It's Sunday Six time again.

1. Why do we celebrate Memorial Day?

P cuz we like to. Cuz it's fun.
E think ... think because Noni's coming over


2. How do we celebrate Memorial Day?

P I don't know.
E um. nothing, no.

3. What is a memory?

P hmmm....remembering?
E um, nothing.

4. What is your best memory?

P A firetruck! I remember when it lifts the ladder up in the sky!
E no answer. We tried.

5. What do we cook when we BBQ?

P pancakes
E hot dogs!

6. Where is your favorite place to BBQ?
P Right inside! (lots of laughter and exclamations of what a joker he is..)
E um, picnics

long days and hard alcohol

You know it's a long day when you are instant messaging your spouse. Not because you miss them, no. But because you just looked up at the clock and realized that it is ONLY 3:30. You still have almost TWO MORE HOURS to go before you can actually say you are "done" with your day. Further, when do you know your spouse is having an equally long day? When he suggests that, to kill some time, you mix some drinks. Yeah, nothing passes the time like a mid afternoon Amaretto Sour. Why didn't I think of that? Good one Steve!

I have been doing stupid busy work all day, sort of chasing my tail around. I am trying to get ready for all of us being gone for seven days. Um, I have NEVER been an early packer. Try as I may, it just doesn't work for me. I can make lists, but that's about as much as I get done. I am not sure why. Either I am incredible disorganized, or I am SO organized that I don't really have to think about it much. I just do it. I am going with number two.

A friend of some friends of ours just passed away in his sleep the other night. He was 29. Steve looked at me the other night in the van on the way home, and said, quite frankly, "You know, we are getting to the age when people around us are going to start dying". I realize that seems comical, given we're only in our late 20's, but the fact of the matter is that if we can't embrace our own mortality, what will our lives have meant? If we walk around feeling invincible, then what is it that we will have accomplished? Certainly nothing of any depth. Conversely, if we are always convinced we could die tomorrow, we might also miss the opportunity to serve someone else, because we'll be so fixated on just eeking out that last little bit of fun from life that we can. Oh.....death. So common, so hard to embrace, so hard to understand. But ye though the rewards are great!

Only I could begin blogging about hard alcohol and boring days to the rewards of eternal life.

So close I can taste it...

So many things are so close I can taste them. My first vacation alone with my husband in almost a year (well, Shepherd will be with us, but does that really count?). My two-year-old running up to me and exclaiming, unprompted, "Mommy, I love you!" My four year old starting to be, overall, more helpful than hindering. The days when we are waking up at 7:00 instead of 5:30 and getting out of bed rested and energetic instead of dragging ass for about two hours, desperately waiting for that coffee to "kick in". When I am COMFORTABLY back into my size eight clothes, instead of tucking all things into them, praying that a button won't pop off if I should happen to accidentally SIT DOWN. So close I can taste it.

My retreat was amazing. It is so beautiful in Winthrop, right along the Methow River. The people that own it, offer it as a retreat center, but it is actually their own private sprawling 100+acre ranch with horses and calmly grazing sheep on beautiful green meadows. You enter their estate and there is a big sign that reads, "The Lord is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want". Let me tell you, I did not "want" the entire time I was there. I just thanked and honored Him. I am reading "The Power of a Praying Parent" right now, since I just admitted OUT LOUD last weekend that there are some times that I look at my two-year-old and want to throw her against the wall. It might have been one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had. What was even more beautiful than the sheep and the horses and the meadow and the river? 9 women, all mothers, crying with me and telling me they had been there too. Nothing feels as good as knowing you're not alone. The desert is always so much drier when you're walking in it alone.

Steve is going to Seattle again today. This would be the third time in 8 days. Oh Nashville, how I long to see your face.

The topic of the retreat was "The Beatitues" from the Sermon on the Mount. I am trying to "offer it up" a little more and bitch a little less. This life here on earth is SO short compared to what we're headed for. ETERNITY. Like Fr. Richard says, " Hey, none of us are getting outta this alive".

I am so excited for summer to be here. It has been in the 90's and finally started cooling off a bit this last week. 90's? May? Crazy. I still hate dirt, but I am finding that as long as I am using protection on my hands I am actually enjoying working in it and tending my flowers! Too bad the flowers need the dirt. :( I would NEVER condone having it around my home otherwise.

