Another peanut.

We had our first ultrasound today. We got to see proof of life. Proof that there is in fact a beautiful and wonderful, perfectly made human being growing, wiggling, and living inside my body. Perfectly and wondrously made. God is amazing. The baby's tiny heart beat in perfect rhythm, strong and sure. While some technologies have enabled some pretty ghastly things to take place in our society, this is one time I am confident in saying that technology can be a beautiful thing. Steve and I watched, and watched, and watched.

You would think that this being our fourth child it would get old, blase´. No. Not in the least. It was just as amazing and beautiful this time. Maybe even more so. We didn't have to "try" with this baby like we did with our other three children. This baby was the best surprise gift we have ever received. Maybe that's what makes it feel even more like a gift from God. Do we ask for gifts? Do we "try" for gifts? Oh, goodness, how all of our children are gifts! But, I must say, it feels even MORE like a gift when it's just given to you. Just given. Thank you, God. We accept. Thankfully, willingly, lovingly, obediently, excitedly. Thank You for trusting us. We'll try to make You proud.

Immediately after our appointment with the midwife was over, Steve had to leave to catch a plane for San Jose. He'll be gone for another three+ days and the kids and I will be holding down the fort. I kissed him goodbye and watched him walk out the door of the clinic room in which I had my exam. For some reason I could not stop thinking about the pro-choice jargon, "It's my body!" I could not stop thinking about just how wrong they are. Don't they know? This tiny little person is anything but "my body". He or she has her own legs, his or her own arms, own heartbeat. That is no more my heart or my belly-button than Paxton's or Ella's or Shepherd's. There are two of us here. Two. That's not a choice. That is a person. Individual, amazing, and with it's own DNA.

I kept thinking about my husband. About how he never ceases to amaze me. About how lucky I am that he was as excited about adding another member into our beautiful family as I was. I kept thinking about all those fathers who have to hear, "It's my body. My choice." All of those fathers who are robbed of the ability to question, to have an "opinion" about a gift given them and then rejected by someone else. About a third person in the equation, their own child, who will never get to "matter". I am lucky. Oh, how lucky I am. My husband is a father. In every sense of the word. Beautiful leader, generous, patient, kind, thoughtful, and God loving. He trusts. I learn from him. I learn to relax. I learn to trust. I learn that I might not be and he might not be everything WE want to be, but we will always be who God wants us to be, as long as we trust and follow.

And in the end, who I want to be, who Steve wants to be, is the same as who God wants us to be. For right now, that's parents of four beautiful gifts.

Onward and upward.

Today has been a great, somewhat lazy day.

We just got back a little bit ago from a long hike with the kids. It is always so much fun to do that. I wish I were motivated to do it more often. I think it's that whole getting the kids bundled up part that intimidates me. After that, it's quite fun though. So, I need to just suck it up. If not for anyone else than for Steve, who is like a kid in a candy store when I'll agree to go on a nature hike.

This morning, Paxton, Ella and I got the tree up. We haven't decorated it yet since we have some fun activities planned for that throughout advent. We got the creche set up, sans the Holy Family. I am really going to have to remember where I hid them. I told the kids that Mary and Joseph will be there by Christmas Eve and that Baby Jesus will be there Christmas morning. Then we'll sing "Happy Birthday" and eat birthday coffee cake. That would be a real bummer if I lose the Holy Family. I better write myself a note.

We also did something fun and new this year. Yesterday, we bought a gingerbread house kit. The kids, Steve and I decorated it before naps. It was SO much fun. Initially I was fixated on it looking perfect. Then I realized that I had a 4 and 2 year old decorating with me. I snapped out of it and I just let them have fun. Ella kept choosing the tiniest pieces of candy to shove into the frosting so that all the frosting would ooze around it and onto her finger. So cute. Paxton loved the orange pieces. I think if he had his way, we would have had an orange gingerbread house with a splash of orange for accent.

I have been making turkey and brown rice soup in the crock pot all day and it is really starting to smell like winter around here. I absolutely love this season. I love the excitement, the chill in the air, the lights, the songs, the excuses to do fun and silly things as a family, sending out beautiful Christmas cards, going to Mass and seeing all the gorgeous colors in the sanctuary. I love it even more now that I have children. I get the first crack at forming what they understand this season to be. It isn't about presents. It isn't about what you get. It's about what we get to celebrate, what we get to give.

