FREEness

So, we got to Cave B around 4:30ish. It was amazing. So beautiful. So quiet. So perfect.

It's a small resort and winery--only about thirty or so rooms. BUT, each room is more like a suite or studio apartment, complete with hardwood floors, exposed ceiling beams, rustic furnishings, limestone and granite and lots of glass in the bathrooms. The entire backside of each suite overlooks the Columbia River Gorge and Cave B vineyard--it's all glass with two doors so that you can walk out onto your own lawn and patio (covered by trellises and grapevines). It was just so incredibly peaceful. Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself.

So, when we checked in, the receptionist at the front desk said to Steve, "Oh, I see that our manager (that would be the 'Amazingly Fabulous Tiffany') has decided to upgrade you to the Honeymoon Suite, which will be complementary this evening. We are so sorry for your trouble. Also, your dinner, at table #2 (better known as THE BEST TABLE IN THE PLACE!), will be on us this evening, as will your breakfast in bed. What time would you like us to bring that to you in the morning, Sir?"

We giggle like teenagers and stutter a bit, wondering, "Could they be serious?'"

Oh yes, they were.

After we agreed on what time we would like to eat at the finest table in the restaurant for free, we had to decide what time in the morning we would like to be fed a gourmet breakfast in bed for free. Then there was one more decision. What time would we like to go to the free wine tasting session we were given along with our two free wine glasses. Hmmm. Um, NOW? Cuz, it's free.

I realize that with all of this "free" excitement I must sound like a total and complete cheapskate. I promise, I am not. But, it felt so surreal to be in such a beautiful place, enjoying beautiful scenery, tasting amazing wine, eating amazing cuisine, holding my husband's hand, sleeping in, reading, lounging, taking two long baths in a jetted tub, and being able to actually have an adult conversation that wasn't punctuated with phones ringing, disciplining, etiquette training, or hiney-wiping of any kind. I would have paid six hundred dollars for that. We paid nothing. It was Cave B's little gift to the Prentices for --um--being INCONVENIENCED. Man, I wish we could be inconvenienced like that every time we vacation!

All in all, it was one of the best times away with Steve I have had yet. So relaxing. So beautiful. So quiet.

Don't worry. We did some pretty over-the-top tipping, just so we could feel like we were actually giving them something for treating us like ROYALTY. I can't wait to go back! And, we won't even mind if they ask us to pay for it.

Let us honor...

The Assumption into Heaven of the Blessed Virgin Mary
Feast Day: August 15

Young Families

When Jesus died on the cross, he gave his mother to his apostle John. That means that he wanted Mary to treat John as her son, and John to treat Mary as his mother and take care of her. Mary moved into John's home, where he said Mass each day. So Mary was close to her Son in the Blessed Sacrament, even though He had ascended into Heaven.

Mary's love for God and Jesus grew even stronger than it had been when Jesus had been present on earth. She grew more holy every day. People came to visit her, she was kind and patient with everyone. Saint Luke (who wrote the Gospel of Saint Luke) painted a picture of her during this time. The portrait of 'Our Lady of Perpetual Help" which was painted centuries later, used Saint Luke's portrait as a model of what Mary looked like.

Finally when she was very old, it was time for Mary to die. She had enough time to say goodbye to all the apostles before she died. The grieving apostles took her body to a tomb near the one that Jesus was laid in. They covered her with a white shroud and laid her to rest in the tomb.

But Mary's body didn't stay there. Jesus came to her and took her body and soul into heaven to be with Him. Mary was the Immaculate Conception - the only person except Jesus who had been born without the stain of Original Sin,the disobedience of Adam and Eve. God and Jesus would not let the body of the Mother of God decay. This was her reward for her love of God and her years of faithful prayers and suffering.

This is an excerpt from a post on Danielle Bean's blog this morning. We're off to Mass at 9 and then a nice playdate in the park.

I also just found out that FOUR out of 8 of the women in my book club/ bible study are expecting!!! That will make FOUR NEW BABIES in two and a half months. Yay!

Oh, our weekend? Incredible. I will post about it either later today or tomorrow. :)

...or the good news?

So...we were supposed to go to Cave-B tonight for our anniversary. We were supposed to taste wine, have dinner, stay in the cliffhouse suite and wake up to breakfast in bed. We were supposed to leave here in about 45 minutes to drop the kids off at grandma's for the rest of the weekend.

Tiffany from Cave-B called. She called Steve's work phone (thank goodness we were in the house!). Her voice was quivering. She regretted to inform us that they had DOUBLE BOOKED and could not honor our reservation. She felt horrible.

Steve got the news and felt horrible. Almost Ill. All his hard work and the effort he made to do something special, to be romantic, was going to be ruined.

And then.....

The good news. Tiffany felt so badly, that, in an effort to compensate for their error, she offered to upgrade us to the honeymoon suite (the best one they have), give us $100 towards our dinner, offer us a free wine tasting session, and throw in a free breakfast in bed. All this AND an apology that we would have to wait until tomorrow night instead of tonight. Was she kidding?! We needed to be thanking her for giving us an excuse to have a three-day weekend, no stress about having to try to figure out how to coordinate picking up the kids AND making it to Mass in the morning, letting us eat breakfast in bed, and maybe, just maybe, get through an entire morning paper without having to wipe someone else's rear end! God is so good. Tiffany is so good. Cave-B rocks. ( You can check it out online at http://www.cavebdirect.com/. They deserve a plug after this!)

If I weren't married to Steve, I just might ask Tiffany to marry me and stay in the honeymoon suite with me.

Oh, and Steve, happy 6th wedding anniversary. I love you so much. Thank you for sticking with me for six of the most amazing years of my life. You have forever changed the woman that I am and will be. You have given me three amazing children and you have required more of me than any other person I have ever known. Thank you. I love you.

Eleven words

to say to get your children to behave like perfect angels while grocery shopping:

"And if you are really good, we can get some strawberries."


Can I tell you how much I love that?

What's funnier than funny?

Being at the neighborhood ice cream social and having your neighbor, who NEVER waves at you when they drive by, recognize you instantly as "the sweet family that is always waving at us".

You can't make this stuff up. Seriously.

Socials.

Okay, it's been three days and Team Prentice is still going strong. We have been getting up at 5:30, showering, making coffee, reading, praying and tackling our days head on. So, I know three days is only a drop in the bucket but, it's a start. It's a strong start. Steve commented just a bit ago that it seems like we aren't snipping at each other at all with this new schedule. We are both rested and feeling like we have a purpose; our marriage and our respective vocations. I have a feeling that God's hand is in all of it, right down to me playing catch with the kids at 7:00 this morning instead of my usual walking around the house, having other priorities like laundry, cleaning, returning phone calls or finally showering. I am really happy with the way our days have been. Long, but so much better and more positive.

Tonight we are headed to our neighbor's house for a "dessert and ice cream social" for the entire block. Honestly, I'd really prefer a fresh cucumber social or a strawberry and cottage cheese social or even a quiche social. However, they didn't ask me. So, I suppose I will take my brood, my refrigerator log and my lawn chair and shut up. I'll try to choke down a little bit of all the 13 or so desserts and the homemade ice cream. Whoa.

I started using fitday.com to track my calories, activities and goals. It's a wonderful tool that was given to my by my endocrinologist and I am so glad that I started using it. One problem? You have to be rigorously honest about every. single. thing. that goes into your mouth, so you are painfully aware that, by 4:30 you have about five hundred calories left to work with. Hmmm. Five hundred calories? Homemade ice cream and desserts? Well, I guess I'll be taking along one of the kids sippy cups as well then. Maybe just the lid.

On the upside, I am looking forward to directly confronting the eight or nine neighbors that habitually drive right on by our house, every day, never waving back at either my children or me when we are in the front yard. How rude! Okay, so I won't be confronting them but maybe just trying to burn holes into them with my eyes. Or, I guess, better yet, I could try to be nice to them and see if maybe they'll start waving from here on out. Yeah, I suppose that would be the more "christ-like" thing to do. How dull though. Ice cream social just screams cat-fight, don't you think?

The so-darn-cute-I-want-to-chew-on-their-cheeks fruits of my labor

is it naptime yet?

We started our day at 5:30 this morning. Steve and I showered in seperate showers at the same time and came out swinging. Ready to begin our day and ready to do our respective jobs, with clarity, purpose, and peace of mind. We ate, we prayed, we formed a plan. It is now 9:07 and I feel as though I have been awake and ready for the world (and our children) for about 7 hours. I have a feeling that, by 8:30 tonight, we are going to be one tired "Team Prentice".

It feels so good.

Now, on to Danielle Bean....

Happy Birthday, Mama by marriage!

Steve's mom turned 60 today. Sorry, Mrs. Prentice, you've been exposed. :)

We just went to their house for a nice birthday dinner cooked by the Prentice 5. Well, more like the Prentice 2 since Paxton, Ella and Shepherd weren't much help. They were good for filling the cuteness quota I suppose.

This birthday seemed hard for Steve's mom. She kept saying that it felt a lot bigger than turning 50 did. I guess it's all relative. Don't we all have a certain number? That one number that is harder to hit than any other? Why is that? So strange. Regardless of how SHE feels about it, we feel so grateful. I told her that she is finally at the "believable age to be a grandma". It has nothing to do with looks, but something about the 60's says, "I am a grandparent and I have a ton of energy still to give to these little people who are pretty sure that the sun rises and sets on me". I am ready to rest, live, learn, grow, and watch my legacy unfold before my eyes. What's more, she will be so pivotal to who they become as adults by what she models today. They are watching you, Grandma, and they are loving you with every fiber of their being. You better take advantage of the coolness with which you have been bestowed!

Steve and I are really going to try to take charge of this ship. Tonight, before tucking the kids into bed, we read the daily scripture from the magnificat. It felt SO good. On the way home from Grandma's we listened to the luminous mysteries on CD. I keep feeling like we are chasing our tails, like we're on a runaway train. It doesn't have to be like that. I know too much. Steve knows too much. God loves us too much. Our kids need us too much. The resources at our fingertips are too great to keep going unused. It feels good. I think we are officially on the bandwagon.

