Family redefined.

I learned two things yesterday; 1) we are not defined by the mistakes our parents made and, 2) I still have the ability to be honest and loving, even in the midst of such immense pain it's indescribable.

My father did a wonderful job of not trying to fill the silence yesterday evening as we sat down to dinner. I sat there with my two brothers that I was raised with and looked on with compassion for my sister and my brother that I knew nothing about. At first meeting, they were soft spoken. They remained that way for the duration of dinner with brief moments of laughter, uncomfortable silence, even a little teasing. Lots of looking down at our napkins, tears from me, and laughter from one of my brothers who was clearly as uncomfortable as I was. I realized though, that I loved them. That love that you feel for a child the moment it is born, or the love that you feel when you see a mother being so loving with her handicapped child. That is God's love. The love that he puts in your heart so that you can relate to one another on a human level. I felt love for my brother and sister, instant love.

We got through dinner and I suggested that maybe we all go to the movies together. Nacho Libre was the pick. ( Secretly, I knew I would hate it, but I also knew I was dealing with a 20 year old, two 16-year olds, and a 15 year old. I had to suck it up and go shallow.) The seating arrangement once inside the theater was poetic and in this order; Kellen, Cord, Garrett, Chera, Me, Dad. They fit perfectly amongst us, and it wasn't in the least uncomfortable.

I found out that my new brother is handsome, soft-spoken, gentle, insecure about being thin, and loves athletics. I found out that my new sister is beautiful, freckle faced, drools in her sleep just like I do and has a sweet tooth that won't quit. I found out that when I am uncomfortable I can act like it, instead of filling the silence or feeling the need to fix everyone else's discomfort. I learned that family is family. We don't pick each other. I learned that out of a tawdry affair and a highly dsyfunctional marriage can still come six of the most amazing blessings from God. The six of us. We have each other now. One of us gone to heaven, the others making their way.