Was that a wall I just hit?

I realized last night on the way to RCIA ( Adult religious Ed.) that I have hit a wall. I think that I have reached the "postpardom funk". I just feel sort of "blah" most of the time. Is that really an adjective? What does that mean? adj. (1) "Dull and uninteresting. (2). Low in spirit or health; down. Yep, that's me.

Obviously I have very upbeat moments throughout the day and I really get enjoyment out of talking to my friends and moments of laughter with my precious family. But if I had to rate my level of "feelings of spirit" I would have to give them a 6 out of 10. I think maybe a day away to walk by a lake and get a cup of coffee on my own might do this body good. (Interupting my day of self-centeredness only to breastfeed of course.)

I keep tellling Steve that I just feel torn. When I am on the floor playing with Ella I think about the laundry that I'm not doing. When I'm in the laundry room folding the clothes I am thinking about the coloring that I'm not doing with Paxton. When I'm taking a shower I'm thinking about the time that I should be spending with my husband. When I wake in the morning, I already feel behind. Where is there room for extra? Do I have enough in my life? Have I temorarily abandoned my volunteer activities because of selfishness or because of my feelings of obligation to my family? Or both? I should be beginning my day and ending it in prayer, talking to God in the quiet of my heart. He deserved that from me. Why am I having a hard time finding 5 minutes to honor him, as I know I should? Why am I taking for granted the my husband loves me no matter what I wear, if I have washed my hair, or if I have any makeup on at all? Doesn't he deserve to look at a wife every day that takes care of herself and how she looks? Is that shallow, or loving of me to even think about that? Or both?

Ahh....it's only 9:36. Paxton is at Preschool. Ella eats raisins and colors on the table. Shepherd has finaly "broken the dam" and had a blowout this morning. Steve is working hard. I am doing laundry and sitting here, waiting for my life to be full of glitter again. My dad used to say, "Hey, the sun will come up again tomorrow". I am sure that was his way of saying that every day is a new one and that we need to look ahead, and not dwell in the muddy sink hole that we're in right now. Thanks dad. It realy did make me feel better. Is it so bad that now, at this time in my life, I'd rather it didn't come up until around 3:30 or so?