Steve and I decided last year to limit the kids' outside gifts to just three each. ( One from my dad, one from my mom, and one from Steve's parents). Obviously resembling the gifts of the wise men, we just thought each gift would have more meaning. I know that it's hard for our families. They have been respectful for the most part and I know that it will get easier with each passing year, especially since we'll likely have a few more children and those three gifts will add up quite quickly. With a big special gift from Santa, stockings filled by Santa, and one special gift from Mommy and Daddy, I really think they'll be okay. For further explanation see this post.

Shepherd and Ella both have birthdays coming up very soon. For Ella's first birthday, Mom, Steve's mom and I made an adorable snowman cake. This year, for Shepherd's first birthday, and I am feeling inspired by The March of The Penguins. :) Ella has requested a pricess birthdy party with a Dora cake. I am trying to figure out if I'm good enough to do one myself. Stay tuned...

Thankful Thanksgiving Thursday.

I am Thankful for our beautiful family. My children who have made me grow and will continue to do so until I die. I am thankful for my husband who makes me grow and has been willing to grow so much himself. I am thankful for a marriage that makes God the center of it, for children who know that God's perfect love is enough but who seem to let us attempt that level just the same, who let us kiss their boo-boo's, hold their hands, snuggle in bed with them, tickle them, read to them, discipline them, correct them, train them, and make mistakes with them. They seem to love us anyway. I am thankful for that.

I am thankful for parents who try. Parents who try to be better, try to change all the time. Parents who are unwilling to say, "what you see is what you get". Instead, they say "how can I be better?" Parents of crying infants, tantruming toddlers, inquisitive children, angry teenagers, and independent adults. I am thankful for all you parents who try, who stretch yourselves over and over again. I am thankful for my parents. I am thankful for Steve's parents. I am thankful for their parents.

I am thankful to the most forgiving Lord that I get the pleasure to love and ask for help every day. I am thankful for His guidance, His wisdom, His providence, His leadership, and His strength. I am thankful to His beautiful Mother for being the perfect example of what it means to just shut up and say "yes". Of what it means to be a wife who is willing to be supportive and get on the back of a donkey when she's NINE MONTHS pregnant and ride in the freezing cold for hours because she was just willing to trust. I am thankful for the example and the self sacrifice for a greater good.

I am thankful for food in the kitchen, a warm bed, clothing for my children, education, animals, trees, transportation, and the magic of the holidays and the miracles of christmastime.

I am also thankful for a certain political party who, it has just come to my attention, give four times as much as their opponents. They give four times more money, more time, and more donations. They even give more blood. Thank you, fellow Americans. I am thankful for democracy.

I am thankful for today. Today is one more day I get to spend loving my children and Steve with an imperfect love, but an intense love nonetheless. One more day I get to wake up and look at sunshine, feel excitement, joy, anxiety, and exhaustion. All are feelings which I don't take for granted because they mean I am alive and I am apart of something greater than me.

Update.

So, the prep work I have done today is beyond expectation. I am so happy to have most all of it done already.

Already finished and to be thrown in the oven for heating tomorrow: Pesto and artichoke baked brie in puffed pastry, balsamic marinated bacon wrapped shrimp, stuffing, homemade cranberry chutney, mashed potato casserole, sauteed sweet potatoes with roasted pecans and brown sugar glaze, Roasted vegetables with sharp cheddar peppered Dijon sauce, and pumpkin flan. Oh, yeah. The turkey. I have to be honest here and say that the turkey is my LEAST favorite part of Thanksgiving. What gives? It's just so....poultryesque.

I even managed to stop three different times and read stories about the first Thanksgiving with the kids.

Oh, and my biggest accomplishment of my only half-over day? I haven't yelled ONCE.

Thank you. Thank you. No applause please.

I said, stop it!

Sparked by a recent post by an awesome blogger, my new resolution is to stop yelling. I am not expecting 100% perfect adherence, but I am going to make a concerted effort ALL DAY LONG.

With a stubborn and precocious two year old, over excited and hypersensitive four year old, and a baby who whines from 3-5pm, I have my work cut out for me....in vivid color.

Here goes nothing...

Here we go!

We are showing our house to some prospective buyers tomorrow. Is it too late to paint? Seriously. We are going to do some painting tonight. That's how we roll. Let's just say a small prayer that we are able to rid the house of too many paint smells. Ew.

I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner at my house this year. I decided that, in an effort to thwart any and all vomiting while we have guests here, I am going to do as much prep work as I can ahead of time. Good idea? I think so. Frankly, the thought of the blended smells of turkey, pumpkin, garlic, cranberries, rosemary, and broccoli conjures lamentations of a violent vomiting episode. Whoa. I better stop writing about food.

