Proof that our gifts are not our own

Proof that our gifts are not our own.

Contingencies and Faith; Birthdays and Change.

We have been quite busy these last few weeks, and especiallly these last few days. We sold our house. Again. To different people. While it should be really exciting for us to have some closure, to not be 'in limbo' with a "contingency", I am having such a hard time feeling as enthused as I should. The original buyers, the ones who made us a great, albeit contingent offer, had to have their hearts broken. By whom? Yeah, that'd be us.

Shocking as it may be, I do not like breaking peoples' hearts. Steve and I, after talking a lot and praying even more, almost had to resort to using the 'Rock, Paper, Scissor' method to decide who was going to have to make the call. The call in which one of us gets to say, "Hi, um, so....this is a hard call to make...blah, blah, blah.....we'll give you five days......waive your contingency.....sell your house....buy ours now....blah blah blah...talk it over....let us know." Their response? "Well....we're leaving for a week vacation in two days." Thud. That's the sound your heart makes when it sinks down into the very bottom of your stomach.

All in all, I know that God is working here. I really do. The new buyers are acquaintances of ours, they belong to our parish and they are wanting to enroll BOTH of their kids into our school this next school year. They could afford our house (right now) and they were even willing to let us live here until our new house was done being built (which we probably won't do because of that adorable rental I talked about a few months back that we secured and have been renting since we put our house on the market. We might as well move into it now since that's where we'll be when the baby's born anyway.) I think we just needed some closure and, while a contigent offer is better than no offer, it's not exactly better than a 'no strings attached' offer. Pragmatically, I know it makes sense and it's the prudent thing to do. Emotionally? It's horrible.

Paxton's birthday is on Monday. I had no idea. I mean, I knew and have been making plans for him and some family and friends to go to Chuck E Cheese tomorrow after Mass, but I had no idea how quickly it would sneak up on me. It really has snuck up on me. My son is going to be FIVE YEARS OLD already. How is that possible? He's just going to keep getting older. I had no idea the mixed emotion I would have over such an exciting thing as a child having a birthday. Our family is growing, my first borne is growing up, spelling words, writing letters to people, and making his own 1/2 cup peanut butter and 5 cracker snacks.

Tomorrow I will be 28 weeks pregnant. That's seven months. That's unbelievable. My first pregnancy seemed to drag on and on. This one? This one feels like it has flown by at warped speed. Steve and I looked at each other the other night and said, "Whoa. What are we doing? We're gonna have a other baby in like 3 months! We're not ready!" Not ready? Well, okay, so that's not really accurate. We will always be ready for another life in a certain sense. But this whole not knowing where you are going to live when you bring that new life home is a whole other deal. That's another reason this change in the buyers of our home is a blessing. I don't care if we we live in a tent. I just want it to be OUR tent. You know? God loves us so much. I really know that. He knows our hearts.

Tomorrow, Palm Sunday, will be a big day indeed. This marks the beginning of Holy Week. The beginning of the time when we step up our sacrifice a bit, where we re-focus. Why are we here? What is our job on this earth? What is God asking of us? In what way is He calling us to be better people--more charitable, more forgiving, more selfless, more devoted people? And, are we hearing what we want to hear or are we hearing what He's telling us?

I know this Lent I have waivered, had moments of weakness. I could have been more disciplined. I could have been more charitable. I could have done more for others. I also know God knows. He knows our hearts. He knows what we are trying to do and he knows that we are weaker than He. He loves us anyway and He wants only that we are constantly seeking true happiness. A blogger that I read daily just posted that a spritual mentor of hers said it's okay if we "back into" heaven. I like that.

I also like what St. Augustine said--"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."

Observation of the day.

On our walk just a minute ago....

Ella: Mom! It's so beautiful out! The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the mailboxes are all standing up....

I love that girl.

Why?

Why do Easter maternity fashions either make you look like you are a 12 year old school girl who should be sporting braids and a lollipop or some 85 year-old Floridian's living room drapes?

The best snack in the world.

While Ella and Shepherd were resting, Paxton asked me if he could make himself a snack "very quietly". I thought this might be a wonderful opportunity for him to exert some independence and for me to see just what that might look like.

It looked something like this:

Paxton working very quietly in the kitchen. Then, Paxton sitting very quietly at the dining room table, leaning over a plate filled with about a half of a cup of Adams creamy peanut butter next to about five small crackers used for "dipping".

