weighing heavily..

A couple things that are weighing heavily on my heart; potentially weaning altogether and vasectomies (Not us!! Don't worry).

I got out the kids' baby books this morning to update them, like I do after every well-baby checkup. So..I think I figured out why it is distressing me so much to let go of nursing Shepherd. I have just been having this horrible feeling in my heart, this feeling that he's just too little still which is a) why I should KEEP nursing and b) why I should STOP nursing-- he's not getting enough! So I looked up the kids' weights and heights at their 6 month checkups. At 6 months, Paxton: 19 pounds 29 inches, Ella: 18lbs 2 oz, 25 1/4 inches. Shepherd: 14lb 14 oz., 25 1/2 inches. Shepherd is over four pounds smaller than Paxton was ( and 3 1/2 inches shorter!) and 3 1/2lbs smaller than Ella! No wonder.

Also I looked up their stats at 12 months. Paxton: 30 lbs ( yeah, you read that right) and 31 inches. Ella: 22 lbs and 29 inches. Either my grimacing in pain has affected my milk supply over the last couple months, or Shepherd is just going to be coasting along on the shrimp boat to short town for the rest of his life.

Second topic; Vasectomy. Okay, so I have been disturbed as of late about how many Catholics seem to think that contracepting and permanent sterilization is OKAY. I am really not trying to sound judgmental, especially since I myself was on birth control at one time. But, I have also made an effort to know where the church stands on marriage, child rearing and sexual purpose since then. I have made an effort to dive head first into this faith and embrace and understand the WHOLE thing, not just the parts that are easy to agree with. Two catholic men that I know have had vascetomies recently. (I won't get into the fact that one of them consulted a priest in a nearby parish who told him to "go ahead" with it! He had to have had a gut feeling it was wrong to feel the need to ask a priest, right?)

So, in the process of learning the "why's" regarding many catholic teachings, I learned the primary purpose for married sex. It is two-fold; unitive and procreative. They have to be allowed and accepted together. We cannot tear them apart, else we suffer pain and emotional turmoil. It's a pandora's box, our society's ability to grow babies in Petri dishes and have one night stands without knowing the other person's name. God made man for woman and woman for man. There is a reason our bodies fit perfectly together, to bring forth life and love. The openness to life is a critical aspect of that sacramental union, so much so that if one spouse is unwilling to be open to life, the marriage will not be blessed by the church. It's THAT big. It's THAT big that we let GOD control the marriage and life that we have and that we pray for HIS will every single day, not that he becomes okay with ours.

Okay, this is getting heavier than I initially intended it to be. Suffice it to say that what bothers me the most is that I deeply love and care about these men and their wives ( who are also catholic by the way) and I don't know what to do. Steve and I have asked the advice of other people about whether or not we should let them know what the church really believes about it. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, we're assuming they don't already know. It is not our place to judge. It IS however, our place to help others in the path of Christ, as I would hope my fellow Christians would do if Steve and I were suffering in sin. Any suggestions? It can be reversed afterall, so it's not like it would be fruitless if we did say something.

Again, only I could start blogging about big babies and close by writing about paths of sin. I am complex, like an onion. Well, maybe more like a light switch, on or off. Yeah, that's probably more like it.