I have successfully figured out that the more tired I am, the worse the heaving is in the morning. If I can be sure to get a good nights rest, I can be feeling good enough to eat something by 9 or so. After going to a football game on Saturday and being out way too late, I couldn't eat a thing until about 2:30. I did take the Eucharist at Mass, thinking that if anything would heal me, that'd do it. Our priest leaned in, gave me the host, and whispered, " God bless you, Nicole". I cried. I know I'm hormonal but, come on, how beautiful was that?

The sweetest thing I heard yesterday was from Paxton. "Mommy, I'm excited to go to Jesus' house!" (And I don't mind admitting that, in my head, I was patting myself on the back all the way to the car.)

Clarification

Regarding yesterday's post; my intention was for you to read the post and then to further read about 20 or so of the replies to the post, mainly to get an idea of what people were saying about the differences between Quiverfull and NFP.

Sorry for making you think that Steve and I were on board with the idea of not having any sort of awareness of our bodies. Yikes. I think that's why God gave us "cycles" and tangible signs of fertility. He wants us to be good stewards of the gifts which He gives, in every area.

As a good blogger friend of mine said, "God's will wins out every time". Our lives and our family size will be exactly what it should be, as long as we are open to what God wants for and expects from us.

I just wanted to see what you folks thought as well.

Quiverfull vs. NFP

Amy's post was just too good not to link to today. This is a highly (unnecessarily) controversial topic.

Where do you think Steve and I stand?

Thankful Thursdays

First, thank you Melissa for inspiring this.

Oftentimes it's hard to remind myself to really stop and thank God for His providence. For His undying love for me and my family, our marriage. For Team Prentice. I don't even have to think for a second about how we are blessed because it's just so evident.

I am thankful for my four miracles, three with names so far. I am thankful for an amazing husband who, to copy Melissa's sentiment, I don't deserve. I am thankful for some incredibly deep, supportive, enriching friendships. Women-friendships and especially couple-friendships. I am thankful for newfound blogger friends, who I have more in common with than anyone I know.

I can recall one night, while lying in bed, Steve and I both crying, praying that God please just fill our lives with some couple friends who He knew would help us along the path to which He was calling us. He did. And now we have trouble spending enough time with ALL of them.

I am thankful for parents, grandparents, and pets. I am thankful for Fall, Winter coats and mittens, and heat. I am thankful for books, sleeping babies, and tea.

I am thankful that I get to be home and watch my life unfold before my eyes. Children grow, houses change, and marriages grow stronger. And that's just what we can see. God is so good. His providence is amazing. What more could He have in store?

Finally, a reason.

Steve is in Seattle again for a few days. I am here. I am a teeny bit scared. No, not of handling the kids by myself. I am scared that they might need to eat before 11am. I am highly tempted to have a veritable smorgasbord laid out all over our dining room table, of non-perishable snack foods, full of transfats and completely devoid of any nutritional value. Ah....a girl can dream.

So, I think I will be gagging my way through breakfast preparation over the next couple days.

Paxton has preschool today and then I am off to volunteer for a few hours. Grammy is meeting me there and taking the kids out to lunch. That will be SO nice. We are getting ready to move our office into a new building and I am sure there will be permanent markers, tape, scissors and big boxes everywhere. That would spell WAY too much fun for little hands trying to "help" Mommy.

In other news, Shepherd is aggressively cutting his top two teeth. They are almost in. Maybe one more day. In the meantime, he seems to be enjoying biting everything .....and everybody. Hard.

How does one go about stopping an 11 month old from biting? An old pediatrician my parents used to see when we were little would say, "just bite him back.". Um, I think, for today, I'll just let that little gem of wisdom pass me by. That could explain SO much about why I have poor math skills and have a tendency to be controlling. My parents probably bit me.*




*probably not, but it sure makes for a good excuse for any and all dysfunction doesn't it?

Ideas?

Anyone have any ideas what to do with a 4 1/2 year old suffering ennui, having given up naps six months ago? I can only let him play with knives for so long.

Please keep in mind when offering suggestions that EVERYONE else in the house, except Daddy, is trying to nap. :)

Bring it on.

The sickness has officially hit. It has been progressing for a few days now but this morning was when I knew for sure that it was here.

I was reading a news site. One of the stories titled, "Burger King Manager Shoots Teen" sent me running to the toilet. Just looking at the words Burger King. That was enough. Smells always get me. But, sometimes it seems just the word has the power to conjure a smell.