Pictures are coming, I promise! You'd think that with a husband who is a software engineer that the technology of it all might not horrify me. But, it really does. Shhhh. Please don't tell him. He'd be so ashamed.

the working rebel

I just got back from a long weekend in Spokane with my mom. I was so glad to be able to have Steve's support to go over there. I tried to be really helpful and I just hope that I was. She is recovering slowly but surely. It's so hard to watch your mom be in physical pain, pain that you can't take away. I always figure food helps in times of pain. So, I just made a bunch of soup and sides, helped her walk around, tried not to make her feel like a small child, and tried not to mix up her pills while administering them and accidentally kill her. Joe warned me before I got there that, in an effort to be frugal, my mother, in a medicated fog,"combined" her new prescriptions with the ones that she's had for years. So stubborn. Honestly, I don't know where she gets it. I'm certainly no that way. Not at all. Really. Not at all. Seriously.

While I was there I started reading an excellent book that I ordered. "Guiding Your Catholic Preschooler" by Kathy Pierce and Lori Rowland. SO GOOD. I realized within the first chapter that, thus far, I have been a complete slacker-parent. Sure, I was saying mealtime prayers with the kids, reciting at least one of the prayers in the rosary every day or so, putting crosses and pictures of Jesus in the house, and taking the kids to Mass every Sunday. But all of this is not enough. First of all, somewhere in the fog of just trying to keep the kids alive and crossing my fingers that they'll be polite adults, I forgot that there actually was a PURPOSE. God has a purpose for them to go through adolescence and for me to muddle my way through helping them to reach Him. A purpose for choosing ME to be their mom. Children are like sponges. My job is to lay down my life for them, to be an example by the way that I dress, speak, pray, eat, worship, and learn. Their jobs? To listen and learn. I have been afraid that they were too young for this or that, or that we might alienate some people if we completely dedicate ourselves to the service of others and God. God first, family second, everything else after that. God will always help me to teach and guide my children, His children. The rebel within me doesn't want it to have to so much be work! I guess Jesus did warn us that following Him would not be easy.

Speaking of rebels....our anniversary is in 6 days. Our 6 year wedding anniversary to be exact. And our gift to each other? A new camera!! One that actually takes the picture when you click the button! Not 3 or 4 seconds afterwards! Imagine. It is so nice. It's a Canon Rebel XT with EIGHT MEGAPIXELS!!!! Whoa. We thought we'd have fun with it tonight after I got home. We put it on "sport mode" and it took three pictures in one second. One second. ONE SECOND. Thank you, Steven. I love you!! Photos are what helps us to remember our pasts and I cannot wait to start documenting the kids' pasts.

Book Meme

1. One book that changed your life:

The Road Less Travelled by Scott M. Peck

2. One book that you've read more than once:

The Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells

3. One book you'd want on a deserted island:

Eating Raw

4. One book that made you laugh:

A Girlfriends Guige to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine

5. One book that made you cry:

Where The Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls ( I know, I'm a sap)

6. One book that you wish had been written:

Women With Hormone Imbalances and The Men Who Love Them

7. One book that you wish had never been written:

Um...since I haven't read it but am so tired of hearing about it....A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

8. One book you're currently reading:

Godless by Ann Coulter

9. One book you've been meaning to read:

Theology of the Body Explained by Christopher West

forgiveness

Me: Ella, come here right now.

Ella: What, mom?

Me: I told you not to play with the hose. What were you just doing?

Ella: But I was just making a river!

Me: Ella, that's not okay and I told you that you weren't allowed to play with the hose.

Ella: Just mommies and daddies can?

Me: Yes. That makes me upset with you.

Ella: Okay, (reaching over to hug me) I forgive you, mom.


I'm sure glad that I have instilled the importance of forgiveness in my children. Discernment, on the other hand...

Age old debate...Working: with pay or without?

On Wednesdays, I volunteer as a counselor at a crisis pregnancy center for three hours or so. I take the kids with me and Shepherd and Ella usually nap for two hours or more while I am there. Paxton entertains himself by coloring, reading, or watching veggie tales movies. I travel thirty minutes there and back since the center is in another town. All in all, the kids and I are usually gone for around five hours. Five hours.

Five hours shouldn't seem like that much. A good friend of mine commented on how difficult it would be to work outside the home, like I do, with more than one child. I hadn't thought about it like that before. I AM working outside the home. I am not getting paid, but I am certainly working. I think until now, I have just been thinking about it as simple volunteering. I guess that, when she said that, what was going through my mind was "I don't work outside the home!" And then, right after that, I thought, "Wow, that was so nice of her to notice that just because I don't get paid doesn't mean that my whole family isn't sacrificing every single Wednesday so that I can help those in need". How validating.

You see, I get home on Wednesday, late afternoon, and feel exhausted. Utterly exhausted. I feel like I have worked 40+ hours. I feel like nothing has been done around my home and I haven't taken care of my own family for SO long. How is that? Since staring to volunteer, I have had feelings of compassion for moms who HAVE to work like I never did before. I judged them. I judged them to be having "different" priorities. "Different" equaling "backwards". No longer do I feel that way. I really don't. I have so many friends who are in that struggle of HAVING to work to provide for their families, of having to make this exhausting juggle every single day. I love them so much and I think of how blessed I am. I am blessed that I don't have to. I am blessed to be able to stay home because Wednesdays exhaust me.

I have been saving this post as a draft for two days now, thinking that it might offend someone or that I shouldn't be THIS honest about how I feel. Ultimately I decided that, like Danielle Bean's post a day ago, this is my space to talk about what I want to, about what is on my mind.

That being said, coincidentally, I had an email from a friend yesterday afternoon after I had already begun this post. It was a friend who works, has been married for a little over a year and doesn't have children yet. This friend has thanked me on numerous occasions for staying at home with my children and not working outside the home. She feels passionately about it and feels that all mothers should stay at home. She even feels that it's a SIN not to. In her email, she asked me if I felt the same way. My answer? I don't know. That judgment is left to God. I DO think that working for the sole motivation of having more money and more material things is sinful, since it is greed and sloth and those are clearly sins. I don't however think that all working mom's are working because they want to wear Estee Lauder makeup and Gucci sunglasses. Some legitimately must work so that their children can eat. I do happen to think that far too many women, however, have convinced themselves that they are in the "must work" category and not the "want to" work category. Pride is also a sin, so if I go any further I am guilty of an equal sin; judgment.

Any thoughts?

Even more precious..

Tucking the kids into bed tonight....

Me: Paxton, I loved that book. Did you notice that eventhough all the other jaguars were spotted they still wanted to be friends with the one that was all black and looked different than them?

Paxton: Yeah. But, Aw, that's too bad. I wish I could just be black.



Me: Goodnight Ella (kissing her).

Ella: Goodnight, beautiful!



I am sitting here checking out Amazon's deals on Catholic children's books. I just bought the three books by Gortler and Piscitelli; 'Little Acts of Grace' looks awesome! And also the book about homeschooling by Kimberly Hahn, per Melissa's suggestion. Thanks Melissa!!!

Damaged for life : breastfeeding hangups and brain capacities

We are back from our long weekend to go spend some more time with my mom. Thanks for the well wishes! Mom is starting to do a little better, although it seems that it is two steps forward and one back. My stepdad called this morning to tell me that she is starting to complain about the hospital food now. That's a good sign at least. Now she is aware enough to notice the tar that sits before her, that everyone seems to call "lunch". They actually tried feeding her the quintessential hospital food, green jello. Ew. Hopefully she'll be home by Wednesday or Thursday, a full ten days after she went in (and five days longer than she was supposed to have been there).

While we were in Spokane we took the kids to the airshow at Fairchild airforce base. They got to see the THUNDERBIRDS. They were awesome and the kids loved going through the old warplanes. Steve keeps saying that one of his major regrets is that he never served his country. When pressed further, he just said that it was 'the right thing to do' especially with the war happening. If he had said that to me three years ago I might have chuckled and not given it another thought. But for some reason when he said that yesterday, I agreed with him. I found myself wishing that too, wishing that my brothers would serve, and thinking that there is still time. Interesting, huh? How could Steve do that?

Awesome post on Danielle Bean re: breastfeeding. Check it out! With all of this talk about my boobs lately, it's a wonder any of you are still reading this. Thanks for being so awesome and supportive. I am, afterall, just trying to do the best thing for MY baby and also be the best mom possible to all of my children. The end. No more nipple talk.

One last random tidbit. As most of you know, we don't have television in our house. We have a T.V. but we only use it to watch movies. While at my mom's house, the kids got to watch that flickering blue haze once again and THEY LOVED IT. So did Steve and I. So, I think while I soak in self righteousness that I am not poisoning my children's brains and diminishing their brain capacities, I will also feel free to take a two to three day vacation to mom's house anytime I feel that their little minds need poisoning. In other words, anytime I feel that they need to just "check out" so that I can do the same. It was So nice at 7:00 Saturday morning to just turn it on and let it do it's job. It did it's job so well in fact that Paxton is now calling his father 'Steve' and Ella has started yelling 'NO!'. Dear Lord, what have we done? It was just a little Dora and Doogal! The damage is irreparable.

Epiphanies and thank you's.

To my new supporters and allies, thank you. Melissa and Michelle, you're awesome. Thanks for the support, from one Catholic mom to two others!

My mom had some pretty major surgery and I have been out of town. I nursed Shepherd yesterday morning and then didn't nurse him again until this evening, and that was only because I got online and read your supportive comments. I realize that I have been beating myself up. And for what? I CAN nurse him once a day if I'd like and if it isn't excruciating. I CAN wean him if I feel like it's just too much pain to continue to endure. And I CAN feel confident that he's not going to love me or hate me any more or any less because I did or didn't breastfeed him four months longer. I am so overwhelmingly blessed to have found some amazing support over this crazy connection making machine they call the internet. God continues to amaze me with how much love he has for us and for how happy he wants us to be, connecting us with support all over the place if we choose to reach out for it.