Oh...a laugh for the road. Our housekeeper gave me a mini-lecture about not letting the kids eat anywhere but at the table because fishy cracker crumbs are causing an "ant problem". Yeah. I pay you 60 dollars for 4 hours of work. Shut up. (Inside, trying not to feel like the dirtiest mother that ever lived. How could I let my children eat crackers AND watch a movie at the same time?! I am pond scum.)

off to a retreat

I am headed to Winthrop Washington tomorrow for a two-day spiritual retreat with 30 other women. Shepherd will be coming along of course, but even so I am still looking forward to the solitude and quiet. It seems pretty informal and unstructured. Eat when you want, walk when you want, pray when you want. No T.V's, no cell phones, nothing to make noise (except the 5 month old baby of course. He turns 5 months old tomorrow!) Just our own little slice of silent heaven. Stay tuned.........

I just might come back ready to abandon my family and join the Daughters of Charity. Or, as Paxton says, not probably.

The Faceoff.

Well, it has finally happened. I have finally come head to head in a direct challenge......from my two-year-old.

Ella sat, buckled in her seat tonight at the dining room table for a little less than three hours. Until she finally fell asleep. Yes, it's true. Put down the phone. No need to call CPS. Well, I guess you can if you want to, but it would likely only save me from the insanity of having to reason with a two-year-old anyway. She wasn't screaming or even crying really. Just direcly refusing an order.

You wanna know what I refuse? I refuse to nurture a "picky eater". REFUSE TO. I won't do it. I have seen too many kids who "just won't eat that". Now, I can be reasonable. I won't force my children to eat liver, or raw onion, or endive, or even papaya if they don't want to. But something about carrot sticks seems pretty damn reasonable to me. ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE HAS EATEN THEM BEFORE. So....there she sat. And we'll do it all over again tomorrow night if we have to. I remember hearing my Dad tell a story about his mother doing the same thing with him involving broccoli. And he still loves her! Can you believe it? Did I mention that he eats broccoli now? AND LIKES IT?!

No one tests my will. I will win. You will lose. The end.

Happy Mother's Day.....

I am so excited for tomorrow. I don't know what we are doing for sure except of course for going to Mass in the morning and Steve is taking me out to dinner (our first date alone since Shepherd was born FIVE MONTHS ago) tomorrow night. That will be so awesome. I can't really even describe how much I miss my husband, especially lately for some reason. We spend so much time together, but often it is punctuated with wiping someone's butt or breaking up a fight or organizing, painting, cleaning, and reorganizing something.

This Mother's Day feels so special to me. I have not yet had this level of appreciation for mothers everywhere that I do now. Steve and I were talking about that last night. You really don't realize when you are a child or even young adult without children, just how much mothers do. It is thankless, without glory or accolades, devoid of raises or bonuses, and certainly grueling and exhausting some days. But, it is by far the best job I have ever had. Ever. I cannot imagine missing these years, or just not really caring about them. Here's to all of my mother friends.

I have a friend that gave a child up for adoption eight years ago, when she was quite young and unmarried. She sent an email to all of her friends today, some who know her story of adoption and some who don't, asking everyone to remember all those mothers who gave their children life, with or without raising them themselves. It was so beautiful and made me so grateful to all of those women who chose life for their children. So beautiful. My brother-in-law was adopted and two cousins were adopted. I highly doubt they regret it. :)

Oh, Dini caught a snake this morning. Well, actually Steve spotted it, told the kids to get away, they came to get me, Steve was trying to kill it with a big metal stick and then Dini thought he'd have a little fun "finishing him off". It was disturbing and pride invoking all at the same time. To see our Labrador Retriever, protecting our family, annihilating this slithering creature, keeping our children out of harm's way. Did I mention he shook it violently until he was sure it was dead and then he bit it's head off? It was fascinating. Ahh.....the country life.

"Power of a Praying Parent"

Stormie O'Martian's "Power of a Praying Wife" changed my life. It changed Steve's life. Literally. I just ordered her book "Power of a Praying Parent". There are days, specifically relating to Miss Ella, that I think to myself...."What exactly am I doing here? Where am I trying to lead my family? Do I serve a greater purpose other than maid, cook, and driver? Do I make a difference at all? I do. I know that I do. I just need some help bringing me back to feeling it. O'Martian's books are awesome because she gives you like thirty areas of each person's life to pray for! Call me Abraham, because there are some days when sacrificing my child to glorify God seems not altogether an impossible task. At least if I start praying for them, I KNOW they'll go to heaven! Like a friend said to me recently, I can be pretty persuasive.

Should it offend me that I can see that over 60 people have viewed my profile and only ONE comments on a regular basis? Nobody likes me. I guess I'll go eat some worms.