My Grandpa Harry would have been proud.

It's beginning to look a lot like springtime!

God is good!

Today is such a beautiful day and the kids and I have already been on one long walk, about to go on another. Paxton picks up sticks, Ella talks about where the birds live and why our dog finds it fun to chase them and Shepherd just kicks back and relaxes next to his sister.

I am taking a good friend's advice and trying to get in little walks here and there. I must say, it feels quite different than working out at Curves at 5:30am. Something about breathing fresh air and not worrying about keeping my heart rate up is doing this body good. Curves and I must still meet three times a week, but this walking stuff feels so good! In my past pregnancies I tried to do it an hour a day but this poor baby has just been being neglected!

Come home soon, Daddy. It's not THAT fun without you. Really. Two more days....two more days....

Candy.

Paxton: Mom, can Ella and I have some candy?

Me: (remembering the St. Patrick's Day candy that Noni sent and remembering that I told the kids they should save it until Sunday since it was Lent--also remembering that I forgot to give it to them on Sunday) Um.....let me think about it, okay?

Paxton: Okay but, Mom? When you think about it, can you just think 'Hmm, maybe I should give my kids some candy' ?

Good one, Pax. Good one.

Ah ha!

Apparently, Lenten fasting (three meals vs. my usual five to six small meals throughout the day), less water intake, and focusing on getting in as much lean protein (equalling a whole lot less fiber than is in my normal diet) has spelled disaster for this pregnant person. I seem to be full of a lot more than just baby. I know, I know.

Thank you, Melissa. You know bloated symptoms when you hear them! ;)

Now, I think I'll lighten up on the fasting throughout the weekdays (still limiting all the excesses), and increase my water intake. Dang. I really thought I was an excellent water drinker. I have a feeling it's subconscious since I have been limiting mealtimes. It's probably pretty natural for people to get dehydrated during Lent. That's my story. I'm sticking to it.

Thanks for the prayers, friends. My appointment went well. Great blood pressure, one pound weight gain, no swelling, good strong heartbeat, measuring right on target at 25. I do have another ultrasound scheduled for three weeks from now to check the baby's kidneys which were a little enlarged in my last ultrasound. Nothing to be alarmed about, just double checking.

You would think that this, being my FOURTH pregnancy in five years, would be routine. It just goes to show that every person is unique and wonderfully made. That means that every pregnancy is unique, too, then. Right?

Steve left for San Jose for a week. I am going to miss him terribly. It seems to be getting harder and harder to have him away for longer than a day. Not because I feel overwhelmed or because I am scared but because our family is just starting to feel more and more incomplete when part of the team is missing. It feels like more work and less reward. We all play such important parts. I have such compassion for military families. How do they do it? Amazing.

On to our day. Just thought I'd come back in and let you all know how it went. Thanks for the well wishes Celeste and Melissa!

Seeking advice from seasoned moms.

I have a midwife appointment tomorrow morning, which I am really grateful for.

Something has been bothering me and I wanted to see if any of you other moms had any advice for me. I am 25 weeks now and have this overwhelming "full" feeling. When I wake up in the morning I feel as though I have just eaten a HUGE meal. Uncomfortable full. It lasts all day long.

I don't have much swelling, vision problems, or many headaches, and my blood pressure is and always has been low/normal. So far, I have gained 5 pounds total. So, I am inclined to think that it's not toxemia or preeclampsia.

Hydramnios?

Any input would be SO appreciated. ;) And, since I know that one of you happens to be a nurse, I know I'll be getting some GREAT feedback.

Happy fourth Sunday of Lent.

St. Patrick.

After some green waffles and shamrocks made from frosting....

Let us pray St. Patrick's prayer:

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the love of seraphim,
In the obedience of angels,
In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
In prayers of Patriarchs,
In predictions of Prophets,
In preaching of Apostles,
In faith of Confessors,
In purity of holy Virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I bind to myself today
The power of Heaven,
The light of the sun,
The brightness of the moon,
The splendour of fire,
The flashing of lightning,
The swiftness of wind,
The depth of sea,
The stability of earth,
The compactness of rocks.

I bind to myself today
God's Power to guide me,
God's Might to uphold me,
God's Wisdom to teach me,
God's Eye to watch over me,
God's Ear to hear me,
God's Word to give me speech,
God's Hand to guide me,
God's Way to lie before me,
God's Shield to shelter me,
God's Host to secure me,
Against the snares of demons,
Against the seductions of vices,
Against the lusts of nature,
Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
Whether far or near,
Whether few or with many.