On to my mom... So, my mom had this major surgery yesterday morning and I cannot believe how strong she is. She literally had almost half of a lung removed due to RA and lung disease, and she managed to muster up enough wit and humor today to throw a piece of ice at my brother, jokingly flip him off ( with her index finger no less!) and tell me how pretty I was. How amazing is that? Here is my beautiful mother, in a hospital gown, in the ICU, with more tubes coming out of her than teats on a dairy cow and she manages to find a way to be a light in the room; to put my brother, who is completely freaked out by the smell of hospitals, sterile environments and needles, at ease; to stroke my face and with just a look, let me know that she wasn't going anywhere and that she was going to be around for a long time. I really tried not to let any worry show on my face but I am assuming that just the sheer nature of her being my mother means that she might be able to read more into me than I give her credit for. I wasn't scared that anything was going to happen but I was scared for my mom. Does that make any kind of sense? I guess compassion is the common name for it, but it feels so much more profound than that.

My mother and I have had a tumultuous relationship since I was a young girl (for more reasons than I can really get into in one sitting). But I saw my mother in a new way today. I saw her being a strong, graceful woman; letting people take care of her but also letting us know the she will be around to take care of us and our children. I don't really feel like I "need" mothering. I don't really feel like I "need" nurturing from her. I wanted that a long time ago and it wasn't there. But, today, for some reason I kept feeling like now is our time. Now is my time to appreciate my mother for her boisterous laughter, her beautiful dark curly hair and rosy cheeks, her deep wit and charm, her warm hands, her sense of style and humor, her tenacity, the way she can make my children smile and giggle like no other. I love the Noni that she is for my children and I love the mother she has grown to be for me. Faultless? No. The mother than I always wanted growing up? No. The beautiful human being that God created her to be and the perfect mother for me now? Absolutely.

I am going back to be with my mom in another two days and will be gone over the weekend. And if all this traveling insanity keeps up? We're just going to have to cancel school. My children won't have time to learn.

Thanks again, Blogger friends. You're awesome!!

perspective...

I just walked into Paxton's room where the kids were playing so nicely and quietly with their trains. I noticed Ella chewing on something. It was a penny. I promptly told her to please spit that out. She, of course, asked why. Here is our converstaion:

Me: Ella, you need to spit that penny out of your mouth right now, please.

Ella: But, why?

Me: Because you could choke on it and that would be very dangerous.

Ella: Why?

Me: Because you could die! Now give it to mom, please!

Ella: But then I could fly up to heaven! Yay!

Me: But you're not old enough to go to heaven yet. You have to wait. We want to have you here with us for a lot longer!

Ella: (now handing me the penny, looking very sad) But when will I be old?

Me: A long time. You have to be really, really, really old.

Paxton: Like you, mom?

The end.

weighing heavily..

A couple things that are weighing heavily on my heart; potentially weaning altogether and vasectomies (Not us!! Don't worry).

I got out the kids' baby books this morning to update them, like I do after every well-baby checkup. So..I think I figured out why it is distressing me so much to let go of nursing Shepherd. I have just been having this horrible feeling in my heart, this feeling that he's just too little still which is a) why I should KEEP nursing and b) why I should STOP nursing-- he's not getting enough! So I looked up the kids' weights and heights at their 6 month checkups. At 6 months, Paxton: 19 pounds 29 inches, Ella: 18lbs 2 oz, 25 1/4 inches. Shepherd: 14lb 14 oz., 25 1/2 inches. Shepherd is over four pounds smaller than Paxton was ( and 3 1/2 inches shorter!) and 3 1/2lbs smaller than Ella! No wonder.

Also I looked up their stats at 12 months. Paxton: 30 lbs ( yeah, you read that right) and 31 inches. Ella: 22 lbs and 29 inches. Either my grimacing in pain has affected my milk supply over the last couple months, or Shepherd is just going to be coasting along on the shrimp boat to short town for the rest of his life.

Second topic; Vasectomy. Okay, so I have been disturbed as of late about how many Catholics seem to think that contracepting and permanent sterilization is OKAY. I am really not trying to sound judgmental, especially since I myself was on birth control at one time. But, I have also made an effort to know where the church stands on marriage, child rearing and sexual purpose since then. I have made an effort to dive head first into this faith and embrace and understand the WHOLE thing, not just the parts that are easy to agree with. Two catholic men that I know have had vascetomies recently. (I won't get into the fact that one of them consulted a priest in a nearby parish who told him to "go ahead" with it! He had to have had a gut feeling it was wrong to feel the need to ask a priest, right?)

So, in the process of learning the "why's" regarding many catholic teachings, I learned the primary purpose for married sex. It is two-fold; unitive and procreative. They have to be allowed and accepted together. We cannot tear them apart, else we suffer pain and emotional turmoil. It's a pandora's box, our society's ability to grow babies in Petri dishes and have one night stands without knowing the other person's name. God made man for woman and woman for man. There is a reason our bodies fit perfectly together, to bring forth life and love. The openness to life is a critical aspect of that sacramental union, so much so that if one spouse is unwilling to be open to life, the marriage will not be blessed by the church. It's THAT big. It's THAT big that we let GOD control the marriage and life that we have and that we pray for HIS will every single day, not that he becomes okay with ours.

Okay, this is getting heavier than I initially intended it to be. Suffice it to say that what bothers me the most is that I deeply love and care about these men and their wives ( who are also catholic by the way) and I don't know what to do. Steve and I have asked the advice of other people about whether or not we should let them know what the church really believes about it. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, we're assuming they don't already know. It is not our place to judge. It IS however, our place to help others in the path of Christ, as I would hope my fellow Christians would do if Steve and I were suffering in sin. Any suggestions? It can be reversed afterall, so it's not like it would be fruitless if we did say something.

Again, only I could start blogging about big babies and close by writing about paths of sin. I am complex, like an onion. Well, maybe more like a light switch, on or off. Yeah, that's probably more like it.

stalking spammers

Okay girls and boys, I turned on "word verification". For all of my loved ones that are terrified of technology, DO NOT BE AFRAID. Just verify the word that comes up by typing it in the window exactly how you see it. Trust me. Nothing will explode. Your computer will not die. No one will get your credit card number and spend thousands of dollars at Best Buy. Just do it.

writing style

Just as an aside, I apologize for my horrible writing style when I am tired. I went back to check and edit my post and realized just how shoddy my writing is when I am a) really distressed or, b) really tired. I think I was "b" this morning. and "a" earlier in the week when I was considering weaning.

Just beautiful.

Well, the dinner was amazing.

I am so grateful for so many things, but mostly that the spirit of the little school that benefited the most from this dinner was felt through and through. We all looked the same in our uniforms. Steve and George served. Jenny and I prepared plates and readied everyone for the next course, the future--to which they could look forward.

The food was wonderful, and most everyone scraped their plates at each course. The lamb turned out so beautifully, which was what I was most concerned about. The converstation flowed. We left them alone and the guys only bothered them to clear plates, refill drinks and bring the next course. They wanted recipes and one wanted to take one of my menus home. All in all? A 5 star dinner. I am so happy and it was SO much fun.

Thank you Steve, George, and Jenny. What an amazing team we are. George LOVED making deigns on the plates with chocolate ganach, raspberry sauce, and chocolate shavings for the desserts, the thing they would likely remember the most. (I think he's sort of a feng shui perfectionist, which boded well for the chef :)

The Limousine driver was wonderful. He only had to spend about three hours in the SHOP because, after he dropped everyone off here, he was following a truck carrying big tree limbs and one fell off. The limo driver swerved, but inevitably ran it over anyway. He said the limo started SMOKING. Hmm.....that could have been a problem. But a friend of a friend helped him out and replaced a part. He was still here right on time last night to take everyone home. I woke up this morning just praying that everyone got all the way home. Can you imagine 8 dressed-up people thumbing it at 11:00 at night on Highway 17? Not the kind of excitement I was hoping for.

Off to shower, Mass, pick up kids from Grandma's, come home and DO DISHES ALL DAY LONG. It's 9:30 and 95 degrees outside. It might be a good day to be inside anyway.

A shout out

I'd just like to give a shout out to Steve, for being such an awesome husband and for being such a good helper. I'd also like to give a very special thank you to Vivian, without whom my children would have had a very rough day sitting in one spot and having to stay there so they wouldn't touch ANYTHING. They came home grinning ear to ear, having had way too much fun at the Aquatic center with Grammy all day and then she even treated them to McDonald's! It doesn't get much better then that.

It is now 8:52. I have made Sicilian Ricotta cake, molten chocolate lava cakes, roasted sweet red pepper base and now I am about to marinate the lamb, make the Hummus and Baba Ghanoush and hand wash the flatware. Table is set. Flowers were picked up. Lawn is mowed and children are sleeping. All is well and my kitchen currently smells DIVINE.

God is so good to us. It was 104+ degrees today. Not a cloud in the sky. Tomorrow is supposed to be 106. Nothing says a taste of the Mediterranean like a hot day, candles, grapes, cheese, good wine and great friends with whom to share it all.

Cheers to you all-- let the fun commence.

bug legs and laundry don't mix.

So I decided that I have been putting it off for too long. I MUST READ Danielle Bean's book full of short stories to 'help you get through the day'. I am just having that kind of life right now.

I think that while I am excited about this dinner, the part I am not exactly acknowledging is the incredible amount of stress it involves trying to get everything done WITHOUT dropping my three children off at daycare. Oh, the things I could get done with a nanny! Steve's parents are taking the kids on Saturday which will be tremendously helpful. My dad's girlfriend, "Grammy", is taking them to the pool tomorrow for a few hours. Again, helpful. I just haven't quite figured out what to do with the baby. Hmm... he's so transportable but so unwilling to entertain himself for seven hours. Really, am I asking that much?

To add a little to the stress, Shepherd has had the worst reaction to vaccinations of all the kids. He has had a fever all day of about 102 and has been really uncomfortable. His legs seem sore and he just seems in a pain funk. Right along with my nipples. That saga continues as well, but the pain has eased a bit with introducing one bottle of formula mid-day. Stay tuned and, in advance, thanks for not judging me to be the worst mom that ever lived.

Oh! So in closing, what's gross? Pulling wet clothes out of the washing machine and out falls the top half of an exoskeleton of a stink bug. What's grosser than gross? Realizing that somewhere, likely in a pocket, is the bottom half, which is about to take a fun ride in the dryer. Eww.

How do you know..

when the fill-in Pediatrician isn't pro-life? When he says, as he's walking out the door, "Well, this age is my favorite baby age (referring to Shepherd's 7 months). It's when they go from being just a parasite to being an actual human being."

Lovely.