The Principal of the school wants me to go speak to the Moses Lake parish this Sunday. A friend and I spoke to the Ephrata Masses about two months ago. It seemed to make an impart and we actually got five new students after we spoke. Time to rev em' up again! I am hopeful that someone will feel spoken to. There are too many people with children in public education that just seem to be sacrificing too much. Can you imagine a world filled with schools that begin with asking the Lord to help them throughout the day and to bring them comfort, schools that pray for a new family every day of the school year? Whoa.

I am wearing a yellow shirt today. I feel like a big bumblebee. I think I need to go change.

A new teacher named after a dude.

Neili is our new hire. She is AWESOME! We interviewed some serious duds yesterday, but after Neili ( who is named after her Uncle Neil) walked in, we knew she was it. I kept waiting for her wings to accidentally pop out of the back of her suit jacket. She is amazing, has her masters and six years of teaching experience with not just nice references, but references that said " she was the best teacher they had ever known". She is all of 27 or 28, married her high school sweetheart ( who is a very left-brained engineer, which I happen to be partial to :), and she has a four month old son. She said she is totally in love with her new baby AND she misses her older babies. ;) How sweet. We are all pulling together and trying to find her childcare.

God answered some serious prayers today.

Also, our roof is looking amazing. I cannot believe this total transformation our house has taken on. It is truly unbelievable. I hope Steve and I never become boring people. This is just too fun!!

Camping Trip.

Steve did something very fun tonight. He made an entire camping experience for the kids and me. The tent is set up in the back yard right in front of our "campfire" firepit. We ate turkey dogs, and made s'mores! The kids got to help roast weenies and shmellows alongside daddy, fashioning roasting skewers out of a limb from our cherry tree (sharpening them into points with an exacto-knife. Do people take those camping?) Daddy brought out some blankies and pillows and we told, or read rather, stories- all of us snuggled up like four bugs in a rug, er....tent.

Okay, so the RAW thing is off. That was an incredible experience and one that I want to try again when I am not nursing anymore. I didn't have the "INSANE" energy I set myself up to believe I would have, which was a bit of a let down. I do however completely believe in the premise. I AM going to do it again. Right now though, I don' t think I can afford to be so run down and miss out on that time with my family. I really missed cooking too. I still cooked for the rest of the family, but it wasn't the same. When your heart isn't in it, the food can't be THAT good.

Steve and I are now having a weight loss challenge. He doesn't know that we are actually competing yet, but he will after he reads this. Now I just have to figure out what the prize will be. Since we decided that we're complete fat asses, we actually fought Dini for the ball. Let me explain..... I stand, in the proper ball-throwing, fetch-playing stance with my arm ready to throw the baseball for Dini. Dini stands in the "Are you throwing it? Are you throwing it? Are you throwing it? Are you throwing it? Are you throwing it?" position waiting for me to...you guessed it, throw it. Steve stands right next to him, assuming the same stance (but probably thinking much more intelligent thoughts). Both of them are fixated on the ball and my release. I throw. They run. Steve almost wins. But not quite. Steve and I took turns tonight. I think Dini actually ran faster with competition. I would still pay a hundred bucks to know what the hell he thought about Steve and I taking turns fetching...right alongside him. Frankly, I think he was pissed. Whatever, we burned calories and I have no doubt gave the neighbors a good laugh. Just stop for a moment. Picture it. As Mistalyn says, you just can't make this stuff up.

We are interviewing the new kindergarten teacher for the school tomorrow. There were five applicants and I am the ONLY parent on the panel. I supposed that's normal. I guess it makes sense. Part of me feels like there should be more of us, the other part wonders what the hell I'm doing there in the first place. What do I know about education? What does matter to me the most though, is that it be truly catholic, which might ruffle some feathers. But, if it's not then what makes us any different than Daystar or The Christian Academy? The other panelists are the Principal, the secretary, the preschool teacher, and the SAC chairman. What should I wear. I supposed anything in my wardrobe would do. Just as long as I don't have a Basic Instinct moment, I'll be fine.

Oh, we painted the master bedroom today. Just a word to the wise; when the swatch in the paint aisle says "Cocoa Creme" just assume it's a hideous "Sugarplum". Unless you like that color, just put it down and look for the swatch that says, "Paper Bag". That's the one you want. I wish I were kidding.

pet peeves

I had my bible study/book club this morning. Usually, I really look forward to spending three hours with these wonderful ladies. Today, I was irritated and frustrated. Not a nice way to be when you are gathering in the name of GOD.

I was asked to take the lead and start selecting books for us to read. I did so. Everyone seemed excited and enthused last time we met when discussing our next book (that I had chosen PER THEIR REQUEST). Yeah, you guessed it. ONE other person read the book and she only got 100 pages into it.The other SEVEN said, and I quote, "I was just too busy, but it's awesome that you had time to read it". Hmmm....did I mention that I am the ONLY ONE in that group with more than two children? I let them know in the mildest way that I could that I sort of felt laughed at. It was definitely a humbling and ego deflating experience for me today. On the upside, oh wait.....there is none.

