In that whole "tossing" commotion, the cake got a little...damaged. Nothing that a little Red #4 and some Dora figurines can't hide, I suppose. But, it'll be tricky. I am hoping my mom will get here early enough tomorrow to help me do some damage control. It was all in the name of justice though. One more dangerous grocery stealing criminal off the streets. Now I can sleep at night.

Ahh....it's all in a day's work.

Lesson learned? If you are going to commit a crime like that in the dead of winter, dress warmly and don't leave your car at the scene. If you do choose to leave your car at the scene, don't be a wimp. Wait it out. Don't come back for your car for at LEAST an hour. Silly, silly man.

Alrighty then.

Me: (As we are bundling the kids up for a very fun but very cold parade this evening) Ella, honey, you need to make sure you tell Mommy when you need to go potty.

Ella: I will, Mommy. I just don't think I have any potty in there. But keep your eye on me in case I go poop.

Ah, the joys of mothering a verbally colorful princess.

Another peanut.

We had our first ultrasound today. We got to see proof of life. Proof that there is in fact a beautiful and wonderful, perfectly made human being growing, wiggling, and living inside my body. Perfectly and wondrously made. God is amazing. The baby's tiny heart beat in perfect rhythm, strong and sure. While some technologies have enabled some pretty ghastly things to take place in our society, this is one time I am confident in saying that technology can be a beautiful thing. Steve and I watched, and watched, and watched.

You would think that this being our fourth child it would get old, blase´. No. Not in the least. It was just as amazing and beautiful this time. Maybe even more so. We didn't have to "try" with this baby like we did with our other three children. This baby was the best surprise gift we have ever received. Maybe that's what makes it feel even more like a gift from God. Do we ask for gifts? Do we "try" for gifts? Oh, goodness, how all of our children are gifts! But, I must say, it feels even MORE like a gift when it's just given to you. Just given. Thank you, God. We accept. Thankfully, willingly, lovingly, obediently, excitedly. Thank You for trusting us. We'll try to make You proud.

Immediately after our appointment with the midwife was over, Steve had to leave to catch a plane for San Jose. He'll be gone for another three+ days and the kids and I will be holding down the fort. I kissed him goodbye and watched him walk out the door of the clinic room in which I had my exam. For some reason I could not stop thinking about the pro-choice jargon, "It's my body!" I could not stop thinking about just how wrong they are. Don't they know? This tiny little person is anything but "my body". He or she has her own legs, his or her own arms, own heartbeat. That is no more my heart or my belly-button than Paxton's or Ella's or Shepherd's. There are two of us here. Two. That's not a choice. That is a person. Individual, amazing, and with it's own DNA.

I kept thinking about my husband. About how he never ceases to amaze me. About how lucky I am that he was as excited about adding another member into our beautiful family as I was. I kept thinking about all those fathers who have to hear, "It's my body. My choice." All of those fathers who are robbed of the ability to question, to have an "opinion" about a gift given them and then rejected by someone else. About a third person in the equation, their own child, who will never get to "matter". I am lucky. Oh, how lucky I am. My husband is a father. In every sense of the word. Beautiful leader, generous, patient, kind, thoughtful, and God loving. He trusts. I learn from him. I learn to relax. I learn to trust. I learn that I might not be and he might not be everything WE want to be, but we will always be who God wants us to be, as long as we trust and follow.

And in the end, who I want to be, who Steve wants to be, is the same as who God wants us to be. For right now, that's parents of four beautiful gifts.

Onward and upward.

Today has been a great, somewhat lazy day.

We just got back a little bit ago from a long hike with the kids. It is always so much fun to do that. I wish I were motivated to do it more often. I think it's that whole getting the kids bundled up part that intimidates me. After that, it's quite fun though. So, I need to just suck it up. If not for anyone else than for Steve, who is like a kid in a candy store when I'll agree to go on a nature hike.

This morning, Paxton, Ella and I got the tree up. We haven't decorated it yet since we have some fun activities planned for that throughout advent. We got the creche set up, sans the Holy Family. I am really going to have to remember where I hid them. I told the kids that Mary and Joseph will be there by Christmas Eve and that Baby Jesus will be there Christmas morning. Then we'll sing "Happy Birthday" and eat birthday coffee cake. That would be a real bummer if I lose the Holy Family. I better write myself a note.

We also did something fun and new this year. Yesterday, we bought a gingerbread house kit. The kids, Steve and I decorated it before naps. It was SO much fun. Initially I was fixated on it looking perfect. Then I realized that I had a 4 and 2 year old decorating with me. I snapped out of it and I just let them have fun. Ella kept choosing the tiniest pieces of candy to shove into the frosting so that all the frosting would ooze around it and onto her finger. So cute. Paxton loved the orange pieces. I think if he had his way, we would have had an orange gingerbread house with a splash of orange for accent.

I have been making turkey and brown rice soup in the crock pot all day and it is really starting to smell like winter around here. I absolutely love this season. I love the excitement, the chill in the air, the lights, the songs, the excuses to do fun and silly things as a family, sending out beautiful Christmas cards, going to Mass and seeing all the gorgeous colors in the sanctuary. I love it even more now that I have children. I get the first crack at forming what they understand this season to be. It isn't about presents. It isn't about what you get. It's about what we get to celebrate, what we get to give.

Steve and I decided last year to limit the kids' outside gifts to just three each. ( One from my dad, one from my mom, and one from Steve's parents). Obviously resembling the gifts of the wise men, we just thought each gift would have more meaning. I know that it's hard for our families. They have been respectful for the most part and I know that it will get easier with each passing year, especially since we'll likely have a few more children and those three gifts will add up quite quickly. With a big special gift from Santa, stockings filled by Santa, and one special gift from Mommy and Daddy, I really think they'll be okay. For further explanation see this post.

Shepherd and Ella both have birthdays coming up very soon. For Ella's first birthday, Mom, Steve's mom and I made an adorable snowman cake. This year, for Shepherd's first birthday, and I am feeling inspired by The March of The Penguins. :) Ella has requested a pricess birthdy party with a Dora cake. I am trying to figure out if I'm good enough to do one myself. Stay tuned...