Note to self: DO NOT SEE DR. X EVER AGAIN.

Incidentally, Shepherd had SIX shots and has been a trooper. He actually managed to eek out a smile at the nurse when she was finished STABBING HIM OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. The little parasite continues to amaze me.

Just ask nicer.

Ella and Paxton are playing nicely in the front living room and I am nursing Shepherd in the family room. I hear the following and a conversation ensues:

Paxton: Ella, you should go ask mom if we can color!

Ella: Okay! (running to me) Mom, can we just color now?

Mom: No, not right now, honey.

Ella: (running back to Paxton) Paxton, her just said 'no'.

Paxton: You just have to ask NICELY Boo-Boo. You just have to say PLEASE.

Ella: Okay! (running to me again) Mom, can we PLEASE color now?

Mom: No, not right now, honey. But maybe tonight, okay?

Ella: Okay! (running back to Paxton) Paxton! Her just said 'maybe tonight'!

Paxton: Okay.

Nice playing resumes.

considering weaning...

Okay, most everyone is tired of hearing about the continuing nipple saga. Well, now there is more. So, it's been painful to nurse now for almost three months but I have been sucking up like a trooper, gritting my teeth and doing it anyway. Some times of the day are worse than others, like around 3:30 or 4:00 when I have had to nurse and had scabs sucked off four or five times already. Usually by then, there are empty threats of making him a "formula baby" from here on out.

This whole thing makes me so sad. I stopped nursing Paxton before his first birthday because, frankly, to nurse a child of his size for any longer was physically difficult. My God, the child weighed almost 20 pounds at seven months and could practically grab my shirt, wrestle my arm away, lay back, eat, sit up and burp himself afterward. Also, he was my first child, so the willingness to endure that seemed impossible. I am older and wiser now. Then Ella was born and the nursing struggle began like nobody's business. I had no idea nursing could be so PAINFUL. See, Paxton latched on within minutes of being born and loved the breast from that moment on. He never had a problem learning how to eat. His poor little sister was 2 whole pounds lighter and 3 whole inches shorter at birth and just couldn't get it down. We worked, we worked, and then we worked some more. I saw a lactation consultant three times, stripped Ella down, wore nipple Shields, pumped, massaged, expressed, got Mastitis twice, pumped some more and basically didn't leave the house for four months. Then the bomb dropped. I could no longer function and kept wondering why, depite the fact that, at 4 months, Ella had finally gotten this nursing thing down, I felt like absolute, scraping the bottom of the barrel, shit. I felt horrible. Then the hypothyroid diagnosis came, where we figured out that my levels were so high, my thyroid must have stopped working immediately after she was born. After seeing an internist ( who was nice, but highly unsupportive of me continuing to breastfeed) I decided to wean Ella. I cried. She didn't. The poor baby was probably blessed to have a happy mommy again and I guess it didn't diminish her brain capacity. But, damn it, she's allergic to peanuts and I can't help but believe that it's my fault. I could have at least supplemented and not weaned altogether, right?!

So, now comes number three. Mr. Shepherd was smaller than Ella! He was just over 6 pounds, two weeks early and spent the first six days of his life in the hospital with an I.V. in his head, in and out of an incubator and on and off oxygen. Man, what a way to come into the world. I worked with him as well, got mastitis, pumped, and prayed. This time, I prayed. A lot. It worked. I remembered what it was like with Ella and was so scared of that happening again ( eventhough the thyroid thing was being closely monitored and my blood was drawn every six weeks). Fear washed away after we got home and I realized that, like his big brother, he was going to love breasts. All was well. Then came our trip.

We took a trip to Nashville two months ago. My nipples were already a little sore from Shepherd having had a cold and nursing much more frequetly than I was used to. Then. Came. The Airplane. Whoa. Ouch. Between take-offs, landings, layovers, car rentals, and attempted dinners out, my poor milk producers took a beating. I recovered the best I could before our trip to California, where I had a feeling much of the same would occur. I was right. It was manageable, but it still left me in pain during each and every single feeding. So, now I am to the point where I look at the clock, take a deep breath say a prayer and undo my bra. :(

The pain during feeding would be bearable if I had a crystal ball and could see how much longer this was going to last, or if I knew with complete certainty that, the fact that my clenching, and gritting isn't affecting my milk supply and that is why my child has been screaming every time I put him down for two days now, I might just press on. But I think I have come to that point when I need to look at the situation for what it is; something that I have continued to do because I knew it was the best for Shepherd, something that I have continued to do despite the fact that it makes it impossible for me to lose any weight, I can't go anywhere alone for longer than three hours and I am constantly juggling feeding one child and making sure two others don't play with knives while my boobs are hanging out.

I think I might taper down to only nursing first thing in the morning and then once again right before his bedtime. This makes me so sad and I feel so torn. But, ultimately, I cannot keep fearing the clock, fearing a seven month old, taking the pain out on Steve and the kids because it's just getting too unbearable. And, yes, in case you were wondering...I have tried EVERYTHING. You name it, I've diagnosed it and treated myself for it. What? You detect defensiveness? Well, actually what you hear is guilt. I guess that might be because I feel as though I am in the process of failing my child, in the process of giving up, and I'm just not okay with that.

God ...er Grandma.

We were in the line at the grocery store. I had Shepherd in my arms and Paxton was helping me unload the cart. I looked over every now and then at Ella who is nicely sitting in the front basket of the cart carrying on a lovely conversation with a woman who looked to be in her mid 80's.

Woman to Ella: "That is a lovely blanket you have there."

Ella: "Thank you."

Woman: "Did someone make that for you?"

Ella: "Yeah! God just made it for me yesteday!"

Mommy (thinking 'uh-oh, this woman is going to think we teach our children craziness') says, "Um, Grandma made that for you a long time ago, sweetheart, when you were a baby like Shepherd. Remember?

Ella: "No, God made it".

Okay, well we can't win them all. Sorry Grandma but, in the long run, there are worse things in life than being confused with THE DIVINE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE.

friend or foe?

We have a friend hanging above our door, and he's been there for two days now. He sleeps ALL DAY LONG and flies ALL NIGHT LONG. Give up? Yeah, it's a BAT. I am waiting for his wonderful maker to call him back home, before I am forced to take action and help him along myself. Ew.

dinner stress

So after calling, just to double-check, the limousine service for our dinner next Saturday night, I learned that Randolph should not own his own business. He sucks. Randolph sucks. Okay, it might have partly been my fault for not questioning the fact that he never sent me a contract to sign, but I guess I just figured that, like every other man, he wasn't worried about it and that he'd send it a week before. No, not right. Randolph is not like any other man. Thank you Steve for talking to a lovely man named James and saving my ass! We now have even better ( and cheaper, I might add) limo service than we originally had! Yay. ( I just want these people to feel like they bid on something really special. Doesn't being picked up in a limo and drinking champagne til your hearts content make you feel special? Okay, at least a little buzzed....so that even if the dinner you paid $1,300.00 to eat sucks, you'll have no memory of it being bad at all?

Here's the menu that I printed out today ( which looks even more awesome than the invitations, by the way!):

~Baba Ganoush
and
Hummus Bi Tahina

~Roasted Sweet Red Pepper Soup

~Gorgonzola Pear Salad

~Lemon Sorbet

~Roast Leg of Lamb with Moroccan Couscous
and
Courgette Saute'

~ Molten Chocolate Cakes with Sugared Raspberries
or
Sicilian Ricotta and Walnut Cake

Are you drooling yet? Yeah, me too. I really hope it turns out as I am planning. Maybe I'll drink some champagne to loosen up a bit myself! Just kidding. Speaking of that, now I need to work on the wine list. We ordered our bistro aprons today and I think those will really help pull our "outfits" together. I complain about the stress of this, but really I think it will be a TON of fun to do!!

Steve took my newest little brother up flying tonight. It was so sweet to go run out in the backyard with the kids and wave at Daddy and Uncle Cord as they flew over, about 200 feet above our heads, complete with a wing-tip and all. My children have such an awesome dad. My husband is pretty awesome too.

SO tired.

I had a great birthday. It was so busy and wonderful that I am DEFINITELY paying for it today. I am dragging a#@!

The carpet is in and looks amazing. It smells SO good in here! I had a great birthday cake for breakfast with my kids and husband, clad in huge goofy sunglasses and fake bucked teeth, singing the best "happy birthday" rendition I have heard to date. I had a great birthday lunch with a great friend, went to a great birthday dinner my dad, three brothers, one sister, Steve, and Grandma! ( It was sort of funny. I asked Steve if he thought my dad was looking at us thinking , 'whoa, I have five kids sitting right here!' Steve said, '....and two of em are the same age!'. Comic relief never hurts.) Then we went and played a wicked game of nine-man putt putt. Can you believe that I scored one over par?! Happy birthday to me. I rocked.

Since we were out until 10:30 last night, I have been paying for it most of the day. I was fine this morning, but apparently this ol' girl just can't take the late nights like she used to. My goal is to be in bed by 8:30 tonight. Steve is up flying right now, so I just might get it accomplished. He always drags me down, making me stay up later than I want to. Bastard. Not really, but you get the sentiment. It's actually very sweet. He's doing a solo to refresh so that he can take my brother and sister up in a couple days. ;) Sweet.

I had a playdate in Moses Lake today with five other mom's and their respective broods. That was so fun! It's so great to watch the kids interact and to get in some good quality "mommy time" too. I miss my friends there and don't get to see them as often as I'd like. At least I get to see them once a month for book club. The new kindergarten teacher even came to the park. I am really hoping she just jumps right in and people are warm and embracing. That will be my prayer tonight.

I work at Crossroads (formerly 1st Way) on Wednesdays from 11-2. I lucked out today and ALL three kids napped almost the whole time I was there. Shepherd in the clothing room, Ella in the parenting room, and Paxton right out in the lobby. ;) Well, two outta three being discreet isn't bad. I was the only one there today, so it was a little stressful knowing that while I was taking pee samples, running tests, and counseling, at any given moment one could wake up and need to pee.....NOW. I love that whole element of pressure though. It really makes me perform at the top of my game....my pee sample taking game that is. The kids woke up on cue and we headed home to commence the cleaning that didn't get done yesterday, cuz it was MY BIRTHDAY. Poor sucker. I just made it two times worse. I should've just sucked it up and cleaned yesterday too. So, here I sit, exhausted.