I painted the boys' room today. It looks great. I only wish I had gotten to it a YEAR ago. It will be so nice for them, especially now that Shepherd is a big boy sleeping in his crib right next to his protective big brother.

The roofers came yesterday to deliver the shingles on top of the house. They will start on Monday. Right now, we sort of look like the epitome of white trash, weighing our house down like mobile home ready to drift down the flooded street. Roofers are funny. They look like the hardest workers you have ever seen and they speak as if the cut their teeth on the F-word. They made us laugh. One guy, the boss I think, says to me, "Hey, I see you got three kids there! If I were you, I'd stop now. My wife and me, we got three kids. Holy shit. They are so lazy! I tell ya, I don't know where they get this shit. It must be from their friends. We can't get em' to do nothin'!" I'm thinking yeah, that's it.....their friends. I replied, "Well, around these parts, we're a family. That means we bust our asses...together!" Okay, I said it a little nicer than that, but you get the gist.

I do find it rather entertaining how many people complain about how lazy their children are. As if, by osmosis, they just "picked it up" somewhere, sort of like swearing and beating your cat.

Wow, this is sort of a venting post. Sorry about that for those two of you that are reading it. I think I'm tired today. Either that or just tired of peoples' shit. Probably the former, but much easier to bitch about the latter.

Sunday Six!

1. Why do people work?
Paxton: cuz them need to work cuz them have to, to build something.
Ella: a computers

2. What is your favorite toy at the moment?
Paxton: Diesel Number 10
Ella: the train track trains

3. Why are there flowers on the Earth?
Paxton: I don't know, can you tell me?
Ella: I don't want to. I was lookin for the flowers. My flowers the big one and Mom's.

4. What is your favorite movie (cartoon, story or TV Show) at the moment?
Paxton: Thomas and Bob
Ella: Oswald and the Cat in the Hat.

5. What is your favorite snack?
Paxton: Fruit.
Ella: The fruit snack. I was looking for my fruit snack. What do you have in there? (Referring to my Steve's phone in his pocket.)

6. Why do people drive cars?
Paxton: Because cars go around and around.
Ella: I do I can drive. I stay here and Ella drive too. I'm learnin' to drive.

Do you hear what I hear?

For two whole days now, our lives have been turned not completely upside-down but almost. The house is really starting to look beautiful with ALL new windows ( at only the most minimal expenses; the children's naps, therefore attitudes, and my sanity). There has been CONSTANT banging and sawing with little regard for my desire to maintain somewhat of a schedule. Thank goodness we're flexible. Okay, not really, given that it has completely destroyed my normally jovial, happy-go-lucky disposition. What? I can be that way!

Steve was very excited when quoted a significant amount less for the windows if he did the work himself. I really tried to be supportive of him doing it but just kept wondering how long it would take a man that had never done that before to redo an ENTIRE house. I couldn't shake the instict that I could be losing my husband for upwards of a month's worth of weekends! Thank God for delegation. Steve is really happy about it too, given that it has taken two professionals more than two days. What could one amateur do in two days? Caulk. ( I hate that word by the way. Or rather, it's pronunciation.)

We have had an eventful last few days since I last blogged. Embarrassing playdates, ill-effects from going from a completely raw diet for seven days to having one night of something cooked, tours of the Japanese gardens in Moses Lake accompanied by an interesting and shoeless girl of about 12. The girl at the Gardens, named Jessica, told us that we could call her "Jesse" if we couldn't remember her name. Or, if we'd llike we could call her "Messy" since that was her nickname. She mostly walked upright, but occasionally on our walk would squat down and start RUNNING on all fours. She had mastered it. It looked as natural as that can look on a homosapien. I commented that she didn't have any shoes one. She proudly replied, " I never wear shoes. I'm half Indian." "Messy" is half Indian. Ahhh.....I see. Now it all makes sense.

Paxton is getting ready for "Culture Night" at the school. The Preschoolers are dressing as cowboys. Not sure where we're going with that. What culture is that supposed to represent exactly? I'll have to see what everyone else is wearing. I sure hope goth gear, halter tops, and gangsta pants didn't make the list. Oh, what kind of toilet has this country gone and flushed itself down....Ahh.

The roofers will be here tomorrow as well. Do you hear that? That's the sound of delegation. Either that, or that's just me, back in the bedroom, banging my head against the wall keeping perfect rhythm with the banging that is going all ALL OVER the outside of our house.