I haven't worn perfume since 2001. I still can't think about a twinkie without gagging (bad experience in 5th grade). So...I think it's psychological for me. Yes, that's what it is. I am a tiny bit crazy. It's all in my head. I should just snap out of it!

In the mean time, Steve and the kids are on their own for breakfast for a while. Steve asked me this morning to buy some "good cereal". Apparently, the kids weren't really digging my Fiber One and Shredded Wheat options. We've never really been a cereal family but, I think with pregnancy #4 we might have to become one.

Vomiting from hormones indicating an actively growing, healthy baby? Bring it on.

Spain.

We were invited to some friends' house tonight for some tapas. Yum. I made flan because, really, what would go better with tapas?

It will feel SO good to get out with some big people--other couples. Adult conversation, laughter and maybe even a card game or two. This tired couple has needed friend time.

...or a trip to Spain. Ahh....someday. We'll just settle for tapas tonight.

Lazy days

Daddy is gone today. He had to be in Seattle all day to work. So, naturally, the kids and I are still in our pajamas. We have played, watched Cars (the best movie ever!), and made sandwiches together. I have no plans for us to move from our pajamas to regular clothes ANY time soon. That's just the way it is.

Don't be misled. It's not really just because Steve is gone that we are living like this. Although, it does make it even more justifiable. No, we are in our pajamas because we have been since Saturday night, after the auction. With the exception of getting dressed for Mass on Sunday and my volunteer work yesterday, we have not even been out. We're not sick. We're not tired. We're just.....relaxing. I should clarify that Paxton has been getting dressed for Preschool. That seemed important.

I haven't done it in about three months. I'm doing it now. This post auction and election relaxation feels pretty darn nice.

The auction went SO well. My mother created a gorgeous charcoal drawing of our Queen of Peace that fetched $1,700. Steve's mom made a beautiful Noah's Ark quilt using the 4-year old preschoolers handprints to create the animals which also fetched $1,700. Our Mediterranean dinner went twice for $1,800. So, all in all, Team Prentice and family did pretty well for this little school. The decorations turned out really well and a lot of people commented that it was much more elegant this year than in years past. It was a ton of work, I learned a lot about myself, I am glad I have that experience under my belt, and I can now say with complete certainty, I am never doing it again. My parents used to use the saying, "there are too many chiefs and not enough Indians". I don't think I need to expand.

I am disappointed, to say the least, in South Dakota. Not shocked, but disappointed. I really am. I was really thinking something else might happen there. I am really trying to stay upbeat and be grateful that an abortion ban was even ON the ballot. Baby steps. Pun completely intended.

In my laziness this week I also finished my Uncle Jim's new book. It's amazing. I HIGHLY recommend it. Fair Play: The Moral Dilemmas of Spying. Buy it. Check it out. Read it. (Melissa, I bet Darren would LOVE this book). His full name is James M. Olson. He's the former Chief of CIA Counterintelligence and is a current professor at George Bush School of Government and Public Service at Texas A&M University. He collaborates with some pretty amazing sources in this book and talks about real life experiences that he had while in the field. I am so proud of him and proud to know and love him. He embodies the true meaning of patriotism.

Does anyone find that the more times you are pregnant, the more you forget what's supposed to be happening at different points or even how far along you are? When I was pregnant with Paxton, every day felt like an eternity waiting for this new, beautiful someone to enter our lives. This time around? I am finding myself wishing I could just be pregnant a few more months. There is so much to do and so little time!

Now I think it's time to go make some cookies. In our pajamas.

South Dakota.

Please, please, please stop what you are doing a few times throughout the day today. Stop and say a prayer for South Dakota and their elections.

God willing, this could change the course of history.

(More about the auction later. It was a huge success and I feel so good about it.)

Death and tax write-offs. The only sure things.

Okay. The auction that we have been working feverishly on is just two days away. My precious family has sacrificed SO much time with me in the last two weeks. It is crunch time. I will let you know how it turns out. God willing, it will be a huge success and all will attend feeling inspired to give.

Who are you praying for today, this All Souls Day?

Those on my list? My brother, grandpa, nana, great grandmas, great uncle, and Steve's grandma. May Christ's Peace comfort them and bring them home. May they enter into the gates having fulfilled their respective missions, those chosen spefically for them by Our Father. May we be aspiring to do the same this very moment here on earth. Life on earth is so short compared to eternity. As one of my favorite priests says, "We're all terminal". Are we doing everything we can to prepare?

Fundraisers and death. I am not sure of the parallel yet, but stay tuned.