I invoke today all these virtues
Against every hostile merciless power
Which may assail my body and my soul,
Against the incantations of false prophets,
Against the black laws of heathenism,
Against the false laws of heresy,
Against the deceits of idolatry,
Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.

Christ, protect me today
Against every poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against death-wound,
That I may receive abundant reward.

Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ within me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
Christ in the fort,
Christ in the chariot seat,
Christ in the poop [deck],
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Stations of the cross and a simply soup supper up at the school tonight. After letting two teachers go today, it's just what the doctor ordered. We could use a little community building and the principal and priest could use a warm hug.

Do you hear what I hear?

Is that sound wearing on anyone else's nerves? You know, the sound of four people coughing at the same time, all day long, in one house? No? Just the nerves of one tired mom talking? Okay then, that's what I thought. Sorry for the whining.

We are all getting better. I promise. Steve's fever of 103 for three days has finally seemed to subside this evening. Praise the Lord. Ella is the last hold out. Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day for her. Fingers crossed.

Oh, one more thing. We sold our house! Yay! Ah, God always has a way of putting a nice shiny silver lining around clouds. We just have to make sure to look up often and say thanks regularly.

It's all my fault.

We did it. We got through the Mediterranean dinner we donated to the auction--like a well-oiled machine. But, not without the help of some amazing friends who were willing to take six hours and come help us serve, some amazing Grandparents who watched/ nursed our children for over two days, and some serious prayers.

I was in bed all day on Thursday with a fever and the flu. Friday, Steve helped me prepare as much as he could and even did grocery shopping for me. I felt so weak and was so worried about getting through the dinner. The kids spent the day with Grandma and Grandpa and two ended up spending the night.

...then down came the rain.

We called Friday afternoon to check in and Paxton was throwing up. Ella had a fever all day yesterday (as did Steve) and then she was up throwing up last night. Shepherd seems to be the lone hold-out. Steve graciously waited to suffer the throbbing headache and severe fever until about 3/4 the way through the dinner last night. Poor guy. Today is just no good. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's darn right pitiful around here. The good news? I got all the dished done in about two hours! It's amazing what you can do when every family member is sufficiently plopped on a couch or chair slumped over waiting to die.

...now it's just a matter of time.

I am giving Grandma and Grandpa two days until I deliver some homemade chicken noodle soup and apologize yet again for exposing them to this wretchedness that has consumed us all.

I am finally feeling much better--just in time to take care of the entire rest of my family. It feels so good to feel needed AND up for the task!

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa. You saved our bacon. Er...our moroccan chicken.

How do you know....

when a 14 month old 'helped' you load the dishwasher?

When you find golfballs in the silverware compartment.

No complaints.

Grandma and Grandpa came this morning to pick up Paxton and Ella for a play day. It has just been me and Shepherd all day. I got all my groceries for the Mediterranean dinner we're giving this weekend, I cleaned the house, I went to the dollar store, I read a bit, I had a nice LONG uninterrupted phone conversation, and I have gotten some awesome one on one time with Shepherd who, I just learned today, is HILARIOUS. I have always known how sweet and playful he can be, but never before realized just what a jokester he is!

I must admit, it's now 3:30 and I'm bored. I talked with another girlfriend who is also pregnant with her fourth. She asked me how my day has been and then said, "Yeah, don't you just want to call and apologize to all the people you ever complained to about just being so busy with ONE?!" We laughed and I agreed. But, truth be told, I did feel legitamately busy with one. And then with two. And then with three. So, I have no doubt that when the fourth is born, I'll be saying..."Whoa. I'm busy."

And when the fourth is born, and Grandma and Grandpa come to pick up the other three for a play day, I'll be looking around feeling a bit bored, relishing the precious one on one time that I have been able to have with the baby and thinking, "Man, when is the rest of my family going to be together again? I miss them."

Ella? Pax? Come home. Shepherd, Daddy and I aren't complete without you.

Man does not live by creamer alone.

I have learned much about myself this last week and a half. I have needed this last week and a half to process and digest. I am finally ready to get back into the blogging saddle.

First, Fr. Corapi is amazing. I am so glad I went to listen to him last Saturday because, without trying to sound dramatic, he changed my life. I think he will have changed my family's lives too. We'll see.

I loved his approach. While I did buy his DVD with five seperate one hour talks about raising a Catholic family, this little conference was three talks in which all he did was address written questions from the audience. I won't take too much of your time and go through all 37 questions he was able to answer, rather, I'll just focus on the ones that made the biggest impression on me.

#1) How do I respond to my brother, who is a Protestant, who keeps asking me if I've been 'saved'?

Fr. Corapi: Uh, let me see. No. No you haven't been saved. You have been redeemed. You have been freed. You haven't been 'saved'. I haven't been saved either. You know when we'll know we've been saved? When we actually get to walk through those gates of Heaven. Until then, you better get busy. Work hard. Pray. Serve others. Forgive. Do your work, cuz brother? You haven't been 'saved'. ( I guess that was his hard hitting way of saying...."Um, yeah, it ain't enough to just believe. SHOW me. Faith through works, man.")

#2) Fr. Corapi, is there anything that you have done that you regret?

Fr. Croapi: Yes. Sin. All of it.

#3) Do you ever see all Christian churches being united again?

Fr. Corapi: Yes, I do. Jesus is the one Head of His one Church. Valid baptism brings you unto that One Body. There is a fullness of faith that many are lacking. They have only have two sacrements. We have seven. God writes a Natural Law on everyone's hearts: Do good, avoid evil. We can all be united again in that. We are all His children.

#4) Why do some people say that when our loved ones die they become guardian angels in Heaven to watch over us?

Fr. Corapi: When you die, you do not then become a snake or a rabbit or a fish. You do not become an Angel. Angels are seperate entities. They are not human. They always have been and always will be Angels and we will always be human beings. From the very moment of conception, God assigned you your very own Guradian Angel. That Guardian Angel (I love this part) is with you until you pass from this life on earth, always watching over you, guiding you, whispering in your hear. My Guardian Angel is very big. ( If you read about Fr. Corapi's life at all, you'll know why he says that. :))

#5) What do I say to my daughter who believes in reincarnation, my brother who says there is no God, and my Mormon father who asks 'what role does Jesus play in all of this'?

Fr. Corapi: You pray for them. You never stop praying for them. You lead by example. You show them what fullness of faith looks like. Original sin closed the gates of Heaven. Jesus came and threw them open for us. That's what role he has. He threw open the gates of Heaven and asked us to follow Him to them. Like Padre Pio said, Pray. And don't worry.


There were many more questions obviously, but those were some of the highlights and his responses were so great. The main message I walked away with was this; Don't become complacent. Dead bodies float downstream. We are not supposed to 'go with the flow'. Dead bodies go with the flow. We have been given life. We are alive. We have a duty to breathe life into our families. If we aren't? We are failing. We are not doing our jobs. And we are going to have to answer to God for that. You and I. Our jobs are to swim upstream and make a frontal assault on the gates of Hell by raising morally conscience, selfless, prayerful children, by working harder on our marriages than we want to or feel inspired to at times, by sanctifying each other. The family is the building block of society and it is being directly targeted. If you can look back, after the demise of a culture, it all started with the systematic demise of the family. We need to pray. Not worry. Not fear. Pray. Together. Every day. In the quiet of our hearts, in the midst of noise and laundry, in the face of the unknown and in pain.

So far, in this mere week and half of Lent that has passed, I have learned a lot. I am weak. I become weaker when I strip away all the excess, all the fluff, the things I think I 'need'. I become cranky, tired, weary. I lack faith, I become even shorter tempered and I give into hopelessness at times. I stop working on my marriage, I stop feeling compelled to breathe life and spark into my family. I am forced to look up.

This, I believe, is what I am supposed to be learning. To experience all these grossly unattractive human qualities and to look up. To throw my hands up and say, "Lord! Let this cup pass from me! Oh, wait, it didn't even pass from Your Own Son. I should probably suck it up and try to learn something here. Okay, I get it now. Thank you. I'm so sorry. Help me to do and be better."

I do not, indeed, live by creamer in my coffee. I do not live by all the sugar I consume, the overindulgence in which I partake. I do not live by a bad attidude just because I am tired. I do not live by inactivity or over-activity. I do not live by feelings alone.

I live by Word. I live by Divine Mercy. I live by thinking of myself last. I know I will slip. I know I will fail. I will not worry. I will work and I will pray--for me, for my family, for Him.

God love you all.