We have been quite busy these last few weeks, and especiallly these last few days. We sold our house. Again. To different people. While it should be really exciting for us to have some closure, to not be 'in limbo' with a "contingency", I am having such a hard time feeling as enthused as I should. The original buyers, the ones who made us a great, albeit contingent offer, had to have their hearts broken. By whom? Yeah, that'd be us.
Shocking as it may be, I do not like breaking peoples' hearts. Steve and I, after talking a lot and praying even more, almost had to resort to using the 'Rock, Paper, Scissor' method to decide who was going to have to make the call. The call in which one of us gets to say, "Hi, um, so....this is a hard call to make...blah, blah, blah.....we'll give you five days......waive your contingency.....sell your house....buy ours now....blah blah blah...talk it over....let us know." Their response? "Well....we're leaving for a week vacation in two days." Thud. That's the sound your heart makes when it sinks down into the very bottom of your stomach.
All in all, I know that God is working here. I really do. The new buyers are acquaintances of ours, they belong to our parish and they are wanting to enroll BOTH of their kids into our school this next school year. They could afford our house (right now) and they were even willing to let us live here until our new house was done being built (which we probably won't do because of that adorable rental I talked about a few months back that we secured and have been renting since we put our house on the market. We might as well move into it now since that's where we'll be when the baby's born anyway.) I think we just needed some closure and, while a contigent offer is better than no offer, it's not exactly better than a 'no strings attached' offer. Pragmatically, I know it makes sense and it's the prudent thing to do. Emotionally? It's horrible.
Paxton's birthday is on Monday. I had no idea. I mean, I knew and have been making plans for him and some family and friends to go to Chuck E Cheese tomorrow after Mass, but I had no idea how quickly it would sneak up on me. It really has snuck up on me. My son is going to be FIVE YEARS OLD already. How is that possible? He's just going to keep getting older. I had no idea the mixed emotion I would have over such an exciting thing as a child having a birthday. Our family is growing, my first borne is growing up, spelling words, writing letters to people, and making his own 1/2 cup peanut butter and 5 cracker snacks.
Tomorrow I will be 28 weeks pregnant. That's seven months. That's unbelievable. My first pregnancy seemed to drag on and on. This one? This one feels like it has flown by at warped speed. Steve and I looked at each other the other night and said, "Whoa. What are we doing? We're gonna have a other baby in like 3 months! We're not ready!" Not ready? Well, okay, so that's not really accurate. We will always be ready for another life in a certain sense. But this whole not knowing where you are going to live when you bring that new life home is a whole other deal. That's another reason this change in the buyers of our home is a blessing. I don't care if we we live in a tent. I just want it to be OUR tent. You know? God loves us so much. I really know that. He knows our hearts.
Tomorrow, Palm Sunday, will be a big day indeed. This marks the beginning of Holy Week. The beginning of the time when we step up our sacrifice a bit, where we re-focus. Why are we here? What is our job on this earth? What is God asking of us? In what way is He calling us to be better people--more charitable, more forgiving, more selfless, more devoted people? And, are we hearing what we want to hear or are we hearing what He's telling us?
I know this Lent I have waivered, had moments of weakness. I could have been more disciplined. I could have been more charitable. I could have done more for others. I also know God knows. He knows our hearts. He knows what we are trying to do and he knows that we are weaker than He. He loves us anyway and He wants only that we are constantly seeking true happiness. A blogger that I read daily just posted that a spritual mentor of hers said it's okay if we "back into" heaven. I like that.
I also like what St. Augustine said--"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment