I could get used to this.

Okay, I'll admit it. I now LIKE posting photos. It was a big step for me. But, dang it, it's just such an easy way for me to chronicle the changes in our lives. And, it's fun too! I am now over the fear of exploiting my children. They're cute. 

We decided to make a family trip out to the house again tonight to see some of the changes. Steve, working out there all day from his camper, gets to see the change as it happens so, to him, it seems much less dramatic I am sure. To me? Whoa. I swear something major changes every day.

I really try not to get attached to "things" and I am trying to keep myself in check about whether my excitement is about the building process (which I love), the designing process (which I love), the decorating process (which I love), finally having the ability to host many, many people for holiday dinners and Sunday afternoon brunches (which I WOULD love) or whether it's about the house. I don't want it to  be about the house. I want my excitement to remain being about creating something wonderful and beautiful and exciting for my family....and one day? For someone else's family. So I will keep sharing the process with you all. I will just share it because it's....well, it's cool. Really cool. And really fun. 

The end.

Adorable Adoration?

This adorable photo, rather, will be the one used as the background for the invitation. Forgive me. I'm a liar. Apparently, our director wanted a cute shot of Roan that made him look....um....alive.

Sleeping Handsome.

This photo of Roan might be used for the background on the invitations for our Crossroads fundraiser dinner coming up. What do you think? 

Explanation Necessary.

I don't have a whole lot of time or energy this evening but I feel as though I just threw pictures at you without saying a word. "There!" was what was likely conveyed, right?

Not my intent. I promise. It has been such a strange and hectic past week and weekend. My mom was in the hospital with a very dangerous blood infection (she is doing SO much better now), I came down with strep throat on Thursday afternoon and finally started some antibiotics ( Thank God for those!) on Saturday and am now feeling like a rock star! Well...probably better than a rock star and a whole lot less hung-over.

The pictures were just some random photos that I have taken over the last few weeks. If it seems like there are a lot of boys in this family, well, yes, there are. And if it seems like all Roan does is sleep, well, yes, that's true too. But if it seems like that house is HUGE, well, no, not exactly. Yes, it is a good size (4300 sq ft.) but it is awfully deceiving with the two side garages. Yes, both sides are garages; one has only one door and will be more of a "shop" for Steve and the other will have two doors and will be where we park our cars. Okay, I just felt like I needed to clarify so that we didn't seem so ostentatious. I have felt so darn defensive and secretive about it. I hate that. I am going to stop that now. Right now. Really. I am. Here I go.

A very good friend of mine had her sweet baby boy today. Steve and I will be his Godparents and these good friends will be Roan's. We are having a joint baptism and have just been waiting for this little boy to finally make his debut! We are so glad he's here; Isaiah Bendedict. Just beautiful. This is a friend who, like me, and Jill , and Celeste, now has three boys and one girl. I had no idea having so many boys would make me so happy. Okay, I guess I don't really have SO many. I suppose I could have four. Or five. Or nine. I should just stop talking now.

Anyway, this good friend of mine who had this baby today? Yeah, I watched her three kids, her two boys and one girl, and my three boys and one girl. You did that math right? It was a fun, busy day with much organized chaos. I have not been this tired since I gave birth six weeks ago. I can't think of any way I would have rather spent my day though. When their dad called, we were at the park. The screams that came out of these beautiful children reacting to the news that their newest sibling had entered the world were tear jerking. And that? That was priceless.

 

Family happenings.

Oh, that I might have one hundredth the grace...

...of this beautiful woman. This article is long and well worth the read. Willing to endure the darkness and, in the end, being able to see His Light. 

Needs vs. Wants

I enjoyed a full day of Mommy/Roan time yesterday. Grandma took the three oldest for a play day and I headed off to another town an hour away to get all those pre-school clothing supplies  i.e. more uniform polos an khakis, socks for each child, new shoes and new underwear for each child. Fun times. Actually, I really enjoy those things; taking pride in the desire I have to take care of my children's needs, even those that are completely mundane in every way, just as much as Danielle.

While Roan and I were happily strolling in Target yesterday, beginning to miss the other three people who usually accompany us, I overheard this conversation in the toy section.

Nameless mommy: Rachel, Mommy said no. I am not going to buy that.

Rachel: But....I just want to have it!

Nameless mommy: Rachel? Rachel, remember what we talked about last night? About needs vs. wants and about money? Remember? Now, Rachel, what sorts of things do we need?

Rachel: Um.....money?

In Rachel's defense, I think she was a little confused. Sort of like this morning, when Paxton asked me to please read him the book about security. The really "good one". Security? We have a book about security? When did we get a book about security? Oh my gosh, if there's a book in this house that I have never seen before I darn well better find it to make sure it's okay! I was getting frustrated because I just didn't understand.  After much banter, I was finally able to interpret that he was talking about our new book. You know, the one about electricity. 

I didn't understand Paxton and he was being as clear as he possibly could. Children really are so simple, beautiful, innocent and inspiring aren't they? I wouldn't trade this life of piles of dirty laundry, poopy diapers and baths, skinned knees and spilled milk, and exhausted days' ends where I just fall into bed. I keep learning more and more. There is little glory involved in full-time motherhood. But a whole lot of redemption. Every day.

And I need that.

Potty Mouth.

My children have it sometimes. 

As we're loading Shepherd, Ella and Paxton up in the car for a day with Grandma and Grandpa:

Grandma: Okay, are we ready?

Paxton: Yeah. I have a little diarrhea. It doesn't work very well for me.

Me: Oh?

Paxton: Yeah, but that's why I turned the fan on.

Thank you, Pax. Thank you.

 

A few of my favorite things...

The windows are open. There is a cool breeze. It's overcast and probably going to rain. The children sleep. I sip coffee and say some prayers. As soon as everyone wakes up we are going on a long walk to pick up some flowers.

Today is my big brother's birthday. He would have been 30 today. Happy Birthday, Jarrod Harrison. The kids and I will be stopping by with some flowers in a few hours.

Long walks, cool breezes, birthdays, Fall and family....these are a few of my favorite things.

The Evangelizer.

That'd be my daughter.

Today I decided that it was high time for a long walk. A neighbor girl, about whom I know little more than her age and what house she lives in, was playing with Ella in our front yard. She is six years old and lives on the street behind us. She rides on her bike with her older sister and stops regularly if she sees us outside. I get the feeling that she is just craving attention and a playmate. Most of the time I'm not even sure if their mother knows where they are. Her name is Miranda.

Miranda has asked to come into our house many times but I always say, "Not until your mommy meets me". It just makes me uncomfortable to have someone else's child in my home if they don't know about it and to be quite honest, I get a little irritated as well. The poor thing just wants to play but I know that if one of my children is playing with a child I don't know, I am watching like a hawk. That makes more work for me. That makes nursing an infant and wrangling a tantruming toddler difficult and more stressful. I just don't want to do the work.

So....back to the walk. I decided that the baby was fed and changed, Shepherd was in good enough spirits and Ella and Mommy needed some girl talk. I decided we should walk. But there was this problem. Miranda was begging to go along as well instead of going home. I told her that we would walk her home and she could run into her house and ask her mom (secretly hoping her mom would peer out the window and feel comfortable to come out and meet me). She agreed and we walked to Miranda's house. She threw her bike in the front yard and ran inside. She came out within seconds. Her mom had said it was okay. Her mom was in her bedroom watching t.v. I never met her and here I was, about to take her daughter on an hour long walk. I was irritated. 

We began walking and the girls were talking, rather sweetly about bikes and who runs fastest; boys or girls. They talked about preschool and kindergarden, about who can read and who can't and about princesses. My irritation began to fade and I started to enjoy this new, sweet friendship I saw forming. But something was eating at me.... what kind of family does this girl come from? Why is her mother so absent? I always see her riding her bike without shoes. I thought I should start getting nosey. I began asking Miranda questions, benign at first but getting increasingly more personal as I went on. 

I learned these things: Miranda has two sisters, one 10 and the other 14. The 14 year old babysits a lot because their mom goes to work at 2 am in a town an hour away and she sleeps when she gets home. Her dad works in a town a half hour away and gets home at 2 am. If you hit someone hard enough to "make a mark" you could go to jail. She has her own room. Her big sister is mean. And the bigger sister is meaner. Sometime she get a time-out and other times she gets a spanking first and then a time-out.

As we were nearing the end of our walk, Miranda asked Ella if she liked the two girls that live next door to us, who Ella only talks to through the fence. Ella said, "Yeah!" Miranda replied, " Well, I don't. They don't like me, so I don't like them." My beautiful daughter turned and gently said, "But Jesus told us we should love everybody. That was what Jesus said." Miranda said, "Oh, I love Jesus!"

Here I was, being irritated with a six year old. A six year old who wanted to go on a walk with a family. A family that she could feel love from. People with whom she would be accepted. She could just be comfortable to be herself and relax. She could just be six.

I don't know what Miranda's home life is like but I do know this; I better start listening to Jesus. He placed His message for me right on my daughter's lips.

Sustenance.

I love this recipe so much I have made it twice in two days (I made a batch for a friend who just had a baby so we didn't eat them all ourselves). Imagine, delicious AND high in fiber, low in sugar, high in moisture and low in fat. Now I will concede, usually if something is good for me I will convince myself it's delicious as well even if, according to Steve, it tastes like cardboard. I swear, though, these babies are different. They really ARE delicious. Really. Try them. Hey, the kids love them too. 

I cook a lot but I don't think I have ever posted a recipe here before. I should start doing that more often. Food is just so much fun; experimenting with flavors, herbs, and spices. Wouldn't you agree?

In the first couple months after I have a baby I find myself doing a lot more baking. I don't enjoy baking nearly as much as I do cooking so I feel a bit stumped as to why I feel inclined to bake post-pardom. All I can figure is that it must be biological. Or colonial. It's much easier to feed a whole colony with baked goods than it is to feed them with a chanterelle, courgette and goat cheese sautee'.

Enjoy.

Not a pattern I'd like to maintain.

I am not digging this pattern I have set up of only blogging once every 3-7 days. Not at all. I'm going to work on that. Just as soon as my life slows down.

I have been feeling like Melissa. Just so much to say.....and then where does the time go? I never seem to make it over here to say it. I guess I've just been focused on other things and trying to catch up with things that go undone in my free time. This blog is one of them.

While my mom was here after Roan was born she asked me about blogs. She asked me why people have them. She explained that, while she LOVES reading mine (right, Mom?), she just doesn't understand why people would feel the need to write about what they made for dinner, what they grew in their garden, who they went to lunch with, or why they don't like certain child-rearing philosophies. She said that she would feel a bit arrogant or boastful to assume that someone would be that interested.

Well, maybe I am. But, and I told her this too, it's a way for me to connect. A way for others, like me, or maybe not so much like me, to share in my life, my joys, my sorrows, my fears, my faith, my family, my vocation. To share. To give advice and take it. To be supportive and for me to reciprocate. For me to connect.  So, when I feel "obligated" to blog, what's usually deeper is that I miss the connection. Even though it's online, it's a connection. Strange, I know, but valid nonetheless. Online friends and "in person" friends. They are friends. Put there by God so that we may grow and learn; so that we may give something of ourselves. Isn't that what friendship is?

When I read from so many others like me, doing what I'm doing, raising the kind of family I'm trying to raise, striving to have the kind of marriage I'm trying to have, to be the kind of wife and mother I am trying to be, I feel inspired. I feel encouraged. I feel motivated. I feel at ease about where I am and I feel connected.

When I write about my life here, I know that I am opening it up for others to offer me advice and support, to be supported,  to find the same connection I look for, and for my family and friends to catch up on my life and get a glimpse into our everyday world. I open my life up in this way because somedays it's the only way I can. 

"We need others physically, emotionally, and intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves."- C.S. Lewis

Until I can go back to "lunching" with friends once a week and having two hour long phone conversations, I'll stick to this way of obtaining connection. It's right at my fingertips. I still have prayer group meetings, dates with my husband and lunches with friends now and again. I just have a lot less of them. For now, it seems God wants me amongst diapers I can change, tears I can wipe, hands I can hold, and minds I can help mold. God wants me here, so that I can know myself. The self he wants me to be.  

Happiness is....

...waking up to your one month old smiling at you. 

It's gonna be a good day. I promise, we'll post some pictures soon-- well, as soon as the baby starts looking a little more like a baby and a little less like a turtle.

Prayers and lunch!

Women's Prayer Group is this morning. Roan and I will be heading out after I shower AND maybe even curl my hair! Then, we're off to "lunch" with a good friend! I must say, it's getting easier and easier to plan for being out and about. People really are right when they say that adding more children after your third is a "piece of cake". Relatively? It really is. God is so good to us. (Of course, it helps a teeny bit that Roan sleeps 7 hours and last night? He slept 8 hours!)

What more could a girl ask for?

A sure-fire way to get out of your own self-pity....

...is to bake some delicious blueberry scones for one equally exhausted but STILL PREGNANT friend.

Poor thing.