Oh, one last gripe. Okay, so I understand having a "laid back" personality. I really do. I have a spouse who is laid back. I have friends who are laid back. That's okay. Really, it is. But, at what point does personality go from being laid back to generally disinterested in ANYTHING? Just curious. I guess what I am saying is that it's so hard to not have your feelings hurt when you are so obviously excited and enthused about something, you share it with a 'laid back' person, and they act like you just told them you are about to take the garbage out. Am I crazy? Can anyone understand this? Arghhhhh.

click.

I just took myself to see the movie "Click" for my pre-birthday gift. Thank goodness we cannot manually fast-forward through any moments in our lives. Can you imagine what we would miss?

plenty of cuteness to go around

We just finished eating our lunch. While we were sitting there, Daddy said to Mommy ," I want you to plan on going to a movie tonight--by yourself". I smiled and Steve smiled, knowing that a) he wanted to give me a pre-birthday break but more importantly that b) he wanted me out of the house so that he could get some things done with the kids ( even sweeter). Then Paxton, in his most precious voice says, " But Dad, what about the kids? The kids should go to a movie too!"

I am going to lunch with a friend tomorrow, but haven't quite figured out how to finesse going to lunch while leaving the children here with Steve, who is working. Oh! And those pesky carpet layers that will be here too. Stay tuned....

Good day.

We had a good day today, beginning with an AWESOME homily from our new priest, Father Milich. (he's Croatian) He spoke about not making Jesus "convenient"--about not trying to domesticate him and make him an easier pill to swallow as we so often want to do. We'd rather look at the sweet picture of the baby Jesus in the manger than the dying Jesus on the cross. We'd rather hear His messages of loving us and forgiving us than to heed His warnings about poor decisions and their consequences. We'd rather look at the beautiful pictures of Mother Teresa with the tiny orphans than to listen to her messages about a "society, that legistates and makes legal the killing of innocent children, being filled with sin--dying a spiritual death and making our blessed Lord Jesus weep". A little heavy for a lazy Sunday evening, I know. Important nonetheless. Good message today. We cannot praise prophets from a safe distance and shrug away from them when their messages get too close for comfort. We'd rather sit in our easy chairs and just keep feeling forgiven.

We went for a long drive after Mass to Mardon, a place I have yet to experience fully. It seemed interesting. Not interesting enough to actually stop and spend time there though. I was content to wave and just keep on driving. Hard to imagine that I could have been so close to it all this time and never have seen it. Glad to have that item checked off the list. Then we went to the park, had ice cream with Grandma and Grandpa, came home and played in the pool.

I am busily preparing for a dinner Steve and I are giving in two weeks. It's a Mediterranean dinner for 8 that we donated to the school auction--a dinner that included hand written, hand delivered invitations, a limousine, lots of good food, wine, music and flowers. Plenty of candlelight to go around and Steve, me, and two friends of ours dressed to serve--white dress shirt, black slacks, and aprons that go from waist to feet. Can you see it now? Can you get a taste? Exciting? Yes. Fun? Yes.
A heluva lot of work? Yes. It is on the 22nd. Prayers accepted.

New carpet goes in on Tuesday, which also happens to be my 27th birthday. How do you know you are getting old? New carpet excites you more than a new outfit, perfume, or dinner and a movie. That's how. Well, that and the fact that I have three kids, have been married for almost six years and no longer relate to anyone under the age of 25.

Off to start our week. We are turning over a new leaf and waking up before the kids so that we can greet them happily, well- rested and ready to go. Hope it at least lasts until Wednesday.

Sunday Six!

Why do people work?
P: Cuz them want to
E: Um, I just don't know.

2. What is your favorite toy at the moment?
P: Emily and Elizabeth. Oh, I forgot Mommy, I like trains.
E: um, um... my drum.

3. Why are there flowers on the Earth?
P: Cuz people like put them on. Cuz them want to eat strawberries.
E: Cuz they're on the questions. ( She is SO smart)

4. What is your favorite movie (cartoon, story or TV Show) at the moment?
P: Thomas the Tank Engine.
E: Thomas the Tank Engine

5. What is your favorite snack?
P: I like lunchtime with strawberries!
E: Um, cookies!!!

6. Why do people drive cars?
P: Cuz them need to drive somewhere.
E: So they can just drive faster!!! ( I don't know who shes's been riding with)

Family redefined.

I learned two things yesterday; 1) we are not defined by the mistakes our parents made and, 2) I still have the ability to be honest and loving, even in the midst of such immense pain it's indescribable.

My father did a wonderful job of not trying to fill the silence yesterday evening as we sat down to dinner. I sat there with my two brothers that I was raised with and looked on with compassion for my sister and my brother that I knew nothing about. At first meeting, they were soft spoken. They remained that way for the duration of dinner with brief moments of laughter, uncomfortable silence, even a little teasing. Lots of looking down at our napkins, tears from me, and laughter from one of my brothers who was clearly as uncomfortable as I was. I realized though, that I loved them. That love that you feel for a child the moment it is born, or the love that you feel when you see a mother being so loving with her handicapped child. That is God's love. The love that he puts in your heart so that you can relate to one another on a human level. I felt love for my brother and sister, instant love.

We got through dinner and I suggested that maybe we all go to the movies together. Nacho Libre was the pick. ( Secretly, I knew I would hate it, but I also knew I was dealing with a 20 year old, two 16-year olds, and a 15 year old. I had to suck it up and go shallow.) The seating arrangement once inside the theater was poetic and in this order; Kellen, Cord, Garrett, Chera, Me, Dad. They fit perfectly amongst us, and it wasn't in the least uncomfortable.

I found out that my new brother is handsome, soft-spoken, gentle, insecure about being thin, and loves athletics. I found out that my new sister is beautiful, freckle faced, drools in her sleep just like I do and has a sweet tooth that won't quit. I found out that when I am uncomfortable I can act like it, instead of filling the silence or feeling the need to fix everyone else's discomfort. I learned that family is family. We don't pick each other. I learned that out of a tawdry affair and a highly dsyfunctional marriage can still come six of the most amazing blessings from God. The six of us. We have each other now. One of us gone to heaven, the others making their way.

Nerves.

We got back from our trip to California on Sunday night and Steve returned from Alaska Monday morning. We all had a wonderful time, me spending a lot of time with cousins and children that I love, and Steve having some R&R, fishing and doing manly things. It is so nice to have our family back together though. Steve and I both agreed that it's hard to go away from your family to get some rest because even when you're not with THEM, they're with YOU. You just can't get those pesky critters out of your head. I guess that's what makes family so beautiful.

Speaking of family, I am meeting my half-brother and sister tonight. Nervous doesn't quite cut it. Terrified feels more accurate. Yeah, terrified. There is so much unknown there. The circumstances surrounding their births is painful. Their arrival in my life now is strange. The relationship that we might or might not develop is surreal. I don't often call someone and ask for support. Today might be the day that I seize the opportunity to reach out and touch someone. I can't really even put words to it, so I don'r really know how to ask for support. It feels even sillier that I should need "support". For what? Why? What is anyone going to be able to say that will make it easier or more comfortable. Other than, of course, the standard "just remember they will be as scared and nervous as you are". I do know that. I guess I am more frustrated with father. Frustrated that I, or they, even have to be in the situation. We are all casualties, my four living siblings and me.

I will post again later. We are meeting tonight, somewhere neutral and of course, equally uncomfortable for all of us. Currently, one of my little brothers is not speaking to me. There is some perceived injustice committed by me. How in the hell could I have even considered being out of town for his 20th birthday? The audacity. Let alone the fact that I only gave him a card and a phone call singing "happy birthday". I am such an arse. So, needless to say, the discomfort of our little meeting tonight will only be emphasized by the fact that one of my biologically "whole" brothers has me on his short list.

The stuff of life

Here are just a few things that happened today;

Paxton cried because he just wanted to go on a fishing trip with big daddies. Then he got over it because he realized that he was going to go on a big airplane in just two days with mom and Shepherd AND there was going to be a pool at the hotel. Score!

Ella kissed me and hugged me and told me that I was her favorite girl and that I was also her best friend. You want to cry right now, don't you? I did.

Paxton and Ella played catch in the family room as baby Shepherd looked on. Then? Then he LAUGHED--he BELLY LAUGHED OUT LOUD at them playing catch. It was the sweetest thing. ( Did I mention that he can sit up now?)

All in all, I can say this has been a 5 star day. My husband left this morning for 7 days and I am going to miss him terribly. We even had a "first" together. Last night, we decided that we should have a date or something like it before we parted ways for a week. So...get this, I went to a bar for the first time. Seriously. My first time in a bar. I have been to plenty of restaurant/bars and had cocktails in lounges. But I have never been to an actual "belly up to" kind of bar. Um, I haven't been missing much. We did laugh a lot which was so much fun. Sometimes I forget just how funny Steve is.

I am so blessed. A six month old who spontaneously laughs out loud, A two and half year old who, on average, is sweeter more than she isn't now, and a four year old who wears his big ol' heart right on his sleeve. Oh, yeah, and a husband who makes me laugh too! God is so good to this family. This is the stuff of life.

I just started reading Danielle Bean's blog and she is awesome. Pregnant with her 8th. Much food for thought today.

A full bowl.

Oh, Grandparents. Grandparents are so important, aren't they? They're important when we're small children because they either supplement our parents leadership and discipline or they just spoil us rotten. Sometimes both.

I have found this strange occurrence as of late that my Grandparents, and large part of the rest of my family too, have failed to grasp the fact that I neither want nor need them to discipline me or spoil me. I am grown now and have children of my own that need supplemental spoiling and disciplining. It is so strange. This thing about growing up. I am almost 27 years old now and I feel like I am still trying to explain to most of my family members (excluding my immediate family obviously) that I am a "Big Girl" now, leading my own little family with my husband, paying my own bills, having my own house to clean and take care of, and my own children's needs to put before my own. I raise children, volunteer, and take care of our home. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to (as my mother likes to say) pull up my big girl panties and get over it. End of diatribe.

I feel like I am stuck in that whole rock and hard place cliche' right now. I prayed for God to bring more support to us, more Godly families to encircle our family, more strength and a stronger desire for us to lead our children in faith. Now, I find that we are SO BUSY doing thing and being invited to go places with these wonderful Godly people that I am getting tired! Knock and it shall be opened unto you! Our social calendar is already full most of the week and, for the rest of the summer, is mostly full on the weekends too. When am I supposed to praise God and say 'Thank you', and when am I supposed to say, 'enough'? God put these children into our lives for a reason, didn't he? Aren't we supposed to be good stewards of our time and money? I'll just keep truckin'. Er....praying, I mean.

I picked cherries from our two cherry trees yesterday. I filled FOUR boxes and there are still a ton of cherries on the trees. We felt like Santa Claus today, dropping bags of cherries off on doorsteps across two towns. It makes me smile just thinking about it. I was high in the ladder yesterday and found myself saying prayers of thanks many times. I just kept thinking about how blessed we are that we have this beautiful and fresh fruit right out our back door. Just some trees planted. To nourish. To provide. If time were tough for us right now, we could just walk out our back door and have cherries for dinner. Our bowls are certainly half full, never half empty.

Incidentally, I only fell off the ladder once yesterday. I looked around quickly, darting my eyes left to right. It's okay. Nobody saw me. Tip for the day: cherry tree limbs cannot hold a 140+ pound, arm-flailing woman. Do not attempt to try.

Literary tidbits

Another fabulous excerpt:

" Patience is faith in action. Patience is emotional diligence. It's the willingness to suffer inside so that others can grow. It reveals love. It gives birth to understanding. Even as we become aware of our suffering in love, we learn about ourselves and our own weakness and motives.

So, to paraphrase Winston Churchill, "We must never, never, NEVER give up!" No matter how far we feel we have gotten off track, we can always take steps to correct the course. Our children are bone of our bone, flesh of our flesh. We will and must reclaim them, always. As a friend of mine likes to title her blog, " The journey" is what matters, not just the destination. Contrary to popular myth, the destination DOES matter too. Whoever we are, we are a part of some family. And family love is in a league of it's own.

Thank you once again, Stephen R. Covey.

I am really digging this book, obviously. We had a rather longish day today. I had an all-day training session at Crossroads regarding abstinence training and counseling. Grammy Vivian took the the kids to the aquatic center for almost six hours! And, of course, no trip to the aquatic center is complete without floaties, barbie life jackets, your favorite colored (orange and pink) beach towel, sugary slurpies and hotdogs. Oh, and maybe a teensy bit of sunscreen thrown on for good measure. They were SO excited and had such a good time. Steve and I have GOT to start getting into swimming and shit like that. Oh.....how I loathe bathing suits. I just need to suck it up, or "suck it in" rather and do it for my kids.

Steve's 28th birthday was yesterday and he is in the kitchen singing right now. It is SO cute. It goes something like this...ahem..."It's my birthday and now it's not, so I think I'll eat some blue and white cake..." "with frosting in the middle and a bit on the top and on the backside, Yeah! It's really kind of good, but it could be better cuz it's butter cake and that's really hard to make from scratch. ....Yeah!" It's really quite a shame that you can't hear the amazing level of tone deafness that Steve embodies. Anyway, he is 28 now and for some reason, I have a feeling that this is going to be a really good year.

I have been so tired lately and Shepherd hasn't been sleeping well at all. I had my thyroid checked and all is well. So, what the hell. I guess I might just actually be tired from getting up with a six month old upwards of four times a night right now. What's making it more difficult is that the boys are sharing a room now, so when one wakes up so does the other. We'll get this thing figured out soon enough I suppose. I happen to think it's quite good for children to share rooms. Call me old fashioned. Call me cheap. Call me a proponent of child labor.

I am off to bed now. Steve is golfing ALL day tomorrow so I need to rest up! It's time to pick the cherries in the backyard and I am going to have to do a lot of management and supervising while the kids are on those ladders getting the high ones for me.

"we" mentality.

As excerpt from the book I am reading right now;

"When your happiness comes primarily from the happiness of others, you know you've moved from "me" to "we". And the whole problem-solving and opportunity-seizing process changes. But until family is really a priority, this movement does not usually take place.

A beautiful family culture is a "we" culture. It reflects that movement. It's the kind of culture that enables you to work together to select and move toward a "together" destination and to contribute, to make a difference- in society generally and perhaps to other families in particular. It also enables you to deal with the powerful forces that would throw you off track-including turbulent weather outside the plane ( the culture we live in and things such as economic dislocation or sudden illness over which you have no control) and turbulent social weather inside the cockpit (contention, lack of communication, and the tendency to criticize, complain, compare and compete)."

"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families"--Stephen Covey

The Glue.

My husband. My beautiful husband is the glue.

Today, my husband, in an effort to support me to make this Father's Day really special, put up with my family and all our dysfunctional glory for FOUR HOURS on HIS special day. As I type this I am sitting here, feeling overwhelmed with love for Steve- overwhelmed that he continues to give of himself, of his time, of his peace even when he so clearly shouldn't have to. I love that about my husband. I am so sorry that I made him listen to me cry over yet another disappointment with my brothers, when he could have just as easily ( and rightly so I might add) been out on a lounge chair, having a icy cold drink and having some peace and quiet. I love him so much.

I love that my children have a father who takes his job as "FATHER" more seriously than any other job. I love that when they want a hug or need reassurance he is always there, usually squatting down so that they can see his beautiful and comforting smile. I love that he takes the time to listen to them. He listens and engages, never shooing them away as I can so easily recall, when reflecting on my own childhood. Even if he actually is too busy for them, he never says it. He never belittles them. He makes them feel safe, loved, special, wanted, valuable and important. He lets them be the little people they are without fear that he is constantly screwing them up or not putting enough "in" or taking too much "out", as I am guilty of doing, almost every minute of every day I have with them. He lets them be. He lets himself be. That makes room for God, who is the ultimate Father and the best Teacher of all.

I could not have picked Steve for myself because, all of the qualities that I thought were important or even "necessary" to have in a spouse, aren't. Steve has shown me that vibrant cheering can just as easily be replaced by a warm hand to hold. That athleticism will never compare to availability. That crying can be one of the sexyist things a man can do. He has shown me a world of manhood that I had never seen before nor will I likely see again. He is more than a man. He is my perfect husband. He is my children's perfect father. He is God's perfect son. He is the most gentle, intelligent, compassionate, generous, funny, life-filled, spiritually inspiring man I have ever known. His arms maintain the perfect blend of strength, enabling him to protect any one of us, and of softness, against which we can fall when we are breaking inside.

My husband is the glue. I love him. I honor him and strive to be more like him. He inspires me often and I have loved him from the moment I set eyes on him. Somehow, if it's possible, I am more sure of my love for him in the middle of an argument, after almost six years of marriage, than I was in the midst of pure ecstasy the moment he proposed. Is that possible? Because that's how I feel.

Happy Father's Day, my beautiful husband. Thank you for our three beautiful children. Thank you for you. Thank you for your love and your provision. You make it all possible, and for that I more grateful than you can know.

Timing is everything.

So, we're sick. Yep, that'd be why I have been so tired and Paxton has been so whiny and Ella has been so.......two.

Currently, we are averaging a mean temperature around here of 100.0. ( Averaging a mean? Is that redundant?) I am cold, Paxton is "so cold", Ella has been naked at times, Shepherd is clothed (but probably wouldn't be if he could tell me how he really felt) and Steve is his usual "sweating his balls off".

Oh, that's right. Anyone hear me say "and Father's day is coming up"? Cuz it is. That sucks. I am supposed to go to a bridal shower on Saturday afternoon, Steve is supposed to go to a poker party later tonight (to which I think he'll "suck it up" and go), Father's Day and Mass are Sunday. Timing. Timing my friends. Timing is everything.

I decided to let everyone ride out their temperatures and only medicate at night when we all need our precious sleep. Fevers are so good for us, but we have culturally brainwashed to believe that we should take them away ASAP so that we "feel better" only to inevitably prolong whatever alien has come in and tried to take over every square inch of our bodies. My motto? Burn em out! My our bodies like a LIVING HELL IN WHICH THEY HAVE CHOSEDN TO DWELL.

The end.

bring it.

What a crazy day we have already had and it is only 2:45pm. I dropped Paxton off at a friend's this morning so that Ella, Shepherd and I could make a "costco run". I am sure you are all familiar with what that is. SIX HUNDRED THIRTEEN DOLLARS AND NINETY TWO CENTS LATER, I had what I needed and both kids were still alive. Now it was time to buckle up, drive to the gas station, stop, get gas, feed Shepherd, get Ella a snack and something to drink, buckle up, drive home, drop Ella and Shepherd off, put them down for naps, go get Paxton and deliver some frozen chicken to said friend who kept Paxton.

All was well and Paxton was in the car. By now, I was feeling tired. I know. Shocker. So...while Paxton is gazing out the window, looking as pooped as I felt, I asked the following questions and here were his answers;

Me: "Are you tired?"

Paxton: "No"

Me: "Do you think you need a nap?"

Paxton: "No"

Me: "Do you want to take a nap in Mom's bed?"

Paxton: "No"

Me: "Do you want to just lay down and take a rest and play your Thomas video?"

Paxton: "No"

Me: ---audible sigh and long pause--------

Paxton (turning to look at me now): "Are you all outta ideas?"

Me : "Yep"



So....Paxton is still awake and I am still tired. Damn kids who outgrow naps.

what to order....

Just a little taste of most of our day today:

Mommy: "What do you want to order for dinner, honey?"

Paxton: "Umm......a little peace and quiet."

The end.

Good time had by all

Well, we're back from Nashville. It was wonderful. We did a lot. We played a lot. We slept a lot. We ate a lot. We drove a lot. We read the paper a lot (okay, I read the paper a lot). We nursed Shepherd A LOT. My nipples have never quite felt like the personal chew toy of another human being before, like they do now. Anything to get through layovers, take-offs, landings and time changes. It was worth it. He can chew on my nipples anytime he wants if it means that I can take a week off from every other household chore!

Steve and I have been catching up today on emails, laundry, housework, watering plants...etc. I think I am on load five of laundry. Just a few minutes ago I was in the laundry room, folding, when the phone rang. It was my brother-in-law. He said, "Hey! How was your trip?" I say, "Great! It's good to be back too. I missed the kids." He says, "What are you up to?" I say, "Oh, you know, just doing ton of laundry...Reaping what I sow". He says, " You sewed some laundry while you were gone?" Ohhhhh......Heavens. He's cute. He is so nice. He also thinks that I made up the word "gelatinous".

I didn't miss the kids until about day three of our trip and even then it was a forced yearning. But man, when we were killing time on Sunday, waiting for our 7p.m. flight out of TN, I was REALLY missing them. We couldn't get to Moses Lake fast enough this morning to get them! We pulled up and Ella, yes Ella, came RUNNING to the van with the biggest, sweetest smile on her face. It was so precious. It felt so good. She jumped into Steve's arms and then mine for big hugs. Paxton was so excited that he couldn't stay in the hiding spot that he had so cleverly picked out. ( He has a habit of giggling during hide and seek, so I don't know what in the world made him think he could pull THIS off, this a moment of pure exhilaration to see his MOM AND DAD AND BABY BROTHER) After that, I don't know who was more excited, them or us.They kept coming in for bear hugs and kisses. Both of them jumped up on the chair next to me at different time and wanted to hold and kiss Shepherd. Paxton was tickling him and singing "rock-a-bye baby" to him. Does it get any sweeter than that? I ask you?

Steve and I loved that when we left this year for "our" vacation, the kids had each other. It is so comforting to know that they are each others "lovey's". Some kids have a doll, some have blankies, some have strange sock puppets. Our kids have each other. That one constant that keeps telling you, over and over again, "I'm here, reminding you of home, of our family." I love that they kiss and hug each other and that when Ella pounds Paxton over the head and immediately says, "Sorry Paxy", he looks at her and says, "It's okay Boo-Boo, I 'give' you".

Icing on the cake? Having your housekeeper house-sit for you. What do housekeepers do when they get bored? Yep, CLEAN. This house is Sparkling. She organized MY FREEZER! Who does that?! Just when I was thinking I was paying her too much. Now I sort of feel like I owe her $60.00 every two weeks...and maybe a kidney or some other useful organ too.

I hear that the dryer has stopped. Must press on. Must fold more laundry. That is the nature of the vacationing beast. Off to reap what I sow....er, sew some laundry. Either way, it'll suck.

It's Sunday Six time again.

1. Why do we celebrate Memorial Day?

P cuz we like to. Cuz it's fun.
E think ... think because Noni's coming over


2. How do we celebrate Memorial Day?

P I don't know.
E um. nothing, no.

3. What is a memory?

P hmmm....remembering?
E um, nothing.

4. What is your best memory?

P A firetruck! I remember when it lifts the ladder up in the sky!
E no answer. We tried.

5. What do we cook when we BBQ?

P pancakes
E hot dogs!

6. Where is your favorite place to BBQ?
P Right inside! (lots of laughter and exclamations of what a joker he is..)
E um, picnics

long days and hard alcohol

You know it's a long day when you are instant messaging your spouse. Not because you miss them, no. But because you just looked up at the clock and realized that it is ONLY 3:30. You still have almost TWO MORE HOURS to go before you can actually say you are "done" with your day. Further, when do you know your spouse is having an equally long day? When he suggests that, to kill some time, you mix some drinks. Yeah, nothing passes the time like a mid afternoon Amaretto Sour. Why didn't I think of that? Good one Steve!

I have been doing stupid busy work all day, sort of chasing my tail around. I am trying to get ready for all of us being gone for seven days. Um, I have NEVER been an early packer. Try as I may, it just doesn't work for me. I can make lists, but that's about as much as I get done. I am not sure why. Either I am incredible disorganized, or I am SO organized that I don't really have to think about it much. I just do it. I am going with number two.

A friend of some friends of ours just passed away in his sleep the other night. He was 29. Steve looked at me the other night in the van on the way home, and said, quite frankly, "You know, we are getting to the age when people around us are going to start dying". I realize that seems comical, given we're only in our late 20's, but the fact of the matter is that if we can't embrace our own mortality, what will our lives have meant? If we walk around feeling invincible, then what is it that we will have accomplished? Certainly nothing of any depth. Conversely, if we are always convinced we could die tomorrow, we might also miss the opportunity to serve someone else, because we'll be so fixated on just eeking out that last little bit of fun from life that we can. Oh.....death. So common, so hard to embrace, so hard to understand. But ye though the rewards are great!

Only I could begin blogging about hard alcohol and boring days to the rewards of eternal life.

So close I can taste it...

So many things are so close I can taste them. My first vacation alone with my husband in almost a year (well, Shepherd will be with us, but does that really count?). My two-year-old running up to me and exclaiming, unprompted, "Mommy, I love you!" My four year old starting to be, overall, more helpful than hindering. The days when we are waking up at 7:00 instead of 5:30 and getting out of bed rested and energetic instead of dragging ass for about two hours, desperately waiting for that coffee to "kick in". When I am COMFORTABLY back into my size eight clothes, instead of tucking all things into them, praying that a button won't pop off if I should happen to accidentally SIT DOWN. So close I can taste it.

My retreat was amazing. It is so beautiful in Winthrop, right along the Methow River. The people that own it, offer it as a retreat center, but it is actually their own private sprawling 100+acre ranch with horses and calmly grazing sheep on beautiful green meadows. You enter their estate and there is a big sign that reads, "The Lord is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want". Let me tell you, I did not "want" the entire time I was there. I just thanked and honored Him. I am reading "The Power of a Praying Parent" right now, since I just admitted OUT LOUD last weekend that there are some times that I look at my two-year-old and want to throw her against the wall. It might have been one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had. What was even more beautiful than the sheep and the horses and the meadow and the river? 9 women, all mothers, crying with me and telling me they had been there too. Nothing feels as good as knowing you're not alone. The desert is always so much drier when you're walking in it alone.

Steve is going to Seattle again today. This would be the third time in 8 days. Oh Nashville, how I long to see your face.

The topic of the retreat was "The Beatitues" from the Sermon on the Mount. I am trying to "offer it up" a little more and bitch a little less. This life here on earth is SO short compared to what we're headed for. ETERNITY. Like Fr. Richard says, " Hey, none of us are getting outta this alive".

I am so excited for summer to be here. It has been in the 90's and finally started cooling off a bit this last week. 90's? May? Crazy. I still hate dirt, but I am finding that as long as I am using protection on my hands I am actually enjoying working in it and tending my flowers! Too bad the flowers need the dirt. :( I would NEVER condone having it around my home otherwise.

Oh...a laugh for the road. Our housekeeper gave me a mini-lecture about not letting the kids eat anywhere but at the table because fishy cracker crumbs are causing an "ant problem". Yeah. I pay you 60 dollars for 4 hours of work. Shut up. (Inside, trying not to feel like the dirtiest mother that ever lived. How could I let my children eat crackers AND watch a movie at the same time?! I am pond scum.)

off to a retreat

I am headed to Winthrop Washington tomorrow for a two-day spiritual retreat with 30 other women. Shepherd will be coming along of course, but even so I am still looking forward to the solitude and quiet. It seems pretty informal and unstructured. Eat when you want, walk when you want, pray when you want. No T.V's, no cell phones, nothing to make noise (except the 5 month old baby of course. He turns 5 months old tomorrow!) Just our own little slice of silent heaven. Stay tuned.........

I just might come back ready to abandon my family and join the Daughters of Charity. Or, as Paxton says, not probably.

The Faceoff.

Well, it has finally happened. I have finally come head to head in a direct challenge......from my two-year-old.

Ella sat, buckled in her seat tonight at the dining room table for a little less than three hours. Until she finally fell asleep. Yes, it's true. Put down the phone. No need to call CPS. Well, I guess you can if you want to, but it would likely only save me from the insanity of having to reason with a two-year-old anyway. She wasn't screaming or even crying really. Just direcly refusing an order.

You wanna know what I refuse? I refuse to nurture a "picky eater". REFUSE TO. I won't do it. I have seen too many kids who "just won't eat that". Now, I can be reasonable. I won't force my children to eat liver, or raw onion, or endive, or even papaya if they don't want to. But something about carrot sticks seems pretty damn reasonable to me. ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE HAS EATEN THEM BEFORE. So....there she sat. And we'll do it all over again tomorrow night if we have to. I remember hearing my Dad tell a story about his mother doing the same thing with him involving broccoli. And he still loves her! Can you believe it? Did I mention that he eats broccoli now? AND LIKES IT?!

No one tests my will. I will win. You will lose. The end.

Happy Mother's Day.....

I am so excited for tomorrow. I don't know what we are doing for sure except of course for going to Mass in the morning and Steve is taking me out to dinner (our first date alone since Shepherd was born FIVE MONTHS ago) tomorrow night. That will be so awesome. I can't really even describe how much I miss my husband, especially lately for some reason. We spend so much time together, but often it is punctuated with wiping someone's butt or breaking up a fight or organizing, painting, cleaning, and reorganizing something.

This Mother's Day feels so special to me. I have not yet had this level of appreciation for mothers everywhere that I do now. Steve and I were talking about that last night. You really don't realize when you are a child or even young adult without children, just how much mothers do. It is thankless, without glory or accolades, devoid of raises or bonuses, and certainly grueling and exhausting some days. But, it is by far the best job I have ever had. Ever. I cannot imagine missing these years, or just not really caring about them. Here's to all of my mother friends.

I have a friend that gave a child up for adoption eight years ago, when she was quite young and unmarried. She sent an email to all of her friends today, some who know her story of adoption and some who don't, asking everyone to remember all those mothers who gave their children life, with or without raising them themselves. It was so beautiful and made me so grateful to all of those women who chose life for their children. So beautiful. My brother-in-law was adopted and two cousins were adopted. I highly doubt they regret it. :)

Oh, Dini caught a snake this morning. Well, actually Steve spotted it, told the kids to get away, they came to get me, Steve was trying to kill it with a big metal stick and then Dini thought he'd have a little fun "finishing him off". It was disturbing and pride invoking all at the same time. To see our Labrador Retriever, protecting our family, annihilating this slithering creature, keeping our children out of harm's way. Did I mention he shook it violently until he was sure it was dead and then he bit it's head off? It was fascinating. Ahh.....the country life.

"Power of a Praying Parent"

Stormie O'Martian's "Power of a Praying Wife" changed my life. It changed Steve's life. Literally. I just ordered her book "Power of a Praying Parent". There are days, specifically relating to Miss Ella, that I think to myself...."What exactly am I doing here? Where am I trying to lead my family? Do I serve a greater purpose other than maid, cook, and driver? Do I make a difference at all? I do. I know that I do. I just need some help bringing me back to feeling it. O'Martian's books are awesome because she gives you like thirty areas of each person's life to pray for! Call me Abraham, because there are some days when sacrificing my child to glorify God seems not altogether an impossible task. At least if I start praying for them, I KNOW they'll go to heaven! Like a friend said to me recently, I can be pretty persuasive.

Should it offend me that I can see that over 60 people have viewed my profile and only ONE comments on a regular basis? Nobody likes me. I guess I'll go eat some worms.

The Principal of the school wants me to go speak to the Moses Lake parish this Sunday. A friend and I spoke to the Ephrata Masses about two months ago. It seemed to make an impart and we actually got five new students after we spoke. Time to rev em' up again! I am hopeful that someone will feel spoken to. There are too many people with children in public education that just seem to be sacrificing too much. Can you imagine a world filled with schools that begin with asking the Lord to help them throughout the day and to bring them comfort, schools that pray for a new family every day of the school year? Whoa.

I am wearing a yellow shirt today. I feel like a big bumblebee. I think I need to go change.

A new teacher named after a dude.

Neili is our new hire. She is AWESOME! We interviewed some serious duds yesterday, but after Neili ( who is named after her Uncle Neil) walked in, we knew she was it. I kept waiting for her wings to accidentally pop out of the back of her suit jacket. She is amazing, has her masters and six years of teaching experience with not just nice references, but references that said " she was the best teacher they had ever known". She is all of 27 or 28, married her high school sweetheart ( who is a very left-brained engineer, which I happen to be partial to :), and she has a four month old son. She said she is totally in love with her new baby AND she misses her older babies. ;) How sweet. We are all pulling together and trying to find her childcare.

God answered some serious prayers today.

Also, our roof is looking amazing. I cannot believe this total transformation our house has taken on. It is truly unbelievable. I hope Steve and I never become boring people. This is just too fun!!

Camping Trip.

Steve did something very fun tonight. He made an entire camping experience for the kids and me. The tent is set up in the back yard right in front of our "campfire" firepit. We ate turkey dogs, and made s'mores! The kids got to help roast weenies and shmellows alongside daddy, fashioning roasting skewers out of a limb from our cherry tree (sharpening them into points with an exacto-knife. Do people take those camping?) Daddy brought out some blankies and pillows and we told, or read rather, stories- all of us snuggled up like four bugs in a rug, er....tent.

Okay, so the RAW thing is off. That was an incredible experience and one that I want to try again when I am not nursing anymore. I didn't have the "INSANE" energy I set myself up to believe I would have, which was a bit of a let down. I do however completely believe in the premise. I AM going to do it again. Right now though, I don' t think I can afford to be so run down and miss out on that time with my family. I really missed cooking too. I still cooked for the rest of the family, but it wasn't the same. When your heart isn't in it, the food can't be THAT good.

Steve and I are now having a weight loss challenge. He doesn't know that we are actually competing yet, but he will after he reads this. Now I just have to figure out what the prize will be. Since we decided that we're complete fat asses, we actually fought Dini for the ball. Let me explain..... I stand, in the proper ball-throwing, fetch-playing stance with my arm ready to throw the baseball for Dini. Dini stands in the "Are you throwing it? Are you throwing it? Are you throwing it? Are you throwing it? Are you throwing it?" position waiting for me to...you guessed it, throw it. Steve stands right next to him, assuming the same stance (but probably thinking much more intelligent thoughts). Both of them are fixated on the ball and my release. I throw. They run. Steve almost wins. But not quite. Steve and I took turns tonight. I think Dini actually ran faster with competition. I would still pay a hundred bucks to know what the hell he thought about Steve and I taking turns fetching...right alongside him. Frankly, I think he was pissed. Whatever, we burned calories and I have no doubt gave the neighbors a good laugh. Just stop for a moment. Picture it. As Mistalyn says, you just can't make this stuff up.

We are interviewing the new kindergarten teacher for the school tomorrow. There were five applicants and I am the ONLY parent on the panel. I supposed that's normal. I guess it makes sense. Part of me feels like there should be more of us, the other part wonders what the hell I'm doing there in the first place. What do I know about education? What does matter to me the most though, is that it be truly catholic, which might ruffle some feathers. But, if it's not then what makes us any different than Daystar or The Christian Academy? The other panelists are the Principal, the secretary, the preschool teacher, and the SAC chairman. What should I wear. I supposed anything in my wardrobe would do. Just as long as I don't have a Basic Instinct moment, I'll be fine.

Oh, we painted the master bedroom today. Just a word to the wise; when the swatch in the paint aisle says "Cocoa Creme" just assume it's a hideous "Sugarplum". Unless you like that color, just put it down and look for the swatch that says, "Paper Bag". That's the one you want. I wish I were kidding.

pet peeves

I had my bible study/book club this morning. Usually, I really look forward to spending three hours with these wonderful ladies. Today, I was irritated and frustrated. Not a nice way to be when you are gathering in the name of GOD.

I was asked to take the lead and start selecting books for us to read. I did so. Everyone seemed excited and enthused last time we met when discussing our next book (that I had chosen PER THEIR REQUEST). Yeah, you guessed it. ONE other person read the book and she only got 100 pages into it.The other SEVEN said, and I quote, "I was just too busy, but it's awesome that you had time to read it". Hmmm....did I mention that I am the ONLY ONE in that group with more than two children? I let them know in the mildest way that I could that I sort of felt laughed at. It was definitely a humbling and ego deflating experience for me today. On the upside, oh wait.....there is none.

I painted the boys' room today. It looks great. I only wish I had gotten to it a YEAR ago. It will be so nice for them, especially now that Shepherd is a big boy sleeping in his crib right next to his protective big brother.

The roofers came yesterday to deliver the shingles on top of the house. They will start on Monday. Right now, we sort of look like the epitome of white trash, weighing our house down like mobile home ready to drift down the flooded street. Roofers are funny. They look like the hardest workers you have ever seen and they speak as if the cut their teeth on the F-word. They made us laugh. One guy, the boss I think, says to me, "Hey, I see you got three kids there! If I were you, I'd stop now. My wife and me, we got three kids. Holy shit. They are so lazy! I tell ya, I don't know where they get this shit. It must be from their friends. We can't get em' to do nothin'!" I'm thinking yeah, that's it.....their friends. I replied, "Well, around these parts, we're a family. That means we bust our asses...together!" Okay, I said it a little nicer than that, but you get the gist.

I do find it rather entertaining how many people complain about how lazy their children are. As if, by osmosis, they just "picked it up" somewhere, sort of like swearing and beating your cat.

Wow, this is sort of a venting post. Sorry about that for those two of you that are reading it. I think I'm tired today. Either that or just tired of peoples' shit. Probably the former, but much easier to bitch about the latter.

Sunday Six!

1. Why do people work?
Paxton: cuz them need to work cuz them have to, to build something.
Ella: a computers

2. What is your favorite toy at the moment?
Paxton: Diesel Number 10
Ella: the train track trains

3. Why are there flowers on the Earth?
Paxton: I don't know, can you tell me?
Ella: I don't want to. I was lookin for the flowers. My flowers the big one and Mom's.

4. What is your favorite movie (cartoon, story or TV Show) at the moment?
Paxton: Thomas and Bob
Ella: Oswald and the Cat in the Hat.

5. What is your favorite snack?
Paxton: Fruit.
Ella: The fruit snack. I was looking for my fruit snack. What do you have in there? (Referring to my Steve's phone in his pocket.)

6. Why do people drive cars?
Paxton: Because cars go around and around.
Ella: I do I can drive. I stay here and Ella drive too. I'm learnin' to drive.

Do you hear what I hear?

For two whole days now, our lives have been turned not completely upside-down but almost. The house is really starting to look beautiful with ALL new windows ( at only the most minimal expenses; the children's naps, therefore attitudes, and my sanity). There has been CONSTANT banging and sawing with little regard for my desire to maintain somewhat of a schedule. Thank goodness we're flexible. Okay, not really, given that it has completely destroyed my normally jovial, happy-go-lucky disposition. What? I can be that way!

Steve was very excited when quoted a significant amount less for the windows if he did the work himself. I really tried to be supportive of him doing it but just kept wondering how long it would take a man that had never done that before to redo an ENTIRE house. I couldn't shake the instict that I could be losing my husband for upwards of a month's worth of weekends! Thank God for delegation. Steve is really happy about it too, given that it has taken two professionals more than two days. What could one amateur do in two days? Caulk. ( I hate that word by the way. Or rather, it's pronunciation.)

We have had an eventful last few days since I last blogged. Embarrassing playdates, ill-effects from going from a completely raw diet for seven days to having one night of something cooked, tours of the Japanese gardens in Moses Lake accompanied by an interesting and shoeless girl of about 12. The girl at the Gardens, named Jessica, told us that we could call her "Jesse" if we couldn't remember her name. Or, if we'd llike we could call her "Messy" since that was her nickname. She mostly walked upright, but occasionally on our walk would squat down and start RUNNING on all fours. She had mastered it. It looked as natural as that can look on a homosapien. I commented that she didn't have any shoes one. She proudly replied, " I never wear shoes. I'm half Indian." "Messy" is half Indian. Ahhh.....I see. Now it all makes sense.

Paxton is getting ready for "Culture Night" at the school. The Preschoolers are dressing as cowboys. Not sure where we're going with that. What culture is that supposed to represent exactly? I'll have to see what everyone else is wearing. I sure hope goth gear, halter tops, and gangsta pants didn't make the list. Oh, what kind of toilet has this country gone and flushed itself down....Ahh.

The roofers will be here tomorrow as well. Do you hear that? That's the sound of delegation. Either that, or that's just me, back in the bedroom, banging my head against the wall keeping perfect rhythm with the banging that is going all ALL OVER the outside of our house.